It’s very important to be mindful and sensitive to the food allergies of others.
When cooking dinner for friends and family, one should always make sure that they won’t be serving them any ingredients which could put someone into a dangerous, possibly life threatening situation.
Whether or not it’s all right to eat something someone else is allergic to when in their company, however, is a somewhat more debatable issue.
Redditor Sad_Region_4752 found himself in hot water with his girlfriend on a recent outing, when she claimed he wasn’t being sensitive to her allergies.
Worried he stepped out of line, the original poster, (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for letting my son order a sandwich, even though my girlfriend has a gluten allergy?”
The OP first explained how he was in a relatively new relationship which was about to hit a fairly significant milestone.
“I have been dating ‘Molly’ for the last three months, and today was the first time she had met my sons, Freddy (6 M[ale]) and Connor (2M).”
While out to lunch, Molly hit something of a snag because of her allergies, but the OP didn’t seem to think it proved to be much of an issue.
“Molly has a gluten allergy.”
“When we went to the diner she asked the waitress if they had gluten free bread and she said no so Molly asked not to have any toast with her breakfast plate.”
“Connor wanted a sandwich so I let him have one, and the whole meeting went well overall.”
After their outing, however, the OP learned it wasn’t as flawless as he had thought.
“When we parted ways, Molly sent me a text message saying that it was nice meeting my sons but that she would’ve appreciated if I hadn’t let my son order a sandwich after she specifically said that she was allergic.”
“I replied with an apology for making her feel that way, but I didn’t think that letting him have bread was such a big deal, to which Molly said that it was to her and that she would appreciate me being more sensitive.”
“I understand where she’s coming from, it must be hard not to be able to eat the same things as others and I don’t want to demean that.”
“But I don’t think that I should limit my sons’ food because of it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in with where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
It seemed pretty clear in the eyes of fellow Redditors that the OP was not at all being an a**hole by allowing his son to enjoy a sandwich.
A number of people who suffer from allergies themselves came forward by saying that they would never expect others not to eat things they’re allergic to.
“I can’t eat gluten, OR dairy.”
“And that’s my problem, not anybody else’s.”
“Unless the kid dropped his sandwich on her plate, she’s way out of line and also ridiculous.”
“NTA, but I’d say three months is enough on this one, personally.”
“I wouldn’t invest much time into someone who feels entitled to police what I feed my kid based on their dietary restrictions.”
“Take this as a sign that she’s hasn’t got the good judgment or temperament necessary to be a stepmother to small children and move on.”-Trilobyte141.
“I have celiac disease.”
“Molly needs to get over herself.”
“She’s the a**hole, expecting your sons to eat based on her dietary restrictions.”
“There is no legitimate health reason for it as long as you’re not sharing food.”-Skylark7.
“Eating the littlest bit of gluten would rip me up but this was over the top.”
“You can be celiac and in the presence of gluten just fine.”
“It’s actually kind of necessary for going anywhere there are people.”-CutiePopIceberg.
“As somebody with a severe nut allergy (I will die), I never tell somebody to not order something with nuts.”
“Unless ‘Molly’ is planning to kiss the kids on the lips, there should be no reason why the CHILDREN can’t order a normal sandwich.”
“I grew up not being able to eat cake at birthday parties because it ‘may contain nuts’.”
“It is what it is, not a big deal.”
“She is absolutely 100% in the wrong.”
“Get out while you can.”-bweihs.
“I’m deathly allergic to tomatoes and even get blisters if I touch them.”
“Anyone is free to enjoy them around me but if you offer me food off your plate I will decline.”
“Even when I go over to someone’s house and they tell me what they are making the most I will ask is if they will leave the tomatoes on the side.”
“It has happened where someone cut a tomato and the juice got on my arm resulting in a blister.”
“It was an accident and I can’t expect everyone to cater to me.”-No_Adhesiveness_1918.
Others felt it wasn’t fair of Molly to let the OP know after the fact she was uncomfortable with his son’s order.
She should have said something earlier or shouldn’t have gone out to a restaurant at all.
“NTA – If her allergy means she can’t even be *near* gluten, like someone with a severe peanut allergy (which maybe is thing, but if it is, I’m not aware of it), then she should have said something to you about it.”
“‘I’m allergic to X, so your children aren’t allowed to have it’ is *weird*.”
“She’s a grown a** adult; she can order for herself, but she’s jealous that a child got to have a sandwich when she couldn’t?”- Samael13.
“While she might not like to see other people enjoy eating foods she can’t enjoy, asking anyone, and especially a 2 year old to also refrain is unreasonable.”
“Reject a table bread basket? Maybe.”
“Anything else should still be fair game.”- LeastLikely2Succeed.
“So she’s got an issue with a certain food and everyone else has to avoid it too?”
“Are her allergies so bad she can’t be in the same room as bread?”-Awkward-Painter.
Other’s took Molly’s behavior as something of a red flag and the OP might want to re-think if he’s in a healthy relationship.
“NTA Your girlfriend doesn’t get to control your children’s diet.”-Aunty_Fascist.
“As far as I know, someone with celiacs or a gluten intolerance actually has to eat something with gluten (or cross-contaminated) to have a reaction.”
“Was your girlfriend just upset that someone was eating bread in front of her?”
“Sounds like your girlfriend was just upset about your 2-year-old eating a sandwich in front of her.”
“In a comment you say she has accepted your sons, but you also say this is the first time she met them.”
“If she immediately texted you about the sandwich, I would say she hasn’t accepted them.”
“What kind of a person gets jealous of a toddler who can eat bread?”
“You know this is going to keep coming up with her, right?”
“She is going to keep pushing you to not allow your sons to eat things that she can’t.”
“That isn’t fair to your sons.”-columbospeugeot.
“Take this for the red flag it is”
“. Unless she has an airborne allergy to gluten (in that case she shouldn’t be in a restaurant that serves it) she can suck up a kid eat a sandwich.”-HarlesBronson.
“Gluten isn’t an airborne allergy.”
“This right here is what we call a RED FLAG and if she is going to pull this crap with you over a sandwich, I can only imagine what other type of entitled behavior towards you and your kids.”
“Will she not allow you or your kids to have gluten cause she can’t?”
“Where will it end?”
“I’d run. Fast dude.”- McflyThrowaway01.
“Lol, she’s not eating the sandwich and if her gluten allergy is that severe, she should not be eating at a diner that’s not certified gluten-free.”
“It’s only been six months, just met your sons, and already trying to dictate what you can or can’t eat in her presence.”-DeepDarkBlues_96.
“Get out while you can.”- StreamAngler.
“Your kid is 2 years old.”
“Imagine telling a toddler they can’t have the food they want because someone else at the table couldn’t eat it.”
“Unless it’s a situation where coming into any contact with the allergen in question can cause a severe reaction I don’t see how it would affect her at all.”-CephalopodSpy.
“You didn’t ask her to eat the sandwich.”
“It’s ridiculous to expect others to abide by your food allergies.”
“This kind of attitude is rather troubling – she appears to think the world owes her something.”-phiwong.
“And I think your son just developed an allergy to self-centered women so you better stay away from the GF.”-FunBodybuilder4620.
“She’s seriously upset because you let a two year old eat a sandwich in front of her?”
“I hope you’re both really young, because that’s a yikes.”- lihzee.
It’s hard not to find Molly’s annoyance at the behavior of a 2-year-old boy the tiniest bit troubling.
Here’s hoping this is merely a bump in the road and Molly and the OP can come to an understanding down the line.