We all need time to relax.
Vacations are a vital part of work/life balance regardless of how old you are or how many responsibilities you have.
What happens, though, when the vacation you signed up for turns out to not be what you’d had in mind?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Historical-Party4722 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“WIBTA if I cancelled my vacation ticket because my family wants me to share a room with my nieces?”
OP got right to the situation at hand.
“I (Female 23) have been planning a family vacation with my older brother (Male, 30) and his wife, my two nieces (F4 and F2), and my parents.”
“Everyone is paying for their own tickets.”
“The vacation is booked for February.”
“We hadn’t discussed room arrangements before, but I knew the room we’d be staying in would have three bedrooms.”
Everything was fine, until…
“So we discussed room arrangements yesterday, and my brother and parents just kind of assumed that I wouldn’t mind sharing a room with my nieces, whilst my brother and his wife and my parents get their own rooms.”
“I said I didn’t want to share a room with them and said that they should be sleeping in my brother and SIL’s room since they’re their parents.”
“My parents called me dramatic and said that it’s not a big deal, and said that my nieces won’t give me any trouble.”
“I told them I don’t care. They said I’m being a bad aunt and told me to grow up.”
“I told them if I don’t get my own room I’ll cancel my ticket, which would result in everyone else having to pay more or find someone else to go in my place because we got a group discount with the resort.”
“My brother said I’m a whiny a**hole and accused me of being a narcissist.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some wondered how the parents came to this conclusion.
“‘They said I’m being a bad aunt and told me to grow up'”
“Can you tell THOSE KID’S PARENTS that they are bad parents and to grow up?!”
“I get that they probably want to have sex while on vacation but geez…”
“They made the choice to have kids. They made the choice to bring them along. How are the consequences of all those choices should fall on you ?!” ~ MaybeAWalrus
“Lmaoooo why the f**k would they think you ‘wouldn’t mind’ sharing your vacation room with a 4-year-old and literal toddler?”
“Bro wanted free childcare and if your parents have a problem with you declining their door is wide f*cking open.” ~ Abrassive_Sound
For some, this was a matter of practicality.
“I wouldn’t either, but who is paying?”
“There are 7 people and 3 rooms.”
“If they are paying for 4 people and OP is only paying for 1, then it seems reasonable to me that she would need to share a room.”
“Conversely, if she is paying 1/3 of the accommodation cost, then she should get the room to herself.” ~ Never-On-Reddit
Others pointed out that there are four other adults going on this trip.
“If it’s not a big deal to your parents, then they can share their room with their granddaughters.”
“You’re paying your own way and should have complete control over your own room on vacation.”
“No one wants to pay for a vacation where they end up being the free babysitter the whole time.”
“But don’t be surprised if they tell you ok just to keep you from canceling and then blindside you once you’re on vacation.”
“NTA” ~ Key-Bit1208
“‘If it’s not a big deal to your parents, then they can share their room with their granddaughters.'”
“Yeah OP, any argument that tries to minimize the amount of care they would need or disruption they would cause to a peaceful night is actually an argument for why it would be no problem for the kids to stay with their parents or grandparents.”
“And both of those options would be pairing the kids with experienced parents who surely would have even less trouble.”
“It’s obviously them wanting you to babysit and give them a break for free.”
“With them trying to push it on you as the youngest in the family hoping that you will succumb to pressure and forget that as you are no longer a minor you don’t have to accept such unreasonableness being pushed on you anymore.”
“NTA” ~ jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
“If it’s no big deal to share a room with them, then surely their parents or grandparents should be doing it instead of you.”
“My brother and sister-in-law don’t have kids, but I’d never try to make my kids share a room with them for a vacation. We actually usually give them the room farthest away from the kids lol.”
“Your brother and sister-in-law are the ones being selfish.” ~ Crispix44
Commenters felt that this wouldn’t be limited to sleeping times.
“I’m worried that the brother and SIL will ditch the kids with OP at every chance they get.”
“Then OP’s parents will tell her that bro and SIL need adult time and she needs to be a good auntie while they don’t pitch in.” ~ BumkneeTrixie
“Your nieces are 4 and 2.”
“They should sleep in the room with their parents because of their age. If they were teens, I can understand giving them their own room.”
“I think your brother and SIL just want a free babysitter.”
“I hate when people with kids want to go on vacation, bring their kids, and dump them on someone else.”
“This is your vacation and you don’t have kids.” ~ luvduvbunny
“Yep, she should just cut her losses now.”
“It’s clear that her family expects her to be the designated babysitter because she’s single.”
“The entire vacation will most likely be them dumping her nieces on her while her parents and brother and his wife enjoy themselves kid-free.”
“She’s going to be spending money on a vacation just to end up working as a free nanny.”
“She should just wait a little while and then make up an excuse like changes at work for why she can no longer go.”
“There isn’t any reason to address the real issue since it’s clear her family doesn’t see it as valid so using a white lie is best.”
“She should also remember this going forward and never agree to go on a vacation that includes her brother UNLESS it’s childless.” ~ DID_IT_FOR_YOU
Commenters shared personal stories.
“My wife and I are soft-planning a Disney World run when our daughter is a little older and can do more things.”
“My (currently single) brother said he’d love to go to Disney again and half-joked that he’d babysit if we let him go with us and stay.”
“Enter our proposed arrangement:”
“When we go, we pay his room and board, he only needs his tickets to the park and a plane ticket if we fly. We’ll split dinners out (or I’ll probably just pay most or all of them, what’s another plate when you’ve committed to Disney money?).”
“He just watches our kid one or two evenings so my wife and I can sneak in a date night.”
“I’m keeping up with my kid at the parks although we might round-robin some rides if somebody needs to stay with the kid.”
“Point is you have to discuss it beforehand, make it worth their while, and make sure they’re actually okay with it.” ~ Sylvurphlame
“Oh my god, I hate it when people say sh*t like “it’s not that big of a deal!’ but then won’t do what it is they’re saying isn’t a big deal!”
“Like, this is a bit off-topic, but I used to be a server, and I had these specific kinds of pens I liked to use and I really didn’t like using any other kind.”
“I know to some that probably seems a bit odd, but I was super particular and only liked using Pilot G2 Gel Pens.”
“They were more expensive than the average pen and I had this one coworker who always stole my f*cking pens, plus that a**hole would shove my pens to the bottom of his apron pocket so I couldn’t see them clipped onto his pocket… “
“I’d be like “Zach, can I please have my pens back?” and he’d always say something along the lines of “Dude, it’s not that big of a deal, you can just buy more pens,'”
“And I’d be like ‘If it’s not that big of a deal then you buy more f*cking pens and quit taking mine!”’ ~ paint_that_shit-gold
Vacations are vital for mental health.
We all need to put down our responsibilities sometimes and just melt into a lawn chair or a sandy beach or a couch.
Of course, the vacation really doesn’t do you any good if you spend the entire time carrying someone else’s responsibilities.