Friendship is a two-way street. Love and support may not be exactly even, but it should flow both aways.
When pickme13 found that her friendship didn’t appear to be wholly based on support, she got upset at her friend and stormed away.
But now the original poster (OP)’s friends are taking her friend’s side and she’s unsure if she was wrong.
To figure it out, OP asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about her situation.
The question posed was:
“AITA for getting mad at my friend because he said he “purposely f**ks with me”?”
Her situation is worse than you might think:
“My friend C (m[ale]31) has been going through a really nasty divorce, I’ve never seen someone hurting so bad.”
“I’ve (F[emale]27) done everything I can in my power to be a good friend to him in his time of need, taking him out, held him while he cried, babysat his kid etc.”
“I’ve always considered him a great friend, but every time we hang out I noticed that he loves to make fun of me (most people would say harmless jokes, and it doesn’t help I’m known to be very sensitive).”
“I know that good friends tease each other, and according to him it’s his ‘way of showing affection.’ But it just never sits right with me.”
“Then today after weeks and weeks of me being there for him (no matter how much he seems to take his feelings out on me) he literally admitted that he ‘purposely says sh*t just to f**k with me’.”
“To be more detailed, today he told me he was upset with me but wouldn’t tell me why, the only thing he would say about it was ‘you already know why I’m upset, think about it’.”
“Then about 30 mins later of me begging him to explain, he finally admits he made it up to f**k with me, and how he does this all the time.”
“So naturally of course, I storm out. And to top it all off… he’s now gaslighting me saying ‘he never said that’ and has our other friends agreeing with him (because ‘he would never do that’).”
“So Reddit AITA? Starting to feel a bit crazy. This sucks.”
On the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit people explain their situation and their reaction and are judged based on what they do or, in this case, are considering.
This is done by fellow users who include one of the following in their comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP’s friend, C, did a horrible thing, and went on to lie about it. Whether or not she can convince her other friends, OP had an appropriate reaction to what C said.
The commenters agreed that OP was NTA.
“He IS gaslighting you. Stop being friends with someone who has no respect for your, intentionally hurts you and causes anxiety, admits to it, and then gets other friends to back up his gaslighting.”
“It’s time to put your foot down and tell him you’re done–with favors, with time, with anything. If that’s how he treats you, he’s not a friend, he’s a user.” – Limerase
“And OP isn’t too ‘sensitive’ she’s being emotionally manipulated and abused. She needs to start respecting her own feelings, and not let others minimize them.” – Permit-Extreme-117
“NTA. He’s gaslighting you. He sounds incredibly emotionally selfish, cruel and narcissistic. And a BAD friend who isn’t worthy of your care.”
“So what if you’re sensitive? Good friends will work with that and not prey on your sensitivities. Run away.” – soul_and_fire
“NTA. This behavior is probably what got him divorced in the first place. You don’t need to be the surrogate wife that he emotionally tortures to make himself feel good and feel like he’s in control of his life.”
“Put in clear boundaries to protect yourself, and if you need to go no contact then do.”
“He will twist the narrative and make you seem like the bad guy, but for the sake of your own mental health you need to take a step back and really reconsider what sort of support you offer this guy moving forwards.”
“Good luck.” – PJ_fan
“Ummm… sorry to break it to you honey but you’re being exploited by a jerk.”
“He’s taking advantage of your kindness and supposed friendship (which seems fairly one-sided: would he do any of the things you do for him for you?) and just moved into manipulative territory.”
“Run away from such people. Don’t swim an ocean for someone who wouldn’t jump over a puddle for you. NTA.” – Coxal_anomaly
With this revelation about how OP treats those around him, some started questioning why he really got divorced.
“I hope I’m wrong but I’m getting a reeeeeally creepy vibe off this guy. Wife leaves him, he’s soooo upset, OP help me and bond with my son while I gaslight you…”
“I’m not saying he’s lining OP up to be wifevictim #2 because #1 wised up and got out. But if he were doing that, this is what it would look like.”
“‘Selfish, cruel a**hole’ is kinda the best case scenario here. Lose him.” – Doctor-Liz
“NTA. And now you know why his marriage failed. And now not only has he lost his spouse, he’s lost a friend too.”
“And you know those friends defending him will be next on the list.” – Flaky_Tip
“NTA, no wonder his wife left him, now that he can’t abuse her, he has set his sights on you.”
“You don’t need him or any of his supporters in your life, once you are no longer a viable target for his abuse, he will do it to someone else and you can take a large sip of I told you so tea” – Double_Reindeer_6884
“He is not your friend. Just because you want to see the good in people and help him out, doesn’t mean it’s a friendship. Walk away.”
“TBH, I can see why the guy is getting divorced and I congratulate the wife on escaping this emotionally abusive, manipulative AH.” – connynebbercracker
OP can be reassured that, at the very least, strangers on the internet don’t think she overreacted.
However, C needs to consider why he feels the need to constantly lie to people.