Trust is easily broken and difficult to repair.
The worse the betrayal, the longer it can take to reforge those bonds.
So, what happens people who did not experience the pain, decide that youv’e suffered with it for long enough?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) No-Basis7137 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit seeking outside opinions.
In a since-deleted post she asked:
“AITA For not wanting to be a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding”
OP began with a little background.
“Hi, I know the title sounds bad but here me out.”
“I (24 Female) have a sister (28F) Lexi.”
“Me and Lexi used to be really close and she was basically my best friend.”
Everything was fine, until…
“However around 7 or 8 months ago I found out my boyfriend Jonah was cheating on me with her.”
“And now they are getting married in August.”
“We hadn’t talked since then until she called me the other day asking me if I would be one of her Bridesmaids.”
“This pissed me off.”
“I told her that I didn’t want to do that and she was messed up for even asking that.”
“She said that it would mean a lot to her since I’m her only sister. She also told me that she had already bought the dress.”
“Then said I would be letting her down and wasting the money she spent on the dress.”
“I said to her that just because she bought me a dress doesn’t mean I have to be in her wedding. She started crying and telling me how I was being insensitive and holding a grudge against her.”
“I tried to tell her that I was sorry but she didn’t listen and hung up.”
“I did feel bad.”
“Yesterday I went to my parents house for dinner. What I didn’t know is that Lexi had called them and told them what I said.”
“So halfway through dinner my mom says, ‘you know Lexi and Jonah are happy together and they deserve to have the wedding they want.’ “
“I looked up at her and said, ‘what?’ She says, ‘Lexi told me what happened and you should be her bridesmaids. It’s been so long since what happened you shouldn’t care anymore and Lexi deserved to be happy’.”
“I looked at her and said, ‘She can be happy but Im not going to be in a wedding with my cheating ex-boyfriend, and watch him marry my sister.’ They looked at me like I had slapped them across the face.”
“My dad stood up and said, ‘You are selfish and you will be in that wedding or you can leave and don’t bother coming back.’ “
“I was absolutely dumbfounded.”
“I started to cry and said, ‘She took away the one thing I had for myself! And it wasn’t just her Jonah betrayed my trust and now I’m the selfish one? How could you say that.’ “
“I was so upset that I walked out of there and went home.”
“My parents haven’t spoken to me and nether has Lexi.”
“I feel like a b*tch now but I also feel like I deserve to feel angry. Im just so conflicted on what to do.”
OP was left to wonder:
“Am I wrong for saying no?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for a ruling.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Commenters shared personal stories.
“I have 5 sisters and if anyone pulled that in my family my parents would be the first to oust them from the family.”
“My 1 sister had an affair, and she was blacklisted from family events etc for years.”
“My parents attitude was that it was fine to not want to be with someone, but you break up with them you don’t cheat, because that explodes a bomb that doesn’t need exploding.” ~ olligirl
Others were more direct.
“Leave these people. They have no sense of decency or honor. Damn.” ~ Short-Ad5742
“You would be letting her down? FFS.”
“She let you down when she f<k’d your bf. NTA” ~ nerdgirl71
“OP, your parents prefer your sister. You may have suspected it before, but now you know. It really hurts and it really sucks.”
“You do not need to bury your feelings and bury your self-respect to ‘support’ two filthy, traitorous weasels on their wedding day. No reasonable or loving person would expect you to.”
“Start extracting yourself from your family.”
“They do not deserve you.”
“Your dad has told you that mortifying yourself by attending this sham of a marriage is more important than your parents having a relationship with you…”
“They’re telling you how they feel, believe them.”
“NTA and your family is horrid.” ~ The_Krudler
Some urged OP to embrace the Petty.
“Or… and hear me out. OP smiles sweetly and agrees.”
“Up until the priest asks if anyone objects.”
“OP tells everyone why she objects, then mic drops her way out of the chapel, never to see these AHs again.”
“OP, you’re obviously NTA whatever you decide to do, but you have a golden opportunity to become a legend!” ~ PerturbedHamster
“This might be petty but one solution to this scenario would be to attend the wedding and the whole time tell guests about when Lexi and your boyfriend cheated on you and muse about them getting married now.”
“That way every guest knows the whole story.”
“She will regret trying to force you to attend.”
“And obviously get ready to move out and go LC / NC with your parents.”
“I don’t know why your parents favor her but no loving parent would put their kid through this as a condition of staying with them” ~ asecretnarwhal
Commenters also broke down their judgment for all involved.
“OP’s family, to put it bluntly, are horrible.”
“I’m guessing the sister is the golden child, and sooner or later she will also bite the hands of her parents.”
“As it stands, OP’s sister is an untrustworthy, selfish, entitled, morally bankrupt cheater who lacks accountability, is manipulative, has no shame, has no empathy, and is devoid of a moral compass.”
“OP’s parents are playing favourites, using access to their affections as a weapon, have no regard for the massive betrayal of the sister and are just horrid people if this is any indication of their character and parenting.”
“OP’s ex-boyfriend/future brother in law should not be a term used when all parties are alive.”
“He is an AH for obvious reasons.”
“OP – stand your ground. You have been wronged by all involved. Not your sister.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
“Lexi is a massive asshole.”
“I wish you’d told her she didn’t have a sister anymore the moment she started fucking your bf.”
“Your parents are applying all this pressure to either get you to accept it and ‘have family together’ or for appearance’s sake to family friends.”
“Please know that you deserve MUCH better from your ‘family’. Your instincts are correct that the whole situation is outrageous.”
“This is a life-defining moment.”
“You should permanently cut away your sister and it seems your parents too as they’re siding with her. Better to cut away people who don’t care about your well-being.”
“Best of luck!” ~ TwoCentsPsychologist
There were also suggestions for OP to do some self-care on that day.
“NTA NTA NTA.”
“I’ve got a lot of colorful things I could say about your sister and her future ex-husband, but I’ll save that for painting day.”
“The day they get married, go out with your best friends, have a good dinner, and toast to your future happiness because you are now completely free of a cheating a**hole and disloyal and malicious sister.”
“He’s her problem now, not yours.”
“You are now able to find someone who will see the value in you and cherish it, while giving up reason to be thankful that you found out the truth about Jonah and Lexi before he became your future ex-husband.” ~ KimChiDiva
Though, some commenters were just in disbelief.
“This sounds like a troll post.”
“It’s impossible for anyone to be so indifferent after such a betrayal.”
“The post shows that the OP hasn’t blocked her sister yet, she talks to her about the wedding when she should have declined her phone call and blocked her immediately.”
“Her sister had guts to call her and demand her to be her bridesmaid?”
“Not even apology before asking.”
“I mean who does that? unless she had amnesia what she has done or is somehow mentally challenged.”
“Op apologizes to her sister and feels sorry for her?? Wtf?”
“She goes to her parents’ house and lets them try to convince her to change her mind.”
“Instead, she should have gotten up and announced she was leaving because they were talking about ‘her sister’ when she had already told them and warned them that she didn’t want to hear or know anything about her and him.”
“Parents act like robots without any feelings, they even tell her threats” ~ Alternative-Mark-834
Betrayal can take years to heal if it heals at all.
The wound can’t be closed prematurely and rushing it does nothing but cause pain.
Be careful to avoid anyone who feels that they understand your healing better than you do.