It’s easy to forget when many of us only see the fun and festive results, but hosting can be incredibly demanding and complicated.
Despite a host’s diligent efforts, however, there always seems to be that one person who wants to receive a little bit more, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Catzsis was one such person, who began to argue with his sister about sharing yet another room in her home for just his four-year-old daughter to sleep in because she wanted to.
When his sister continued to resist the idea, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t see what the big deal was.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my sister if my daughter could stay in her ‘cat room’?”
The OP and his daughters recently visited his sister for Thanksgiving.
“I (31 Male) and my daughters, Sally and Mia (4 Female and 7 Female) went to go visit my sister, Alice (27 Female), for Thanksgiving on Saturday.”
“(We used to have it at my parents’ house, but they didn’t want to do it this year.)”
The OP and his daughters admired Alice’s house.
“For context, Alice has a very large, four-bedroom house that she shares with her cat, Orpheus.”
“She turned one of the larger extra rooms (not a bedroom) into a cat room for Orpheus.”
“It’s huge, there are adorable decorations everywhere, large windows, and a very comfy couch.”
“She named Orpheus after some Greek hero, I’m not really sure what the tale was, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with music, based on the decorations.”
“She also has some more fragile decorations around, a few statues, and a glass figurine.”
The OP’s daughter was especially interested in her aunt’s cat room.
“Anyway, my parents and I came over, and she gave one room to our parents, one for me and my wife, and one for the girls.”
“At first, the girls were okay with this arrangement, since they’re both pretty small, but after seeing the cat room, Sally wanted to sleep in there.”
“I brought it up to Alice and she said that would absolutely not be happening.”
“I asked her why, and she told me that she didn’t want Sally to be alone and unsupervised with all of her fragile decorations.”
The OP was indignant.
“I think that’s ridiculous. The room is for a cat. How is my daughter more destructive than a cat?”
“Alice just said that Orpheus never went near the shelves that the figurines were placed on (the shelves are pretty low and Sally could probably reach them if she tried).”
“Now Sally won’t stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally’s parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understood ‘no.'”
“I just don’t think Alice has a particularly good reason for denying it. It’s a CAT’S room.”
“AITA for asking her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with Alice that the OP needed to work on his parenting.
“‘Now Sally won’t stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally’s parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understood ‘no.'”
“Alice NAILED it. There was nothing wrong with asking, but your refusal to accept no as an answer and sitting here whining about it and trying to manipulate Alice into changing her mind makes you the a**hole.”
“YTA. And Sally is going to end up being an a*ole like you when she’s older if you don’t teach her that no means no. If she’s having a fit over this and your way of dealing with it is trying to force your sister to cave, chances are you’re not doing a great job parenting her properly.” – Tricky-Flamingo-7491
“It’s a cat’s room in your SISTER’S house. Not yours. You don’t get to decide. Your sister probably knows her cat won’t wreck her stuff because he hasn’t in the past, which is why the decorations are even in that room and not elsewhere.”
“Your kid is inevitably going to want to play with the pretty figurines and at four years old won’t understand how to keep fragile things from breaking. Which is an excellent reason not to let the kid anywhere near them.”
“Your sister is 100% right. It is your job to parent your kid and stop her from throwing fits when she doesn’t get what she wants.”
“How is it not a red flag to you that your kid is throwing tantrums at hearing ‘no’? How is your only solution trying to force your sister into saying yes?”
“Grow up. Be a parent. YTA.” – lorelorelai
“It’s her house and you are guests so getting upset at her reasonable response was rude.”
“Little kids can be very destructive, especially 4-year-olds who throw tantrums when they hear the word ‘no’.”
“You keep saying ‘cat room’ in a way that seems to be meant to look down on your sister like ‘ugh, my sister made a room in her house for her cat like it’s a baby.'”
“But the artwork, valuable figurines… this sounds like a pretty hangout space she made for her tastes with all her valuables proudly displayed that also is her cat’s favorite place to sleep.”
“This seems to be the most important section: ‘Now Sally won’t stop making a fit about it, and when I asked Alice to just be accommodating, she told me that I was Sally’s parent, and I should be responsible for making sure she understood ‘no.'”
“Alice picked up the parenting ball you dropped and can see that you are raising Sally to be spoilt, inconsiderate, and entitled.” – Amazing_Emu54
“YTA. Your question is, ‘AITA for asking her?,’ and the answer is no, but you’re an AH for insisting, putting the onus of dealing with your kid’s butthurt fit on Alice, and not respecting her no.”
“If I count well, there are four bedrooms. One for her, one for your parents, one for you and your wife, and one for your kids. The cat does not have a bedroom. So there is no bed or anything like that in its room. Is your sister also supposed to move the furniture from the bedroom to the cat room to be more ‘accommodating’?”
“‘No’ is a full sentence. You don’t need to accept her reason as a valid answer that suits you. It’s her house, you’re the guest, and she accommodated everyone with their own rooms. You don’t even have to sleep in the same room as your kids, so you get to have some privacy.”
“Learn to take a no, and teach your kid to take a no. And learn to dial down the condescension. High chance your parents don’t want to host anymore because your wife and you are being intolerable guests when you come over.” – ChibiSailorMercury
“YTA. If your sister literally put your entire family up for the holidays for free and you’re complaining because she didn’t give you enough of her space… You sound very entitled and like you just need to parent your child.” – HumbleDot4343
Others pointed out that it was Alice’s home, not the OP’s.
“YTA. It’s not a guest room. It belongs to a permanent occupant of that house, and the owner of the house told you NO. No is a full sentence.”
“It is up to you to parent your children and to respect your sister in her own home.” – MbMinx
“It’s your sister’s house, and her cat is like her child. Either comply with her wishes or leave.”
“She’s being generous enough already and you have no right to make even more demands of her when she’s already been so accommodating. Respect her boundaries or get out.” – a_man_in_black
“You are checking off so many AH boxes, it’s wild!”
“‘I received perfectly acceptable rooming accommodations as a guest but still want to change things around.'”
“‘My little angel child would never do anything wrong!'”
“I was told no yet think I can argue and pester my way into a yes.'”
“I was given a clear answer yet feel the need to argue and the person who I want something from needs to provide me with a reason I feel is valid or else I don’t have to respect their answer.'”
“‘Demanding?! Me?! Never! I just need everyone else to ACCOMMODATE me because I am framing my wishes as needs.'”
“You ever think you’re the reason your parents don’t want to host?”
“Seriously… what are you teaching your daughters with this behavior? You need a few lessons:”
“No means no.”
“Be a gracious guest.”
“Whining won’t get you your way.”
“Now please teach your kids this, as well.” – DerNibelungenlied
“For a few reasons, let me enlighten you:”
“It’s her house and she is letting you stay as a guest.”
“She is letting you have each your room.”
“While the cat has a living space, it is not a room per se and doesn’t have a bed to sleep in.”
“She has rules and one is not to let your daughter stay in that living space without supervision due to fragile decorations.”
“You are the parent and you should do just that: parent your child.”
“While you may not agree with your sister’s decision, refer to my first point, and stop pushing the subject.”
“Do better for your daughter. If not for her, then for your future peace of mind when she becomes the entitled teenager that she is destined to become.”
“If you are unsure at any time, refer to my first point again.” – Douneksy
“You are not wrong for asking, but you should accept her response. It is her home and she has graciously provided two rooms for you and your kids to sleep in.”
“Some people don’t want visitors in their library or office. She doesn’t want your child in her cat’s room. The respectful and polite thing to do is respect this boundary.”
“Her reason for not wanting your daughter in there makes sense, but even if it didn’t, it’s her house, her choice.”
“It is doubly a good idea for your daughter not to be in the cat room, because as stubborn and unreasonable as you are, if she allowed your daughter in there and she broke something, you would not want to pay for it and would say, ‘Kids will be kids,’ or ‘You shouldn’t have breakable things in a cat’s room,’ or some other bulls**t and you would say it’s no big deal.”
“The figurines matter to the owner of the house, and she wants to be cautious. You should accept that. She is not being rude (you are), and she established sensible boundaries, which you argue to disregard.”
“It won’t harm your daughter in any way to not sleep in the cat room. It will probably do her good to learn she can’t always have her way, a lesson that you, her father, apparently never learned.” – Gladtobealive2020
While the OP couldn’t understand why his sister was being so resistant, the subReddit pointed out that she had already been an incredibly generous host. Not only did she host the holiday in her home, which meant that she probably did most of the cooking, as well, but she had already provided her family with three bedrooms to sleep in. Offering them yet another room, which didn’t even have a bed in it to sleep on, seemed a tad indulgent.
Not to mention, this was her home that he was talking about, and at the end of the day, when we enter someone else’s home, we have to understand that it’s their house, and therefore, their rules.