It’s no secret that many households are imbalanced in regards to the distribution of responsibilities.
Parenting and hosting parties are no exception, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor aychpz was taken aback when her husband’s mutual friends showed up for a gaming night, only for them to leave their children and dogs with her to babysit while they gamed solely with her husband.
When her husband scolded her for being selfish, the Original Post (OP) wondered if she was wrong to bring up her concerns about this to him.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my husband I was tired of babysitting?”
The OP was looking forward to friends visiting.
“This weekend, my (34 female) husband (38 male) last-minute invited two of his friends (both males, late 30s) over to hang out.”
“I always enjoy hanging out with these friends. They usually bring their partners but this time did not.”
“They did each bring their kids and one of them brought their 3 dogs.”
“My kids enjoy playing with their kids so it was all good.”
The OP was surprised by how the visit actually went.
“Approximately 10 minutes after everyone arrived at our house, the men went upstairs to play PlayStation, leaving me responsible for supervising and caring for 5 children (ages 10, 10, 7, 7, and 5) and 3 dogs.”
“This went on for 5+ hours. Two of the kids are mine.”
“This was not discussed beforehand and if I had not been here, they would not have left the kids downstairs or outside unsupervised.”
“The kids were mostly well-behaved and only broke a few things and got in a few fights.”
When her husband appeared, they had a disagreement.
“After about 4 hours, my husband came downstairs and asked me how it was going.”
“I told him I was tired of babysitting and that is not how I thought our hang-out day would go.”
“He got very upset. He said he never invites friends over to do this (which is true, they have never gone upstairs to play video games for hours while I watch their kids).”
“He said he felt like I was only thinking of myself.”
“Now I feel like an a**hole, and I feel like I should have just let him have his fun afternoon/evening with his friends.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t agree with the men’s behavior during the gaming party.
“NTA Your husband’s friends didn’t need to bring their dogs and children to play video games. The dogs and children could have been left at their respective homes.” – Shaggymaggie
“OP THIS IS YOUR SIGN – Your husband executed Ninja Master level gaslighting on you.”
“It’s YOUR fault his chosen experience was sullied by your audacity to want to be asked first before being voluntold (volunteering to do something without first consenting).”
“Make no mistake, every single one of his friends knows it, too.”
“He facilitated a whole crowd management system for their benefit: you.” – No_Appointment_7232
“Things might have been different if OP’s husband ASKED her to give up her day to babysit other people’s children.”
“I would have told the guys they were now on child-duty and left after the first hour.” – crystallz2000
“So everyone, including the friends’ partners, got a break from kids and dogs EXCEPT OP. To make it worse, her husband didn’t even give her a heads-up or ask, just dumped it on her.” – SilverSorceress
“NTA for the OP. No kidding if she has the wives’ numbers, I’d call them to pick them up.”
“5 hours, I mean, least come down for 30 minutes so you can go pee, like WTF (what the f**k).”
“I would have told the kids to go see their dads play the Playstation.” – RoyalSignificance504
“If he did need you to babysit their kids so they could visit on a rare and special occasion, they all have mouths!! They can ASK!”
“‘Our friends are only able to come by if they can bring kids and dogs because their partners have alternative plans already. Can you keep an eye on all the kids while we hang out?'”
“Recognizing it’s an imposition and asking as a favor makes a big difference IMO (in my opinion).” – Errvalunia
“It’s more a problem of the assumption that they could bring them and not watch them without anyone actually telling the woman who would end up watching them.”
“I had plenty of times when I watched a passel of kids while my husband and his friends did something, but we always talked about it beforehand.” – melodypowers
Others didn’t think their wives would have agreed with what they did, either.
“I bet those wives thought their husbands were having a daddies and kids day.”
“I doubt they’d be pleased to find out hubby foisted them off to OP.” – DropsOfLiquid
“If I found out my 7-year-old got dumped on his buddy’s wife while he played Playstation for 4 hours, I’d be p**sed.”
“What the h**l is wrong with men. If the tables were reversed, they would get it QUICK!” – SIPnSMIRK
“Wouldn’t it be easier to call the wives of his friends so they know what happened? That way this will never happen again.”
“Those guys will have to provide receipts from approved locations for dad and kid time. And they’ll probably get punished.” – ParkingOutside6500
“I bet the friends’ wives wouldn’t have agreed to let them go because the friends always dump the responsibility onto them. So the guys decided to dump all their responsibilities onto OP.” – altergeeko
“NTA. I’m betting husbands had the kids because it was their turn to spend time with the kids as wives had other stuff to do.”
“So husbands sluffed off their ‘children’s time’ onto unsuspecting OP. The dogs? Have no idea…who brings their dogs over to someone’s house to just ‘hang out’ doing PlayStation?”
“OP, your husband knew or should have known the kids and dogs were coming over, and even if they were surprise extras, your husband should have taken responsibility in some way.”
“He guilted you (have I ever done this before?) because he knew he and his pals entrapped you and dumped the poor kids and dogs on you for 5 hours.”
“Don’t let him guilt you, and make sure the wives or exes of the pals know what their kids did over the weekend.” – sailingisgreat
“They’re ALL selfish and owe her hella more than just an apology.”
“Sitters get $10 per hour (or more) Per Kid, and dog sitters the same rates. By my calculations, that’s a minimum of $50 per hour for 5.5 hours. $275 (or more).”
“Sounds like a nice day at the spa is in order.”
“OP I would contact those wives/girlfriends and find out WHY they thought it was cool to dump their kids and pets off on you without even a thanks.”
“Throw those jerks under the bus.” – Ok-Birthday370
A few suggested cutting this off before it became a bigger problem.
“It also seems from hubby’s gaslighting that this might be something they want to make a regular thing. The unbelievable nerve to do what they did is beyond rude.” – Acrobatic-Initial-40
“The next time they come over, have plans ready, OP! Maybe ones where you can take your kids but not other kids or dogs. Then let the men either handle their own kids or go home.”
“And for sure make sure hubby gives you equal kid-free time as he gets so he should give you Sunday off so you can meet with your friends or do what you like without kids.”
“He should never expect you to care for your kids last-minute while he hangs out with friends, and absolutely not others kids. That needs to be planned ahead of time, and child care needs to be distributed evenly.”
“Honestly, your husband sounds oblivious and selfish.” – asecretnarwhal
“All your girlfriends should drop their kids AND dogs off for your hubby to watch for 5+ hours. But don’t tell him ahead of time. See how he reacts.” – Inside_Cupcake_8862
“Oh h*lllllllllll nooooooo!!! NTA!!! The old ‘I never do this…’ what’s that?! Dumped his friends’ kids on you and had a day with his mates? Why is his fun at your expense?!#
#It doesn’t work like that and he shouldn’t be rewarded for never doing it. He should never do it period.”
“Can’t imagine this would fly if you and your girlfriends did this to him… but for s**ts and giggles, why not try it and see how he likes it?!” – Gibdog83
“NTA. No one asked you if you would take on this work while they played. You were given work to do while the other adults played and you’re somehow the a**hole because you were tired of the extra work you were surprised with when you thought you’d be playing, too.”
“Quit calling it babysitting. Call it work.” – mufflewrites
While the OP felt conflicted because of what her husband accused her of, the subReddit insisted her feelings were more than valid. There isn’t one possible scenario where the husband and his friends shouldn’t have talked to the OP about this first, not only to make sure that she was okay with it, but to ensure that it was even feasible for her to watch so many dependents safely.