It’s a widely-held belief when you marry the person you love, you’re also marrying their family.
It makes sense, in a way, but marrying a whole group of people, even figuratively, is not the right fit for everyone.
One woman was struggling with this possibility on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Imperpetuallysad wasn’t sure what to do when she and her future in-laws couldn’t see eye-to-eye.
So much so, the Original Poster (OP) reached out to the subReddit for a second opinion.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my fiancee and his family to stop enabling his obese mother?”
The OP has watched her potential mother-in-law transform over the years.
“My fiancee and I have been together for 6 years, engaged for a few weeks.”
“He has a rather large mother whose only been getting bigger through the months.”
“When I first met her after me and the SO started dating, she was about 350 pounds (my guess), but still able to carry out most activities by herself and able to walk. I didn’t comment on her weight back then because I thought it would be rude and didn’t know if maybe she had a health issue that was causing it, or it ran in the family (turns out neither was the case).”
“Over the years, I just watched her get worse and the family didn’t really address it, just casually changed their lives to move around it.”
“I watched my SO (significant other) go from being a full-time Engineering student, to taking only 3 classes a term to work 2 jobs and help his family deal with the growing grocery bill it took to feed her. Which in turn made him graduate two and a half years late.”
“His mother is now somewhere around 500 pounds and is needing help to bathe, put on clothes, and walk more than a few feet.”
Now the OP’s noticing how much of a presence her mother-in-law could have in her life.
“Well, when my fiancee was talking about us buying a house, he just casually brought up we’d need to have a big enough space for his mother.”
“When I objected to this, he just said if I was marrying him, I’d have to help what would become my family too.”
The same way of thinking came up at a family gathering.
“A little while after that, his family had a BBQ and I was helping prepare a lot of the food.”
“I tried giving his mom healthier alternatives to the ribs and fried chicken, only to have her daughter hand it to her.”
“At the dinner table, his brother was telling my SO how his mom had a schedule and one of us would have to work part-time or not at all to accommodate it.”
“That’s when I got pretty upset and started telling them it wasn’t fair for us to have to change our lives to help his feed mother’s food addiction, instead of trying to help her, and that she was approaching a point of no return.”
The significant other’s family didn’t appreciate this.
“His mother called me a ‘judgemental skinny bitch,’ and his siblings told me how selfish I was to not want to pitch in like everyone else had. My SO did try to defend me but I got so upset that I just got up and went back to our apartment.”
“It’s been a few days since and my fiance has apologized but still is barely speaking to me.”
“His sister has told me there’s no easy solution to their mother losing weight and that we just need to help her ‘get through it.'”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Many recommended the OP end the relationship.
“Don’t marry him or buy a house with him. One day you’ll go out and come home to find her moved in and you’ll be washing her backside for the next 15 years. 15 years is a generous estimate as it’s likely she will die before then.”