What does one where to a themed wedding?
It’s difficult enough finding the perfect ensemble for a regular wedding.
When you through a theme or a costume on top of it, things can get a bit messy.
Everyone wants to look their best.
But what if it all just doesn’t gel until arrivals?
Case in point…
Redditor No-PatienceThrowAway wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for dressing up as the grim reaper at my brother’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (20 F[emale]) and my family have a twisted sense of humor.”
“Think, my uncle asking us to put skeleton hands sticking out of his grave before he died, and when he did die, we did so.”
“My brother and sister in law got married a month ago and had a costume party for their reception.”
“They were going to get married on Halloween, but moved it up when other events came up.”
“They still wanted costumes though.”
“I thought dressing up like the grim reaper would be hilarious because of ’til death do us part.'”
“I ran the idea past my brother and he approved.”
“Then comes the day of the reception.”
“Bride totally flips out at my costume and my brother, who approved it, stood behind her.”
“They made me go home and change.”
“Ended up with a polo shirt, slacks, and a clipboard with business carda and said I was a door to door salesman.”
“This situation came up again today when my brother confronted me.”
“Apparently S[ister] I[n] L[aw] had a breakdown because my grim reaper costume showed up in some of the pictures the photographer took of the reception and she hated it.”
“She’s demanding I pay her a portion of the money she invested in the photographer since she now can’t use many of the pictures.”
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Your brother is the actual AH here; he approved of your costume and either lied about it to his wife or didn’t tell her at all.”
“NTA because he wronged both you and SIL and owes you both an apology.” ~ Heavy_Sand5228
“Why would he need to tell her about it?”
“At a Halloween themed wedding I do not think the grim reaper really is an idea that even needs to be vetted with the couple.”
“OP still did so with his brother out of courtesy.”
“But since the costume was perfectly within the theme I can easily see why he did not bother to check with his partner.”
“At a general costume wedding, sure, then it should be checked but at a Halloween themed one…” ~ progrethth
“But was it a Halloween themed wedding?”
“It was originally on Halloween but on the newer date it was ‘just’ costumes.”
“No mention of Halloween themed at the actual wedding.”
“Considering OP came pack as sales man that doesn’t sound like Halloween either but just costume.” ~ Ascentori
“Unless you specify a theme (like a Regency theme or something) and you’re having a costume wedding.”
“It seems like you don’t have much leg to stand on when people show up in different types of costumes.”
“The point of a dress code is so that the guests have an easier time figuring out what’s appropriate to wear and don’t have to stress about guessing.”
“If your dress code is just ‘costume party,’ you don’t get to be upset when people come in costumes.”
“And to add insult to injury, OP still did run it by her brother.”
“The brother approved, and he should have either run this by his bride at the time, or at least backed up OP when she was mad about it, and explained that it was his fault.” ~ AliceInWeirdoland
“I get this but then wife was upset and he played the ‘OMG YEAH OP HOW COULD YOU DO THIS’ card as if he hadn’t personally freaking approved his brother’s costume.”
“Then he gasses up his wife to be ad at OP and go after him for the pictures he ‘ruined.'”
“Brother is doing all of this while knowing the only reason brother came to the wedding in that costume was him and his approval.”
“So he’s manipulating his wife right now, making her think it was all OP when in reality HE ruined their photos and upset his own wife.” ~ IcyAdvantage1768
“NTA. It’s a costume party originally meant to be on Halloween.”
“The Grim Reaper was kind of a given.”
“She should have clarified what costumes she preferred if she was going to have issues.”
“You need to make it clear your brother approved, he’s trying to backtrack.” ~ Jlpippen
“NTA. Tell her to take it up with her husband, who fully approved your costume prior to the wedding.”
“If he doesn’t grow a spine soon, there’s no hope for him and you’ll probably end up going no contact.” ~ LoveBeach8
“NTA. Your SIL is an idiot.”
“If there were unacceptable costume choices, that should have been made clear up front.”
“Don’t give her a cent.”
“There is nothing wrong with the pictures.”
“There IS something wrong with her brain.” ~ joefitts63
“NTA, you ran it by your brother and HE should’ve ran it by his fiancé if he wasn’t 100% sure.”
“If they didn’t want any and all costumes they should’ve had a dress code on it.”
“There’s a large number of offensive costumes and this is a basic Halloween one (not culturally offensive or sexual).” ~ Furmaids
“NTA if this is the kind of humor your family has, your brother should have also warned his wife about it.”
“If Y T A your brother is just as much for approving it.” ~ Natures_Pocket_42069
“How did SIL not know about her husband’s sense of humor before marrying him, though?”
“She definitely should have thought to mention specific parameters, knowing how (delightfully twisted) he and his family are… within seconds of announcing the costume thing.”
“This is really on her.”
“If someone had just… shown up in grim reaper garb at my wedding, and there were pictures.”
“I’d have them framed and all over my house.”
“OP, you’re absolutely NTA.”
“And don’t even think about forking over a single penny – even the grimy one fished out of the tray at the gas station.” ~ vorticia
“NTA. Your brother approved to costume without talking to his fiancé obviously.”
“And then when she had an issue with it instead of having a spine and saying ‘hey my bad I approved it’ he threw you under the bus.”
“He’s the a**hole here (and honestly your SIL sounds like an absolute PEACH too).” ~ WholeBeeMovieScript
“NTA I don’t quite understand why people are even suggesting that you are TA.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You asked your brother who was getting married.”
“Yes I agree that he should have brought it up to his wife but that was his job to communicate with her.” ~ Angelinasmashington
“I came in here ready to call you the AH, but from the story NTA.”
“Everyone I know who’s gone the Halloween wedding route wouldn’t have batted an eye at your costume.”
“And you likely would have ended up being asked to join a few photos.” ~ goffstock
“NTA, yes he gave permission and didn’t check with his fiancé.”
“Plus she did not set out any guidelines on the costumes, which can be a shit show sometimes.”
“That’s on both of them.”
“She could be trying to get some money back on what she is regretting about spending too much money on.”
“This isn’t about the costume, there has to be more to it.” ~ LostFloriddin
“Then I’ll say NTA.”
“It’s assumed when you ask one half of a married couple (or soon to be) that questions like this are discussed between the two before an answer is given.”
“Your brother threw you under the bus to not upset his wife.”
“But at the same time it was their wedding day so he probably didn’t want to get in a fight that day.”
“He should have at least talked to her the next day or something and came clean.” ~ SonataSprings
“NTA. You asked, you were told yes.”
“The was no indication it would be a problem.”
“Your brother was an AH.”
“No ‘Sorry honey, I thought it would be ok,’ instead ‘What were you thinking bro?!'”
“He sounds pathetic actually.”
“Also the wife probably should have specified the costumes she’s not cool with.”
“Did she expect every guest to read her mind?”
“I wouldn’t pay for the photographs because I don’t think you did anything wrong!” ~ 123throwaway56789fe
“NTA, and the till death do us part is bloody hilarious.” ~ Glitch_II
OP… Reddit is here for choice of ensemble.
You had approval.
Sounds like your brother needs to step up and open his wallet for these photos.
Hopefully one day soon this will all just be a funny memory.
Good luck to the newly marrieds…