A woman was eager to discuss plans for the future with her significant other (SO) if and when they have a baby together.
But all sense of her enthusiasm for starting a family with him diminished the moment she discovered they were not on the same page.
Sensing that he might already have one foot out the door from their relationship, Redditor Ariyanwrynn1989 sought Reddit’s Relationship Advice forum to hear what people had to say.
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“My(30 f[emale]) SO (32 m[ale]) wants to sign away his parental rights if we have a baby.”
“Me and my SO are currently trying for a baby. I was talking to him about some things involving us and baby should we be successful.”
“He told me that his plans are to sign away all rights to the baby so that I have full custody and power of decision making and can do whatever I want in regards to how the baby is raised.”
“This does NOT sit well with me. I dont like the idea that if there was ever a falling out between us he would have no legal reason to still support our child, that he could walk away and abandon even without consequences.”
“There’s also the possibility that if things ended badly I could make the decision to keep the child away from him if I wanted to.”
“All around it just doesn’t sit well with me, can people just sign away parental rights like that wily nilly?”
This also didn’t sit well with strangers on the internet, and Redditors advised the OP to reconsider having a baby with him.
“I think you may want to reconsider having a child with this guy, for now at least.”
“Until you can have an in depth conversation, for sure. Maybe he’s getting nervous about having a kid depending on him?” – IamJacobSeed
“I can’t believe OP is currently in the process of planning a baby with someone where this basic thing was unknown and this is part of his plan for parenting. He sounds like a train wreck.”
“OP, please reconsider. Co parenting, parental rights, child support, and trusting the parenting of your partner are NO F’KING JOKE.”
“You clearly do not have enough information about this guy to have a child with him. Period.” – Kristishere
“If he’s planning to be an active parent, signing away his rights sounds batsh*t crazy.” – VisiblePiano0
“It’s not even a legal possibility in most places. Like he can’t sign away his need to support the child if you break up.”
“Is that his plan?”
“Or is his plan to just (have the option to) emotionally and physically abandon the child? Like either way it’s terrible.”
“There is no good, altruistic reason to do this, even if he says it’s ‘for you.’ You don’t want it, and it’s not what’s best for the child.”
“I’d suggest IMMEDIATELY rethinking your choice to conceive a child with him. This is a huge red flag and you’re right to identify it.” – PM_UR_FELINES
People remained dumbfounded.
“So strange if you are actively trying!”
“If he’s going to be involved why would he want you to make all the decisions?”
“Maybe ask him if hes having any concerns/ anxieties about having a baby?”
“Good luck!” – ZennMD
“I am honestly not sure what kind of in depth talk would be productive here.”
“There’s literally no reason a parent who plans to stick around would ever sign away their rights. How can you ever imagine having a child with such a person?”
“Do you want to raise it alone?” – indigo_tortuga
The OP responded by questioning her SO’s motives.
“I want to know if this talk is coming from a place of fear and anxiety over not being a good parent, or if just wants to be a sperm donor so to speak.”
“If its the former, then we can work thru it. If its the later, than not.”
But for some, the motives don’t really matter.
“Does it matter where its coming from?”
“To say something this moronic about your own child….again, why would you ever even want to have someone like this touch you much less have a baby with them?” – indigo_tortuga
“He’s saving his own a** so he doesn’t have to pay child support if you guys don’t work out.”
“Do not have a baby with someone who is willing to sign away their rights to their own child. He’s trying to have a backup plan.” – HannahKateBanana
“He’s saving his own a** so he doesn’t have to pay child support if you guys don’t work out.”
“Do not have a baby with someone who is willing to sign away their rights to their own child. He’s trying to have a backup plan.” – HannahKateBanana
“If you make a baby together you are both responsible. Waving away his rights gives me the feeling if sh*t hits the fan, he walks away with no strings attached.”
“Im a dad myself but I can’t even imagine why he is doing/saying this. This is a warning sign to start having a baby with him. A baby is not something you make and then can dispose. A baby/kid is a lifelong work.”
“I would have a serious conversation with him! If you 2 are having a baby, let him have his portion too. He is the dad after all and is also responsible!!” – Dinklefairy_87
“If he can stick it in, he can also stick it out and take his dadly actions that are needed to be a real dad.”
“Advice for you: think 2 of even 3 times before having kids. If things are bad now, a baby won’t rescue your relationship! And a baby growing up in a relationship where there are lots of stress and arguements is not good for the child.” – Dinklefairy_87
Contrary to what the SO thinks, these Redditors asserted that giving away parental rights is not that simple.
“This is not how the legal system works or else every deadbeat would voluntarily surrender parent rights. Nope, nope, nope.”
“He cannot surrender those rights unless he’s deemed a severe threat to the baby, backed up by law enforcement, or you are in a new relationship with someone who would adopt the baby.”
“Both have to go to the court, approved by a judge, and proven to be in the child’s best interests.”
“Run.” – The-Scarlet-Witch
“Get on birth control and/or stop having sex with this person immediately. This is a man who is creating an escape plan where he gets off Scot free.”
“In actuality it’s very difficult to sign away parental rights.”
“In most places you have to prove it’s in the child’s best interest and have another person who is willing to take your place (like if a step-parent were wanting to adopt that would then make it legal for parent to sign away rights.) You can’t really just legally shirk your parental duties.”
“The fact that he is even considering it is a huge red flag though.” – llamamama08
One Redditor who said this was “wrong on so many levels” wondered why the OP would want to have a baby with someone who “clearly doesn’t want one.”
In response, the OP wrote:
“We had several talks over the years about children. He always gave me the impression that he wanted kids too and thats why we started trying, together.”
“I was completely caught off guard when he told me this last night.”
The OP has not updated the thread to indicate whether or not she had a discussion with him or moved on in the hopes of searching for someone with more compatible goals.