The truth can sting.
People always say tell the truth.
But maybe there are better options.
Or maybe the truth is the only way for growth.
Case in point…
Redditor Elephantrainbowtue wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my autistic brother the truth when he asked me why women don’t like him?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ve got a younger brother (24) with Aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks.”
“Recently I’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents.”
“My brother still lives with them.”
“I find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him.”
“He even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour.”
“I know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering.”
“For one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family.”
“My mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical.”
“This has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people.”
“So I know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters.”
“He tends to say very hurtful things first and when we gets upset, he will then say things like you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, I’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.'”
“This is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely INSANE.”
“Anyways when he asked me I basically said, ‘listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.'”
“I told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong.”
“This struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that I attacked him over things he can’t control.”
“Now I’m in hot water for ‘ruining his confidence’ and I feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time.”
“This was the first time in my life I told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset.”
“But maybe I was too harsh?”
“AITA for telling him what I said?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He asked and you gave a reasonable answer.”
“It doesn’t even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh.”
“Also, it’s kinda hilarious that he calls women irrational, but he loses it after being told the truth.”
“I’d stop coddling him.”
“His autism doesn’t give him a free pass to be a jerk.” ~ CitizenSquidbot
“It’s a combination of his autism and how his parents coddled him that made him tattle when ‘he was attacked.'”
“They did exactly what he expected them to, they made it not his fault and blamed the sister.”
“The sad truth is his autism might make it impossible for him to unlearn this now.”
“But he will never get the chance if they don’t start letting him take responsibility.” ~ elorex47
“I was thinking the same thing, like if you think women are so terrible and irrational why would you want to be with one?”
“And he thinks they’re the irrational ones, but he goes crying to mommy and daddy when his sister points this s**t out?”
“He’s taking advantage of them.”
“He’s realized he’ll always get his way and that everyone else will always be made out to be the bad guy because he’s the one that’s considered disabled.”
“The reason I initially was going to think YTA was because of the title and I thought you were going to straight up say ‘they don’t like you because you have Asperger’s.'” ~ _shellybean
“Honestly, some people on the spectrum need to hear this sort of stuff, it can be frustrating not understanding why you aren’t having success with dating.”
“Source- have high functioning autism.”
“Good for OP for being straightforward about it, even if it might’ve upset him, sounds like he needed it.” ~ thatguywithatoaster
“NTA. This whole situation is kind of heart breaking because his parents are definitely sheltering him from the real world and rather than teach him coping mechanism.”
“THey just put a big band-aid over everything.”
“That band-aid is going to get ripped off in the future and it’s going to hurt.”
“I want to call her brother an a**hole but when you’re on the spectrum, they really do have a hard time sympathizing with people and rely on what they’ve been taught.”
“Of course if he’s been taught that he’s the best he’s going to believe it.”
“The real a**holes are the parents.” ~ imsohungrydude
“I have a son in the spectrum.”
“He’s been in therapy for years and we actively work with him on how to appropriately handle his emotions and how he can sometimes sound like an a**hole without meaning to.”
“It’s an ongoing process.”
“Meanwhile, we have friends with a son on the spectrum, they’ve said he doesn’t need therapy and let him say and do as he pleases.”
“As a result, he has few friends and even his sister doesn’t like to be around him.”
“They don’t realize that they are actually hurting him by not teaching him how to interact and constructively deal with his emotions.”
“Life comes with a social aspect to it.”
“Parents who don’t help their children with that aspect are doing them a disservice.” ~ princisleah01
“This is something that I think people are afraid to say because it can come across wrong or easily be taken the wrong way but your last sentence is spot on.”
“Our son is on the spectrum but is very high functioning, you wouldn’t know honestly until he told you now, but growing up it was much more apparent.”
“Autism is not a free pass for being an a**hole, sexist, racist…”
“It’s a scale obviously and everyone is different but raising a child that is not neurotypical doesn’t mean making excuses for behavior that is rude when they absolutely can control them.”
“I understand OP’s parents desire to over compensate, it would be super easy to say things like ‘You’re so special and so much more smart!!'”
“To offset the harsher behavior that others, especially young kids who tend to bully or ostracize, but over correcting can make a monster.”
“OP is NTA here.” ~ resting-witchface
“NTA. It’s not hilarious it’s a defence mechanism for his own low self esteem and feelings of worthlessness.”
“It’s a majorly f’ed up situation to be in.”
“OP – Your entire family needs support in this area as he needs therapy and you all need an education on how best to support him.” ~ damwookie
“NTA. If you don’t tell him, some other woman will.”
“I think it’s better coming from someone that actually knows him or else he could just write it off as an ‘illogical’ response from some angry woman.”
“Could it have been done more tactfully? Maybe.”
“But I think your brother is dangerously at risk of being an incel if you aren’t straight with him.” ~ MoreTumbleweed
“NTA. Your parents have raised him to be a sexist narcissist and now he can’t find anyone to put up with him.”
“You are actually showing him more love telling him the truth so he can change than your parents do sheltering and lying to him.” ~ littlepunkbree
“NTA- It’s not confidence that he has, it’s a mislead false hope instilled by his parents who don’t want to admit to him that real life might be harder for him.”
“They have the best, loving intentions BUT they’re creating something that will hurt him more than the truth will in the long run.” ~ WonderfulAtmosphere
“Definitely NTA.”
“Sounds to me like he’s one of those socially awkward neckbeards who call women females and refuse to take them seriously because he legitimately thinks he’s more intelligent.”
“Now, I can understand some of that.”
“Despite being female myself I had a long time when I felt like in general women were illogical and overly emotional.”
“I never believed all women were like that, just that it was a trait more common in us than men.”
“I also was incredibly arrogant and at one point unfortunately legitimately believed I was smarter than most people.”
“I’ve been humbled a lot.”
“But even now I catch myself thinking someone is stupid without considering their background or the many areas in which they are most definitely smarter than I am.”
“Your brother both being coddled and on the spectrum means his thinking is far more black and white on the subject than it should be.”
“He deserved the reality check and hopefully coming from someone he knows loves him will make it sink in.” ~ DoULiekChickenz
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
You told the truth with the best of intentions.
Hopefully you and the family can find a way through this.
Good luck.