In theory all holidays are a fun time to spend with family. In practice however, there is always a lot of pressure and it tends to be the perfect setting for good old fashion family drama.
Redditor yein39xhbeo encountered this very issue with her sister-in-law. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to cook a vegan dish to bring to my in laws Thanksgiving dinner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“29F. To cut to the chase, we have thanksgiving at my SILs house every year and have been doing so for at least 6 years.”
“Every single year each family member brings a dish and it’s more of a pot luck thanksgiving than anything else.”
“My SIL hardly lifts a finger to prepare any of the meal but fully expects all left overs to be put in her fridge so she, her husband, her daughter and her step daughter can have left overs for the next week to two weeks.”
“I truly don’t care about this because I’m not a huge leftovers fan anyways but just wanted to give some insight on how lazy she is.”
“She usually only prepares a green bean casserole and buys store made pies. The rest is up to the entire family to come up with or prepare.”
“But she insists on it being at her place because she doesn’t want to go anywhere.”
OP further explained the problem.
“ANYWAYS, she has never assigned anyone a dish prior to this year.”
“This year she decided that she was going to dictate what people brought because she wanted certain foods for leftovers to meal prep for her kids for the week.”
“Her step daughter went vegan about a month ago and she decided to assign me a vegan casserole, with a text that included ‘It will probably cost around $45 to $50 for the food needed but it’s just for Gabs, no one else can touch it. She made that clear.'”
“Not only am I not willing to slap down that much money on a dish that is specifically for only her step child because I truly do not have that kind of money right now but I’m also not even the slightest bit educated on how to make a vegan meal.”
“I don’t know anything about what being vegan even means.”
“So I told her no.”
OP told her to do it herself.
“That she could prepare her step daughters vegan meal and that I would bring something else that is less expensive, that takes less time to prep and cook.”
“I told her I don’t have $50 to put down on a dish that I cant even touch. She is arguing that she doesn’t have that kind of money either and that she has so much cleaning to do that she won’t have time and I told her that’s far from my problem.”
“She stopped texting and I didn’t give it much more thought until last night when my MIL called my husband asking why I was causing problems this close to holiday.”
“I showed my husband the texts while he was on the phone with her and he 100% has my back and told his mother that his sister was being entitled and demanding per usual and that we would not be going if she wants to continue running her mouth and causing unnecessary drama.”
“Now we are being called insensitive AH’s because we are ‘more better off financially’ so apparently we should be the ones to foot the cost. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. It’s not your responsibility to feed her stepchild. That’s ridiculous and it’s even more ridiculous that your MIL agrees with her. Maybe a nice quiet Thanksgiving at home with just you and your husband is in order.” ~ cfghjiuyfddssfgg
“You know what’s ever better? A nice little thanksgiving for two at a lovely restaurant.” ~ TigerBelmont
“My wife and I have done this for years. A Thanksgiving day lunch at different restaurants each time. No clean up, you get what you want without hassle, and you also get to make your server happy with a good tip for working Thanksgiving.” ~ My_Soda_Is_Flat
“Just chiming in…my SO and I started doing Thanksgiving with just us about 6 years ago. BEST DECISION EVER and hands down my favorite time. We make our fav holiday dishes, eat whatever time we decide, and hang out all day. It’s the best…will be salty if it changes anytime soon.” ~ MhysaofFerrets
“As a vegetarian, I fend for myself. If I go to a potluck I bring things I can eat. It’s a bonus if someone else decides to make something that is also vegetarian but I don’t expect it or demand it. It’s my choice to be vegetarian so it’s my responsibility to make sure I bring food I can eat.”
“If SD is old enough to choose to be vegan why can’t she cook? I went vegetarian at 12 and started cooking at the same age because I was the only vegetarian in the family. Plus cooking is just a super important life skill.” ~ alana_r_dray
“NTA – but I am curious about this casserole recipe because I do vegan bakes and casseroles often and have never come close to $40 or 50, even on holidays.” ~ puffalump212
OP even shared the recipe.
“I’m honestly not even sure what it is called. She sent me a list of ingredients and that was it. No name for the recipe or anything. But the ingredients she sent me was easily a list like 20 items long.” ~ yein39xhbeo
“If it’s not too terrible can you please share some of the info with us… I’m sorry I am just baffled by this. The idea of spending $50 to feed one child? You guys could go out to a restaurant for their thanksgiving special at that point. And maybe you should!” ~ Raccoonsr29
“Edible flowers, Balsamic vinegar, Himalayan salt, 2 eggplant, 4 avocado, 2 lbs scallops, Pureed white peas, Roasted garbanzos, Dill pesto, Wheat penne, Harissa Carrotts, And then spices.” ~ yein39xhbeo
“Dude, that’s not even vegan – scallops are shellfish.” ~ Amberwind2001
“Goes to show that even she doesn’t know what she’s talking about then.” ~ yein39xhbeo
OP should just cook whatever she wants.