There are few feelings worse for children, or anybody for that matter, than not being included.
This could include being chosen last for teams, not being allowed to sit with a certain group at lunch.
Or worst of all, not being invited to a birthday party which nearly everyone else appeared to be.
This was frequently a problem for the niece of Redditor Right-Confusion8858, and her daughter wasn’t going to help with this problem as she wasn’t eager to invite her to her own birthday party.
This led the original poster (OP) to come to a compromise of sorts which she thought would please everyone.
Though when the OP’s niece and sister learned what this compromise was, they were both anything but pleased.
Worried about how she handled the situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my 10yr old niece to my daughters slumber party after her birthday party?”
The OP explained how her daughter’s birthday party was divided in two, and since her daughter wasn’t especially close with her niece, she felt it would be fine if her niece was only invited to one half of the birthday festivities.
“My (39 F[emale]) daughter just turned 11 last week.”
“My Sisters (36F) daughter is 10.”
“My daughter had two parties, one of which was held at a local skating rink, and the other which was at our house afterwards where her and 7 other girls would be having a sleep over.”
“Essentially, all the boys went home, and the girls stayed after.”
“My sister begged me to invite my niece, stating she was bullied and ‘never gets invited to parties’.”
“While my daughter does not dislike my niece, they are also not very close.”
“My daughter sometimes says my niece is a bit odd/annoying, and I can understand why.”
“She tends to act strangely in social situations, has specific obsessions, and is overweight.”
“The last bit is not her fault, but my sisters and I hound her for it.”
“I decided that she deserved a break, and I believe her when she says her daughter does not get invited places often.”
“I tell my daughter she is invited, to which she begged me to not let her spend the night.”
“I decided this was a good compromise, and did not even mention the sleep over to my sister so even if she tried to force her daughter into the party, she would have nothing with her.”
“No clothes, no toothbrush.”
But when the day of the birthday party finally arrived, the OP’s sister and niece were hurt and disappointed to learn she was left out of all the celebrations.
“The day of the party arrives and the kids have a blast.”
“Sister and I got along pretty well and she got my daughter a nice gift.”
“The kids all played nice despite my niece clearly being overbearing on the other children.”
“When everything was all wrapped up I stood up, thanked all the parents for coming but said our time was up, and it was time for the boys to go home and the girls to follow us back for the slumber party.”
“My niece went up to my sister, who seemed to be concerned about something, probably that they had nothing to take with them.”
“I assumed my sister would tell her they were heading home.”
“I had my daughter say bye to her cousin, and my sister.”
“My sister looked at me confused and asked ‘Is ___ not coming over to your house?'”
“I guess I rubbed her the wrong way because I chuckled a bit and said ‘Oh, no, it’s just her and her girl friends’.”
“She made a face, and my niece started tearing up a bit and clung onto my sister, but I stood my ground because it’s what my daughter wanted.”
“My sister left with her begrudgingly and told me she would text me later.”
“Our mom came up and asked me what her problem was, and when I explained she gave me a dirty look and said ‘That’s not a good lesson for (my daughter) to learn’.”
“‘You should have let her stay’.”
“She said goodbye to my daughter and left.”
“My sister sent me a long text about how I made her daughter feel, saying that I allowed her to feel left out despite forcing my daughter to invite her.”
“My sister and mom will not speak to me, saying that I took part in the ostracization of my sister’s daughter, but am I really TA?”
The OP went on to emphasize how not including her niece in her sister’s was only to respect her daughter’s wishes on her birthday.
“I do not discuss her weight directly to her.”
“That is kept between me and my sister.”
“I am not an a**hole to my niece because of her autism.”
“I stated this so that people would understand that its simply her perceived odd/annoying behavior that she is bullied, and not because she is a bully herself or anything else.”
“I do not treat her badly, nor did I specifically not want her there.”
“My daughter did not want her there, which is why I did not invite her to the sleepover.”
“My daughter also treats her with nothing but respect, but she has to be very patient with her.”
“She wanted to have a night to herself and her friends.”
“My niece overcompensates and is very overbearing in social situations with my daughter and her friends.”
“I think its a self defense mechanism for fear of being left out, which is sad, do not get me wrong.”
[However it requires a lot of patience from my daughter to handle.”
“My daughter is allowed to not want to play mediator on her birthday.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP was met with a very little sympathy from the Reddit community, who overwhelmingly found her to be the a**hole in this situation.
Just about everyone agreed that while the OP had every right not to invite her niece to her daughter’s slumber party, she could have handled it much more sympathetically, particularly since she knew all to well how sensitive her niece is to being left out.
“Yes, your daughter can invite who she wants to a sleepover for her birthday.”
“That wasn’t the A-Hole move.”
“What was, was inviting your niece to a party that you had on the same day of the sleepover AND making it clear that she was excluded.”
“After all, all the other girls who were invited were sleeping over, you made it a point to announce it was time for the boys to leave, and it was clear by your actions that your niece was the ONLY girl who wasn’t invited to stay over.”
“That’s a very sh*tty thing for an aunt to do, making her niece feel excluded and practically rubbing her face in it.”- ladygreyowl13
“While you’re NTA for respecting your daughter’s wishes not to have her cousin at the slumber party, this was a terrible way to handle the situation.”
“You should’ve told your sister that your kid only wanted to invite her close friends to the slumber party so that her kid knew that she was going home after ice skating, but you didn’t.”
“You not only didn’t say anything but you announced in front of the entire group that ‘all the girls’ were going back to yours – except for your niece.”
“You clearly didn’t stop and think for even a second about how that would make your niece feel.”
“Imagine standing there, as a 10 year old who is more than likely excited about finally being invited to a birthday party, thinking that you were going on to a sleepover as one of ‘the girls’, only to be told in front of everyone that you’re not included.”
“She was understandably upset and your sister was absolutely right to stand up for her daughter.”
“You treated her appallingly and this thing you have about her weight is unnecessary.”
“What’s with that?”
“YTA, and I hope you never find yourself in a similar situation with your kid.”
“My heart truly breaks for your niece.”
“On this occasion you not only treated her badly but also cruelly.”
‘How can you not see that announcing to a group of kids that ‘all the girls’ were going back to yours for a slumber party only to turn to your niece and say, ‘but not you’ is going to hurt her?”
“As I said, it’s fine for your daughter not to want her at her sleepover, but the issue lies in how you did not invite her.”
“It should’ve been communicated to your sister way in advance of the party so her daughter was prepared to go home immediately after being done with ice skating.”
“Instead you made her think with your announcement that she was invited, hurt her feelings and turned the responsibility of your actions onto your sister for not reading your mind.”-ImStealingTheTowels
“Not for not inviting your niece to the sleepover, but for how you handled it.”
“You humiliated that little girl in front of everyone.”
“You made it very clear that she wasn’t your daughter’s friend and that she was unwanted.”
“That kind of thing sticks with children their whole lives.”
“You’re quite a mean person.”
“Hope you’re pleased with the way you broke that little girl’s heart.”- EsmerldaWeatherwax
“So her own mother and her aunts hound a ten year old girl about being overweight.”
“At least three adults bullying her?”
“Yeah, I’m sure that totally helps her be less socially awkward.”- SaltMarshGoblin
“No one has to have someone at their party they don’t like but you’re kind of TA for the way it was handled.”
“You should’ve made things more clear with your sister before the party so your nieces feelings weren’t hurt.”
“I was expecting to read that your niece is the bully and rude to your daughter but all you say is that she’s odd and overweight?”
“Now sure how her weight is relevant at all btw.”
“Seems like you guys are the problem more than her.”
“That poor kid, can’t imagine how she feels.”
“Overall, YTA.”- nibbs-
It’s pretty shocking that the OP consciously chose to announce the slumber party knowing that her niece wasn’t invited, and didn’t even give herself a moment to think if this would hurt her feelings.
Sadly, it might take her own daughter being cruelly excluded from a party or gathering which might teach the OP how insensitive her actions were, but that shouldn’t be wished on any child.