Redditor UsedandAbused93 is a 28-year-old female who is preparing to euthanize her dog after it had been suffering from a terminal illness.
She was given the dog, who is referred to as “F,” three years ago by its former owner who was unable to properly take care of the animal himself.
As she made arrangements to part with her beloved pet, her impending grief was further complicated by the former owner’s unexpected demand.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for not wanting to share my dog’s ashes with his previous owner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have a dog, we will call him ‘F,’ that will be coming to the end of his life soon. His body is covered in tumors and he is in a lot of pain.”
“I received my dog from my best friend’s husband (40 Male) 3 years ago. We will call him ‘N’ N was very close to the dog, but due to his work schedule, he could not care for him the way that he deserved.”
“So he made the decision to re-home him.”
“I have known N since F was 2 years old, and he is now almost 10. F and my best friend knew that I adored F, and so I was the obvious person to take him.”
“In the last three years, I have been through a lot, and F has always been by my side. He is my best friend.”
“Since I have had F, N has been away for work quite a bit, but even when he is home, he has not asked to see F at all.”
“He has not offered financial assistance with his care, or offered such with his End of Life care.
“F will be euthanized soon, and I am not holding back. He will have a private cremation to guarantee that I receive his ashes, a very nice urn that is inscribed with his name, and other keepsakes. Totaling about $600.”
“N is (quite demanding-ly) requesting that I give him half of F’s ashes, but not offering to help with any of this.”
“AITA for saying no?”
“For further context, I have offered N a small keepsake urn with ashes, but he is demanding half of the ashes.”
“N has not called, texted, or emailed to even ASK about F. When I informed N of F’s condition his response was ‘That sucks, do what you have to do.’”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation.
“This is a bit of a roller coaster.”
‘He has not offered financial assistance with his care, or offered such with his End of Life care.’
“This isn’t Ned’s obligation in anyway (sorry, the initials thing drives me nuts. They’re Ned and Fido now). He gave up his dog, which means he gave up his financial responsibility for him. It would be nice if he had offered, but in no way should this be an expectation.”
‘N is (quite demanding-ly) requesting that I give him half of F’s ashes, but not offering to help with any of this.’
“By that same token, Ned gave Fido up. As much as I’m sure he loved Fido, he has no right to demand anything. He released Fido to a new home/owner. He wasn’t paying for doggy hospice care.”
“NTA. I get that Ned is probably very sad, but you were not Fido’s babysitter, you were his owner. You decide how he’s laid to rest. I think your offer of a keepsake urn is very generous and kind.”
“I would just let that be the final word ‘At the end of his life, Fido was my dog. I understand that he was important to you, so I’m happy to give you a keepsake urn with some of his ashes. You can take it or leave it. If you keep trying to argue the point, I’ll assume that means you don’t want the keepsake, and I’ll keep all of Fido with me.'” – BroadElderberry
“NTA, if he didn’t even visit the dog in the 3 years you’ve had him, that means it’s your dog only. Just because he suddenly has feelings of guilt because he wasn’t there and wants to take ‘responsibility’ for the dog, it doesn’t give him the right to.”
“It’s your dog and you decide.” – 666y4nn1ck
“NTA. That is YOUR dog. When the dog was re-homed into YOUR care, it became your dog.”
“Your friend gave them up, end of discussion. Keep the ashes for yourself and make it known they did not own the dog anymore.” – sevensol7
“NTA. Dude gave up that dog and never visited when he was ill, and then has the nerve to demand his ashes. No, you are definitely not the AH here.” –Â KittySnowpants
“NTA the keepsake urn you offered was very thoughtful of you, it’s always nice when people who have taken a dog in think of the previous owner if the owner gave them up for health reason etc putting the dog first but him not being interested at all negates that.”
“You did the right thing.” – Psychological-Pie938
“NTA. If he actually had been asking about the dog, visiting, etc. I’d say you were out of line to deny him but the fact is he hasn’t been willing to help with the cost (even of the cremation) but demands half of the dog’s ashes?”
“If he loved this dog he should have shown it or at least given you half the money.” – The-Moocat
“NTA. Tell him you decided not to keep his ashes if he asks again. Tell him that it was too painful to keep them or some other BS.”
“It’s funny that when you explained his condition it was ‘that sucks. do what you have to do’, but when he finds out you’re keeping his ashes, he suddenly expresses interest – like he actually cares. What a jerk.”
“Add: You could always sweep out your grill or fireplace, put the ashes in a container & give them to him.” – First_Bumblebee_179
Overall, Redditors continued offering the OP sympathy as she spends her final moments with F.
Redditors also thought that because the OP covered all of the dog’s expenses, she did not owe the former dog owner any portion of F’s ashes.