We always want to give people the benefit of the doubt.
We want to believe the best in everyone, especially friends and loved ones.
But sometimes we really need to examine when certain relationships are more toxic than good.
Case in point…
Redditor myeternalblight wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend about why a lot of people don’t like her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have this friend and she’s very straightforward.”
“She also struggled with making friends which took a toll on her mental health.”
“She’s nice and sweet but the problem is, she has no filter.”
“I appreciate her honesty but sometimes, she pokes fun at my insecurities despite me coming clean to her a couple of times on why we should lay off topics about dress sizes and body weight because it triggers my body image issues.”
“So we went to the mall and she wanted to help me shop.”
“I told her that I wear a size medium or large then her first reaction was “Oh my god! You’re a large? I’m extra small. I can’t believe you’re large.’”
“I tried to laugh it off and told her, ‘Yeah. I’m not petite.’”
“I didn’t think much of it until she started handing me clothes that are sizes small and extra small which I obviously can’t fit into.”
“She also started repeating over and over on how she couldn’t buy this shirt because they only have it in small and it was too loose on her.”
“She then went on about how she could fit into child size clothes.”
“She basically spent the entire afternoon talking about how she was extra small and I was large.”
“I hit my boiling point when she commented that I don’t look Japanese to her because my face is round and big with no v-line.”
“She eventually asked my opinion about why a lot of people don’t like her.”
“Since I was so pissed off anyway, I just told her straight, ‘It’s because you act like a pick me girl and you are overly competitive over pointless things.’”
“She stared at me in disbelief and started crying.”
“I usually apologize but this time, I didn’t.”
“Should I call in and apologize?”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. She’s not straightforward, she’s mean.” ~ Decent_Sky_9880
“Also maybe a bit racist, because how do you tell someone they don’t look Japanese?”
“Japanese people, like every other race of people, don’t look identical.”
“There are plenty of different features so saying OP doesn’t look Japanese because of facial shape is just plain rude.”
“Also what’s a V line? Does she think peoples faces come from a template?” ~ Lulubelle__007
I’m here to like wtf is a V line. Don’t even tell me. I just know it’s racist.
“NTA. Don’t apologize for anything. Nothing.”
“There was nothing here wrong. And honestly.”
“Theres not even much you can say to her probably because she already has predisposed feelings toward it.” ~ overtly-Grrl
“This. OP, I would text her.”
“‘I’m sorry if what I said today hurt your feelings, but you directly asked why you have trouble making friends after you spent a day making me feel awful about my size and weight. ‘”
“‘I’ve asked you multiple times not to comment on it, but instead of respecting my feelings, you mention it over and over and over again.'”
“‘I’ve seen you do similar things to other people.'”
“‘You seem to think you’re being direct and honest, whereas it’s just cruel.'”
“‘I think you need to do some self-reflecting and before talking ask yourself if what you’re about to say is necessary, or if it’s just mean.'”
“Also, OP, you either need to stop being friends with this girl, or every time she says something mean stand up and say, “‘I don’t want to be spoken to like this, so I’m going to go.'” “
“It depends how much you care about this friendship. I’d probably be done though.” ~ crystallz2000
OP was thankful for the ideas…
“Thank you for this suggestion.”
“I don’t really know how to confront her without saying unnecessary and hurtful things but this sentiment describes how I feel about the situation entirely.”
“I think I’ll just take a breather and text her this one of these days.”
She continued reading…
“They are always the most deeply insecure people who are hiding behind a facade of superiority.”
“OPs friend is exactly this person.”
“Run them down all day and then asks why people don’t like her.”
“This is exactly what they do.”
“Thing is, it backfired because OP was supposed to say that people think she is great, but are intimidated by their confidence or some wrong answer. NTA.” ~ shopgirl2
“One of my major pet peeves is people claiming they’re ‘just honest’ or ‘straightforward’ when they’re really just jerks.”
“My best friend is an actually straightforward and assertive person who most people find incredibly intimidating (which is very funny to me).”
“Like, she will tell you when the clothes you’re trying on look terrible and then help you pick out something better and hype you up about it.”
“That’s how you do it right, this person is just a bully.” ~ Jilltro
People who call themselves straightforward or overly honest use this just as an excuse to be a**holes.”
“Same as people who call themselves jokester or prankster, but are just bullies!”
“NTA stop calling her a friend.”
“She enjoys putting others down.”
“But plays victim when someone say one word against her. sob sob.” ~Sheeps_n_Birds
“NTA. I’ve found the vast majority of people who are ‘I’m just brutally honest, it’s nothing personal, I just say it how it is!'”
“Are actually not that nice, don’t just say how things are but instead cherry pick things they know will annoy/offend/denigrate in an effort to make themselves look good in comparison.” ~ Sacred_Apollyon
“NTA. Honestly she doesn’t sound ‘straightforward’ or nice or sweet, she sounds purposely malicious.”
“She knows you have body image issues and she’s purposefully pointing out your size and comparing herself to you to make you feel bad (or herself feel better?)”
“A truly ‘straightforward’ person with no filter might do something hurtful like tell you you look fat in something or something doesn’t suit you.”
“The bs about giving you obviously too small clothes and talking about how small she is isn’t because she doesn’t have a filter, it’s because she’s intentionally being spiteful.”
“This girl is not your friend.”
“It sounds like your friends ego and self worth are tied into her perception of others and how she’s ‘better,’ in her eyes, than them.”
“You were honest, in the moment, and that doesn’t require an apology.”
“An afternoon of supposedly friendly shopping which was just her complimenting herself or being nasty to you?”
“That’s what she needs to apologise for.” ~ grammarlysucksass
“So there’s some research that suggests thin people get a self esteem boost from calling other people fat/large.”
“Basically it raises the social value of their thinness for other people not to be thin.”
“Conversely, it has a negative effect on the people that the comments are aimed at – regardless of actual body size.”
“So basically, some thin people with self esteem issues will sometimes start acting like self esteem vampires.”
“They repeatedly bring up, point out, and criticize other people’s bodies to raise their own self esteem at the cost of the other person’s self esteem.”
“As a side point, this is why I think it’s total BS when most people say they are commenting on other people’s bodies out of ‘concern for their health.’”
“Because at the end of the day, a lot of people don’t want their larger friends to lose weight and will get angry and resentful if their friends do.”
“They’re not motivated by wanting to help their friend’s health.”
“They’re motivated by wanting to boost their own self esteem and get upset when the other person doesn’t play along.”
“ETA – OP I think you are entirely right to cut this friend off – they are not your friend.”
“And the social science backs you up! NTA.” ~ sillysnakessssssss
“I’m a straightforward woman, and have tons of friends, people love my company and find me hilarious.”
“I would never in a million years pull what your friend did to anyone.” ~ Dry-Bodybuilder4694
OP wanted to let everyone know a few things…
“EDIT: She’s always had self-esteem issues herself and I’ve always turned a blind eye whenever she tries to compare herself to me.”
“I think she feeds off being ‘one level’ above other people and since I’m mostly lax.”
“I don’t think much of it but now, I think I’ll just cut her off. I’m done being her ‘inferior’ friend.”
“Thank you for all the helpful suggestions and the insights.”
“I might take a break from her then just talk to her honestly when I’m ready.”
“I would just lay everything on her one last time and if she still makes herself the victim.”
“I’ll just get rid of her immediately.”
Well it sounds like OP heard Reddit loud and clear.
Some friendships are not a forever situation.
And that is ok.
Good luck OP!