If a member of our family went to prison, many of us would want to do everything we could to help them while they’re in there.
But at what point is our family member simply asking too much of us in the effort to help manage their life while they’re gone?
That’s the dilemma a woman on Reddit was facing, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for some perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the name totalcollection7197 on the site, asked:
“WIBTA if I don’t do a stupid errand for my sister?”
She explained:
“My (19F[emale]) sister (28F) is in jail. When she was sentenced, she wore a suit with a very expensive (costing several hundreds) pair of shoes.”
“When she arrived there and was issued with her prison clothes, her shoes were confiscated because they were stilettos and could be used as weapons. The shoes were stored in a ‘property box’.”
“Understandably those shoes are valuable so my sister doesn’t want them shoved into a prison storage. She called me and asked me to visit her, and said I could sign some forms to collect the shoes.”
“She’s already asked my parents to do this and they said no. I completely agree with them and think it’s silly.”
“But it’s not just that. My sister said she also wants me to bring the shoes BACK when she’s nearing release, so she can put them back on when she leaves that place.”
“I’m sorry but this is ridiculous. If she doesn’t want to risk her nice shoes in a prison storage box, then she doesn’t get to pick and choose when they are in there.”
“I don’t have a car and the prison is a long way away and inconvenient for public transport. My sister committed crimes she didn’t need to commit, destroyed her own career, and is hardly acting like a model prisoner.”
“She was caught with a contraband smartphone and punished for it. I’m not going to go out of my way for someone who isn’t even making an effort to sort her life out.”
“Despite all that she still wants me to act like her maid and look after her things. When I said no she got upset with me, said that those shoes were a valuable item and that she ‘never forgive me’ if they were damaged or stolen.”
“I said that she should have thought of that before she wore them to court, and when I said that she started crying, call me an AH and hung up.”
“I do feel bad about making her cry. I can’t imagine what it’s like for her in that place or how scared she is. But on the other hand I don’t see why I have to make such an effort to get the shoes, and then bring them back when it’s convenient for her.”
“AITA?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong here based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And they were pretty much not having it with the incarcerated sister’s shoe drama.
“NTA. She should have brought back up shoes in case she was convicted.”
“This shows she never thought conviction could happen to her, and her entitled type of mind. Tell her you have no means of transportation and that she should ask her attorney to sort it out.” —liliette
“Stilettos to court? Your sister is an idiot.”
“NTA” —travellingdink
“…A juror probably voted ‘guilty’ just by seeing her shoes (and probably snotty attitude) OP is NTA and if I was there I would tell you every day: don’t let her get to you, you did nothing wrong.”
“She’s lashing out to make you look like a bad guy to make herself feel better about ‘being stuck there'” —ryoko_kusanagi
“NTA – her shoes will be safe in prison storage.”
“It’s unbelievable she is trying to guilt you and saying you’ll make her cry. When she is the one that got herself in prison.” —Calm_Investment
“NTA.”
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” —just_play_one_on_tv
“NTA, if she didn’t want them to be stored on a prison storage box she shouldn’t have worn them when going to prison.”
“And if they’re ruined while in prison storage she can sue the prison for the damages, what’s the problem?” —RenaxTM
“I’d be willing to bet that her obsessive attachment to ‘things’ is part of the reason she’s ‘cooling her heels’ in the Grey bar hotel.”
“She needs to worry more about getting her life together when she eventually gets out, and less about cutting a stunning profile walking out the gate. NTA.” —TriumphAnt462XO
“NTA”
“You’d think getting convicted would have taught her that choices/actions have consequences, but if it takes a pair of (potentially damaged) stilettos to drive the message home then so be it.” —toooldforteenagebs
“NTA for not being the shoes babysitter, but are you not visiting at all? I guess the visits are suspended due to ‘You know what’ but you could offer to just collect them on your next visit if you want to be kind.”
“I’d give her the choice of you picking them up and storing them until she comes home or leaving them there…” —Alpaca_Tasty_Picnic
“NTA, but the vast majority of your submission has nothing to do with why.”
“‘AITA? My sister wants me to take a long, inconvenient public-transportation trip, pick up her shoes, bring them home, then bring them back for her later, and I don’t want to.'” —Cent1234
“NTA. You have no obligation to do that at all. And if you took them and something happened you would be blamed. Sounds like she needs to work on her priorities!” —These-Coat-3164
“NTA.”
“Don’t let her crying change your mind. I’ve known a lot of awful people who use tears as emotional blackmail. All she’s concerned about is material possessions.”
“If she is going to get her life together, she’s going to have to realize that they aren’t that important. And it’s not your responsibility to help her in any way. She’s an adult.” —AuldLangSimone
Hopefully these sisters can find a way to work through this conflict.