Having a roommate is a very unique experience.
More often than not, it doesn’t work.
It’s a fragile dance of egos and issues.
And it can lead to some very interesting dilemmas.
Case in point…
Redditor Throw_away_no374828 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for triggering my roommate’s eating disorder?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My roommate moved in 4 months ago and she’s constantly telling me what I can and can’t put in our fridge.”
“I can’t bring in cottage cheese, yogurt, celery, chicken breast, rice cakes etc etc because it’s stuff that triggers her because it’s what she ate during her eating disorder days.”
“I put it in a white plastic bag which she claims she will look inside of and get triggered by.”
“The only way she says I can have that stuff in the apartment is in a mini fridge in my room.”
“My room is tiny barely fits my bed and desk and Im not spending the money on a mini fridge when there’s a perfectly good fridge in the kitchen.”
“I told her if she buys the mini fridge I will use it but she refuses saying I should be buying the mini fridge because I’m choosing to buy foods that trigger her and I can just not.”
“But she’s triggered by staple foods!”
“Unfortunately I can’t move out until the lease is up in June and this apartment is cheaper than most so I don’t want to move out.”
“I just ignore her until last week when she threw out my groceries!”
“We had a fight about it and she accused me of being cruel to make her look at her triggering foods.”
“But I put them in a white grocery bag, she can’t see anything unless she intentionally looks at it which she admits she does but still blames me.”
“AITA?
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. This should have been discussed before she moved in, it wasn’t.”
“She has no say in what you put in a communal fridge and if she throws stuff away again document and take her to small claims court.” ~ missmegz1492
“Everyone that mentions a trigger and expects you to change is using it for control.”
“Triggers are meant to be things they are aware of, so they can adapt and make coping mechanisms.”
“If they tell you, it’s not so you will change.”
“It’s so you’ll know why they might act strange or remove themselves from a situation.”
“In this case, putting your groceries in an opaque white bag was a thoughtful accommodation.”
“It wasn’t enough because it didn’t yield the desired control.” ~ NotOneOfTheBottle
“Yes, this is all about control – not triggers.”
“Frankly, I don’t understand how the roommate expects to live in the world if she can’t stand the sight of these very basic foods!”
“Is she going to try to get them banned from every workplace staff fridge she encounters.”
“And will she go around snooping into lunch bags to ensure that the ‘forbidden’ foods aren’t on the premises?”
“Good luck retaining a job if THAT’s how she behaves!”
“OP, your roommate is either a few sandwiches short of a picnic or she’s hit on a handy-dandy way to control every single thing you bring into your SHARED apartment.”
“Either way, it’s on her and you are NTA!” ~ Marzipan-Shepherdess
“In an incident years ago, I had a yellow shirt wrapped over my face and a particular beer tipped on my head.”
“I don’t ask people not to drink that beer or wear yellow.”
“Because my triggers are MY problem. I won’t wear yellow, and I won’t drink that beer.”
“I work in hospo and we serve THAT beer on tap in our pub.”
“The smells makes me wanna chuck, but if I’m asked to pour it, I hold my breath and don’t smell it.”
“It’s on ME to figure my crap out.”
“My flatmate drinks THAT beer.”
“And as long as he doesn’t wave a bottle under my nose, it’s fine.” ~ LadyBloo
“I hesitate to ask as this sounds like it was a traumatic incident for you and I’m sorry if it’s insensitive to do so, but I’m mystified.”
“Feel free to tell me to piss off if you don’t want to answer!”
“From your description it kinda sounds like you were waterboarded with a beer.”
“Am I getting the gist of it?”
“And in the spirit of the sub, OP is NTA.” ~ twistednwarped
“And if OP buys a mini fridge, this woman would also open it and be triggered by all the stuff like with the with bag.”
“She could just keep her nose out of things that aren’t hers.”
“Or she buys herself a fridge and the communal one is OP’s. NTA.” ~ Sheeps_n_Birds
“NTA. A plastic opaque bag to keep your own food in is a great idea.”
“If she looks into a bag that she knows is full of food that does NOT belong to her, that’s on her.” ~ Backstreetberlin
“The roommate has obviously not recovered.”
“I don’t think she necessarily needs to be blamed for her mental illness, but she does need to take responsibility for the fact that she’s not in a place to be living communally yet.” ~ estherstein
“I feel for the roommate because she’s clearly not recovered enough to be sharing a home and fridge with a roommate.”
“But I suspect she has to for financial reasons.”
“That said, she should’ve been upfront about this before moving in so she and OP could have determined whether or not it would work.”
“I wonder if a compromise could be that OP puts her food in the main fridge.”
“But in a zipper cooler or other sort of bag that could have a little padlock on it.”
“Like the kind that comes with luggage.”
“Obviously OP shouldn’t have to do that, but it might be the most peaceful and least expensive way to get by until one of them can find other accommodations.” ~ hyperRed13
“NTA – this girl needs her own apartment.”
“I am all for being as accommodating as possible but she is asking for way too much from you.”
“Hiding your food in plastic bags is already a bit much but at least that’s easy enough to do.”
“If she needs separate fridges she should buy her own.” ~ SadderOlderWiser
“NTA. Just SEEING the food is enough to trigger her?”
“How does she go grocery shopping? Does she put a blindfold on at the store?”
“You put the food into something that she can’t see into so it doesn’t trigger her and she deliberately looked.”
“Sounds like she WANTS to be triggered so she can play the victim all her life.” ~ Shozurei
“Yes, seeing the food is enough to trigger someone with an eating disorder which is why it is very difficult for people who have these disorders to eat in the first place.”
“It makes every meal hard, it makes even attempting to eat difficult.”
“While I agree that she should not have looked and her behavior is invasive/unfair, your assumption about the roommate victimizing herself is incredibly cruel and unfounded.”
“A mental health disorder can lead to seemingly irrational behaviors.”
“It’s possible that perhaps the roommate feels they need to keep track of all food in the house or something else.”
“I know I’ve done my fair share of incredibly crazy things when I was going through it at its worst.”
“OP is NTA, the roommate needs to take responsibility for their actions (especialy since OP has been more than reasonable).”
“But seriously wtf is with people blaming the roommate for their own mental health issues.” ~ bubbledumbb**ch
“NTA. Tell her to trigger her ass right back out the door.”
“You live there and can eat what you want and keep what you want in the fridge.”
“Make it clear that if she refuses to pay for what she threw out that she will be eating out of the trash because her food is going to join yours.” ~ Trina608
“I’m a recovering addict, and for us being around drugs and alcohol could of course be triggering, and even dangerous.”
“That said, I am responsible for my own recovery.”
“In early recovery, I would never have chosen to live with anyone who drank a lot or used drugs, because of course it would have been triggering.”
“But also it wouldn’t have been reasonable for me to expect them not to.”
“It sounds like OP’s roommate might be in early recovery; and if not, then still struggling with the eating disorder.”
“I have empathy for her, but what she is expecting is not reasonable or fair to OP. NTA.” ~ JLHuston
“NTA. You’re making reasonable accomodations.”
“If she looks inside an opaque bag, that’s on her.”
“Next time she throws out your stuff, make her replace it.” ~ urson_black
OP Reddit has your back.
People shouldn’t be throwing away other people’s food.
That’s lesson one.
Sounds like these living arrangements need adjusting.