There is little more frustrating than having to change your plans at the last minute.
Particularly when it comes to changing a vacation.
But sometimes life just gets in the way, and you may find yourself required to change a vacation you might have been saving up and planning for years.
Redditor novacayaita found herself needing to back out of an upcoming trip she was taking with her family and friends, after a family member fell ill.
Much to her surprise, however, her husband felt that it remained his right to continue on with the trip without her, something the original poster (OP) was less than thrilled about.
Concerned she may have been insensitive to her husband, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For telling my husband he’s being selfish by wanting to go camping by himself.”
The OP first explained that an upcoming trip she and her family had planned meant a lot to her husband, even if she wasn’t quite as excited about it herself.
“My husband and I are supposed to go on a camping trip this weekend with a group of his friends.”
“One of his friends and his wife recently purchased a lake lot and invited a group of people over for Memorial weekend.”
“It’s not a finished lot.”
“There’s a trailer and electricity, but no running water.”
“We have a pop-up camper we purchased a couple years ago so we were going to bring that so that there’s room for our 2-year old son and dog.”
“My husband doesn’t see this group of friends very often as we moved an hour away from a lot of them a few years ago for my career.”
“He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year and only on special occasions like this one, so he’s really been looking forward to it.”
“I’ve been a little apprehensive as this would be the first time we’ve had our son and dog in the camper, and because in general camping trips are a lot of work and it sounds like this lake lot is pretty primitive.”
However, a wrench was thrown in the OP’s plans when a family member ended up in the hospital.
“Well, last weekend my uncle had a heart attack.”
“He’s ok, but he’s still recovering in the hospital.”
“He’s hoping to be released in the next day or so.”
“My dad left my mom when I was little and this uncle took on a fatherly role for me so we are really close.”
“He lives about 2 hours from us.”
“My mom and other family members are going to visit him this weekend and I want to go with and spend at least 2 days there.”
“I also want to take my son with as he doesn’t see my family very often and I want him to build a relationship with them.”
“This is very important to me.”
While the OP’s husband was completely on board with her going to visit her uncle in place of going on their camping trip, he felt it was fine to go on the trip as scheduled.
“I told my husband all of this and he told me that I should go see me uncle and spend time with him, but that he still intends on going camping.”
“He said that he can’t exactly come with me because we can’t bring our dog with us, uncle is allergic, and he doesn’t want to just sit at home by himself for the whole weekend.”
“And the fact that he misses his friends and wants to see them.”
“I told him that he is being incredibly selfish and that I need him to help support me during this time.”
“I told him we can find someone to watch the dog and that I want him to come with me.”
“I told him that my uncle’s near-death experience is much more important than him getting drunk with his friends for a weekend.”
“I told him that ultimately the choice is up to him, but that I would never ditch him like this if it was his family member.”
“That was Sunday night and we haven’t really spoken about it since because I don’t want to bring it up and fight about it.”
“He’s been a lot quieter than he usually is so I know he’s either mad at me for making him choose or he’s thinking hard about it.”
“I know he’s been really looking forward to this trip since we started planning it months ago.”
“But the circumstances have changed and I want him to be there for me during this time.”
“I know I will have my family there, and in all honesty, they aren’t always the easiest people to be around.”
“So I know that I am asking a lot of my husband to go from a fun weekend to pretty much the complete opposite for him.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community tended to sympathize with the OP’s predicament, they were otherwise in agreement that the OP was indeed the a**hole for telling her husband he was selfish for wanting to go on the camping trip without her..
Everyone generally agreed that since the OP’s uncle seemed to be on the mend, and not at death’s door, she should let her husband go on the trip, particularly as she didn’t want to go that much in the first place and he moved away from his friends so she could further her career.
“YTA for calling him selfish.”
“Your uncle isn’t on his deathbed, you’re going to see him when he’s released.”
“Your husband moved away and never sees his friends and was looking forward to this trip.”
“Let him go.”- Worried_Aerie_7512
“Your uncle is going to be fine.”
“While it’s understandable that you’d like your husband there, it is understandable that your husband would prefer to keep his plans to see his friends.”
“Friends he rarely sees, because he moved away for your career.”
“Now had your uncle died, then I’d have a different answer.”
“Your trip to see your uncle will really be about you spending time with your family, and not about you spending time with your husband.”-Talathia
“All I’m reading is ME ME ME.”
“He moved away from his friends FOR YOU.”
“All you can do is gripe and complain about the whole planned trip, and than your uncle gets sick, you said yourself he’s gonna be fine, and you see your chance to cancel.”
“So you play the ‘I need support’ card even though you’ll have tons from your family, and if he’s gonna be fine WHY DO YOU NEED SUPPORT AT ALL?”
“You sound VERY needy and high maintenance .”
“‘OH NO, no running water WHILE CAMPING!'”
“You are, I suspect, purposely trying to keep him from his buddies and it’s going to make him seriously resent you.”
“If behavior like this is normal, good luck on the road to divorce.”- Buddah1175
“It sounds like you never wanted to go on this camping trip.”
“I can’t blame you, haul-water camping with a two year old and a dog?”
“Your husband wants to go camping/get drunk with his friends, friends he doesn’t get to see often.”
“Now, he can’t go camping because your uncle had a heart attack last weekend and you want to go visit him this coming weekend.”
“It also sounds like you don’t like these friends.”
“Your uncle, thankfully, survived.”
“We’re not talking about a funeral, but a non-emergency visit to a sick relative.”
“You’re an adult, you can take your son to visit your uncle and your husband can take the dog camping.”- Cultural-Ambition449
“Your uncle is recovering and you have your other family for support.”
“He moved for your career and can’t see his friends.”
“Let him see them?”
“Yes if your uncle was still in a dire situation where they weren’t sure if he’d make it then probably he should be there for support but he is ok and hoping to be released.”
“Calling him selfish is uncalled for.”- Old_Calligrapher_962
“During the pandemic when we were all working from home, I told my husband I needed ‘me’ time.”
“I needed two hours a week to just ‘be’.”
“He didn’t get it, because he doesn’t need that, but he got it wasn’t about not being away from him, it was being alone.”
“Your husband wants to reconnect with friends who know him, friends he hasn’t seen, because you moved for your job.”
“I don’t think it’s just ‘getting drunk’ with them.”
“It’s reconnecting with people who know him.”
“Your uncle is in recovery and will be surrounded by family members.”
“Let your husband have this without the guilt.”
“Supporting partners looks differently and you can support him, how he’s supported you.”
“I hope that makes sense.”
“Also, did you have trepidation about going?”
Do you like his friends?”
“Good luck, I hope it all gets sorted.”-RemarkableMousse6950
It is understandable for the OP, or anyone, to want their spouse to be there for them during a difficult time.
But, seeing as her uncle, thankfully, should make a full recovery, it doesn’t seem terribly unreasonable to let her husband go on the camping trip.
Here’s hoping they eventually come to a compromise which pleases them both.