All soon-to-be step-parents want to make a good impression on their new family.
This could mean making certain adjustments to their lifestyle, in an effort to ensure that they will be welcomed into the family by their step-children.
This could mean eating foods they don’t normally love or trying out hobbies that hadn’t previously interested them.
As well as possibly having to adapt to living with pets.
Redditor throwaway0999099 was initially dismayed when her fiancé didn’t warm to her daughter’s cat like she hoped he would.
But she never expected things to take the unsettling turn they eventually did, resulting in the original poster (OP) being unable to hide her anger towards her fiancé.
Worried she behaved out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for blowing up on my fiancé in front of his family for getting my daughter’s cat out of the house?”
The OP disclosed that right off the bat, there was a hurdle affecting the relationship between her daughter and fiancé.
“I (35, F[emale]) got engaged to my fiancé Eric (37 M[ale]) 2 months ago.”
“He moved in with me and my daughter Zoey (13 F).”
“Everything was going well til he started complaining about Zoey’s cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so I had no idea what the issue was exactly.”
“Anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her.”
“He gave Zoey a list of places the cat can/can’t go, things she’s ‘allowed’ to touch, banned her from places like kitchen and sofa, Zoey’s favorite place to cuddle with her cat.”
“Zoey showed me this list and I had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous.”
“He ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married.”
But the OP’s fiancé didn’t give her much of a chance to think about these demands, as he quickly took matters into his own hands.
‘Few days ago, I was at work and got a call from Zoey crying saying her cat wasn’t in her room and in the house.”
“I freaked out too and went home to look for her.”
“Zoey and I looked for 2 hours before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw Eric leaving her outside and getting in his car and leaving.’
“I was surprised and quite angry.”
“Zoey took her cat and went back inside.”
“I immediately drove to my future in-laws home where Eric said he’d be.”
“The second I saw him sitting with his family I went off and blew up at him in front of everyone.”
“His mom asked what was happening and I told her her son got my daughter’s INDOOR cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost.”
“He argued about wanting me to stop spouting nonsense and go home and we’d talk there but I refused.”
“It got worse and I ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him.”
“He sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt I pulled in front of his family.”
“He said that he didn’t mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams I confirmed it.”
“He still insisted that I humiliated him in front of his family and tried to turn them against him.”
“He’s been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting.”
“AITA for blowing up on him in front of his family?”
The OP shared a photo of the cat in question.
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed completely that the OP had every right to call out her fiancé, even in front of his family.
Everyone believed that behavior of the OP’s fiancé was indicative of how he’ll behave as a step-father, leaving many urging the OP to question if it’s a good idea for her to proceed with this marriage.
“NTA.”
“But if you stay engaged to him, you will be, towards your daughter.”
“I hope he’s your ex-fiancé, at this point.”- SDstartingOut
“NTA.”
“And this relationship needs to end.’
“He thinks he can control you and your daughter, and it is his right.”
“He has no problem hurting your daughter.”
“He has no problem endangering the life of an animal.”
“He lied to you, and you would know the truth without the cameras.”
“That means that you can’t trust him.”
“He gaslit you in front of his family, pretending what he did wasn’t as bad as it was.”
“He knows that he is wrong, but doesn’t care.”
“He rather get his way.”
“If what he did wasn’t wrong, them why hide it from his family?”
“The silence has a reason.”
“It’s the beginning of coercive control.”
“Withhold everything to put yourself in a position of power and force the other person into negotiating.”
“Don’t fall for it!!!”
“Maybe he stopped calling, because he knows that he can’t easily control both of you.”
“That is a blessing.”
“If you continue with this man, you will be unhappy and it will negatively impact your relationship with your daughter.”
“I do find it interesting that you came over to his family’s home with flames coming out of your nose, and their response was not to tell you to calm down or leave or question your behavior.”
“Instead, they asked you what he did and took your side.”
“That usually only happens when a family already knows he is an A-hole by his countless actions.”
“Take the lesson here.”- Pretty_In_Pink_81
“NTA.”
“What he did is horrible.”
“But what it says about him is way worse.’
‘He doesn’t just lack empathy, but also respect for you and your daughter and integrity.”- CakeEatingRabbit
“His house too?”
“Really?”
“He moved in and now makes all the rules? “
“How much do you value this controlling relationship.”
“This man is going to get worse and more demanding.”
“Set your boundaries and toss this person to the roadside.”
“You and your daughter will be much happier in the long run.”- AussieTopCat
“OP, NTA.”
“Change your locks.”
“Pack his crap in one big box and tape your ring to the top of it.”
“Put said box at the end of the driveway for him to pick up.”
“Hug your daughter, give the cat some scritches, and go on with your life.”
“Give your neighbor a nice Thank You gift for rescuing the cat!”- Purpleagluna
“I think he an abusive AH who waited until he was moved in and embedded before showing his true colors.”
“The fact that his family went off at him as well is very telling.”
“This is only the tip of the iceberg.”
“There is no future here.”
“NTA.”-Post_Nuclear_Messiah
“OP.”
“Holy sh*t.”
“I cannot emphasize this enough.”
“For your sake.”
“For your daughter sake DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.”
“Make him move out.”
“Immediately.”
“End this relationship.”
“NTA.”
“Don’t let him around the cat unsupervised.”
“He is cold, calculating, and cruel.”
“This is not a man you want to marry.”-chaosandpuppies
“NTA, but you will be if you marry him.”
“He has already told you this is how it’s going to be when you marry him.”
“He is controlling and doesn’t care at all about you or your daughter’s feelings.”-Mental_Dragonfly_954
“NTA Just break up with him and move on.”
“He’s not a good person.”
“Also, I am tickled by the picture of the cat with LOL Surprise! behind it.”
“I bet he was LOL surprised when you showed up at his family’s place to call him out on his bullsh*t.”-DerpDevilDD
“I’ve seen the cat, the man should be composted.”
“NTA.”- allsheneedsisaburner
“NTA.”
“I might be overstepping here but screw it: Dump his a**.”
“He’s abusing TWO important members of your family here.”
“Your daughter and that beautiful cat.”
“I’m so glad she was safe and your neighbor found her!”-MycologistRecent7216
“Things will change once you’re married huh?”
“His house?”
“This guy is a patriarchal tool who’s going to expect to be the king of the household and you and your daughter to be his subjects.”
“Please don’t marry him.”
“NTA.”
“Well, at least he gave you fair warning.”
“Time to protect your daughter, her cat, and yourself.”
“While he’s staying with his friend change the locks and pack up his things.”
“If you can, have them delivered to the friend’s house; if not, to his parents.”
“Don’t forget to include the engagement ring if you have one.”
“NTA.”- Linzk425
“Cancel the engagement and get rid of him.”
“If he’s willing to dump someone’s pet, who knows what else he might do?”
“NTA.”-mdthomas
The controlling behavior exhibited by the OP’s fiancé is alarming to say the least.
It’s also hard not to wonder how he could possibly imagine that he’s making a good impression with his eventual step-daughter.
That is, if the wedding is still on.