Whether or not someone makes the cut for a wedding guest list can be a rather sensitive subject.
Often, it isn’t anything personal, as sometimes capacity limits, if not the sheer cost of it, will immediately limit who gets invited and who doesn’t.
Even though every now and again, it isn’t uncommon for a bride or groom to deliberately not want someone present at their wedding.
When Redditor Frosty_Foundation130 found out they didn’t get invited to the wedding of someone in their friend group, she was disappointed, but understanding.
That is, until the original poster (OP) realized that she was almost literally the odd one out.
But after being scolded for her behavior after the fact, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving my friend group chat after being left out at a wedding?”
The OP first shared how when she learned that a member of a fairly extended friend group was getting married, she was prepared for the fact that she wouldn’t be invited to the wedding.
“I have a very large friend group that hangs out all together a couple times a year.”
“We have a large group chat which we use regularly to share memories and photos.”
“As I mentioned, it’s a very large group, about 18 people.”
“As such, obviously we aren’t all equally close.”
“Some of the connections between people in the group is mainly mutual friends.”
“However, we do all generally go to the same parties.”
“Well one of the people in this group was getting married and although we’ve known each other for a couple of years now, I’m not close friends with her. I suspected I wouldn’t get an invite to her wedding because she said it was more of a low key event and I knew she didn’t have a lot to spend on it.”
“When it came time to send out her invitations, I received a call from one of our mutual friends whom we are both close with.”
“My friend wanted to tell me that the bride felt really awful about it but that she couldn’t invite me to the wedding because of limited space.”
“I immediately reached out to her and let her know that there were no hard feelings and that weddings were stressful enough.”
“I did feel a little bad about not being invited but I also assumed that there were other people in our friend group receiving similar calls.”
But shortly after the wedding took place, the OP learned the hard way that she was the only member of the group who didn’t make the cut for the wedding.
“Well as it turned out, I was completely wrong.”
“This weekend my group chat blew up with pictures from the wedding and while I was looking through them I realized that I had been the only one who didn’t receive an invite.”
“What was worse was that everyone who had a SO has gotten a plus one.”
“Even my friend who had started dating his girlfriend AFTER I was told they couldn’t invite me.”
“I was so embarrassed.”
“I’ve been very insecure about friendships the majority of my life because I’ve had multiple people ‘upgrade’ to someone more popular than me.”
“So I suppose because of this I got upset and decided I didn’t want to be apart of the entire group anymore and I left the group chat.”
“That’s when my friends started reaching out to me asking why I had left.”
“Some of them were understanding but my best friend told me that it looks really bratty and petty.”
“Now I’m feeling bad because I really didn’t want to put a damper on their wedding joy, but being excluded really hurt my feelings.”
“So now I’m worrying.”
“Am I in the wrong?”
“I have hung out with the bride and her husband numerous times before as well as house sit and pet sat for them.”
“I don’t think the couple meant anything malicious towards me by not inviting me, as we had always gotten along before.”
“Like I said I wasn’t expecting an invitation but I also wish the bride hadn’t made our friend tell me that I couldn’t be invited due to space limitations.”
“Seeing as though that people were invited after all the ‘seats’ were supposedly filled.”
“Would I still have felt left out if she had said nothing to me about it?”
‘Yes of course but I would have understood like I said we’re friends but not close friends.”
“I just wish she didn’t go the extra mile and make it seem like I would have gotten an invite ‘if only’.”
“I don’t know everyone’s individual relationship with each other but I do know that some of my friends were surprised they had gotten an invite.”
“Personally, I’m not close to them but I would still call them friends.”
“Not all of my friends knew that I wasn’t invited.”
“They only found out after they went to the wedding.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting to leave the group chat after being the only member not invited to the wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to feel hurt, and felt that the Bride telling the OP she wasn’t invited through a third party made her the petty one.
“To exclude 1 out of 18 friends is pretty sh*tty of her.”
“You have a right to feel however you feel.”
“It is not bratty or petty.”- Mishy162
“Tell her she’s being inconsiderate by disregarding your feelings on the matter.”
“Its f*cked up that they’d invite a large number of your friends group but not you.”
“They didn’t feel the need to include you and this seems intentional.”
‘Why would you want to be around people that will try to downplay a valid response to a slight?”-BEATUWITHASTICK
“17 out of 18 get invited, all with plus ones.”
“But the bride gets a friend to call and explain you’re not invited?”
“Thats a class act right there.”
“Your better off without them all.”- Kqhbabies
“Out of 17 people, 16 and a bunch of their plus ones were invited?”
“Miss me with whatever mind game bullsh*t going on there.”
“You’re better off without them.”
“People who expect you to swallow this kind of disrespect for group cohesion are really just trying to make you feel bad for having any guts.”
“You stood up for yourself, you’re a fucking legend right now.”
“Stick with the friends that reached out with concern, drop the rest.”- Originalstickers
“What she did was mean and petty.”
“You’re rightfully upset. don’t feel bad for them, they are not hurt by you leaving but by you pointing out how awful they are”
“It’s time to find some new friends who respect you.”- maibearx
“Your ‘best friend’ is probably feeling some type of way about going and enjoying herself while you were being deliberately snubbed and now she’s trying to deflect her guilt onto you.”
“Don’t fall for that.”- Iamanamalgam
“She excluded you on purpose.”
“Your best friend should have backed you because why would you want to be the black sheep of the friend group.”
“Plus those situations can get messy AF, you did good for you.”- uchihauzumaki
The OP later gave an update, sharing how they have mostly moved on, but also how her friend regretted calling her “petty” after learning the whole story.
“Ultimately, I wish I hadn’t left the group chat the way I did.”
“I probably could have just quietly left afterwards when it wasn’t so obvious why. It did feel childish on my end but after reflecting on it, how long was this giant group going to last anyways.”
“I don’t have any ill will towards the bride or groom and I’m sure they didn’t think it would upset me.”
“However in the heat of the moment I was embarrassed and felt like I had been played.”
“I also have spoken to my best friend today and she didn’t know the whole story.”
“She hadn’t known that the bride had asked one of our other friends to tell me I wasn’t invited.”
“She thought I wasn’t even aware that there was a wedding.”
“My friend is a little spacey so I know she didn’t remember when I had asked for help finding a gift for their engagement party.”
A bride and groom will have to cut off the guest list at some point.
But one can’t help but raise an eyebrow at the fact that there wasn’t room for the OP at this recent wedding, but there was for a significant other who came into the picture after they. sent out the invitations.
It’s hard not to agree with the OP’s prediction that she might not. be the last person to leave this group text.