Sometimes, we come across a product so ridiculous we can’t help but hope it isn’t a real thing. For example, a new startup is selling used tissues as a means to boost the immune system.
No, I’m not kidding.
Vaev Tissue is actually selling tissues infected with the common cold virus, each coated in a “hydrolayer” of human sneezes.
Using a germ-infested tissue is guaranteed to get you sick, and the company considers this a benefit. Vaev suggests being able to choose when you get sick is much more convenient than being infected with a cold out of the blue. Now you can get it over with, build up your immune system and ensure it doesn’t happen again this season.
Again, I’m not kidding.
Founder Oliver Niessen says scheduling your sickness is a “luxury” and went on to explain how this concept is the future of the common cold:
“I mean, we customize everything in our lives and we have everything the way that we want it, so why not approach sickness that way as well?”
Each tissue is $80, and according to the website, these pre-sneezed snot rags are “treated with organic ingredients” and are “safer than needles or pills.”
Niessen explained their one-of-a-kind process:
“We have a rotation of people who get sick for the production of this product. The rotation guarantees that we always have at least one person sick/available to help make more.”
Disgustingness aside, do these actually work?
Of course not! Doctors have confirmed that these used tissues are garbage.
Professor Charles Gerba of the University of Arizona explained there are more than 200 different varities of the common cold and therefore, being exposed to one strain doesn’t immunize you from all of them.
Gerba also warns against this as there is no telling how someone is going to react to a certain virus:
“Say you have an elderly person, you give it to them — they could die from it.”
Richard Watkins – an infectious disease physician and an associate professor of internal medicine at Northeast Ohio Medical University – has called these “bizarre” and “a total waste of money.”
Of course everyone believes this to be a joke:
Thought this was a joke but it’s real ????????♀️????????♀️
— Mezepoo (@lanszepoo) January 23, 2019
This is a joke, right?
— Kaniner (@Kaninenkung) January 24, 2019
People are generally appalled and disgusted:
By people I especially mean me.
Nah fam,…She wiped her face with someone else’s snot……….NOPEEEEEEEEEEE https://t.co/V9ZGBw7c4g
— Mastermind (@Mastermind) January 24, 2019
Just when I think I’ve seen it all…$80 for a box of used tissue. “The typical Vaev customers are young parents and people in their 20s, Niessen says, and “critical” of vaccines.” https://t.co/G7nyNy3sAU
— Dr. Tara C. Smith (@aetiology) January 23, 2019
The Vaev Tissue thing sounds outrageously disgusting. ???? Slightly appalling ????????????????
— Super Court ???? (@CoCo_Maye) January 25, 2019
Could it be a scam? Maybe. Do I hope it is? You have no idea.
I’ve never actually wanted anything to be a scam before. But, alas, here we are.
Pretty sure this is a sham product.
— Christian Hietanen, DO (@DrHietanen) January 24, 2019
Oh, and in case you’re thinking “there is no way anyone would actually purchase a used tissue” then think again, friend. Because as of now, all of them are sold out.
Vaev has sold 1,000 used tissues.
And they’re sold out.
— rocco1109 (@wrc1109) January 23, 2019
Some are hoping that this means that there weren’t any to begin with…
I sure hope so. As I said earlier, I hope “sold out” means “this is not real” rather than “people are actually paying for this.”
— Dr. Tara C. Smith (@aetiology) January 24, 2019
Can’t disgusting measures like this be prevented with, I don’t know, vaccinations?
I would rather spend a month sick as a dog, unable to breathe through my nose at all than utilize a used tissue from someone else. There is a reason we have flu vaccines, people.
Vaccines are more reliable and safer. This is completely daft nonsense and possibly unsafe too #vaccineswork
— John (@joltdude) January 24, 2019
Thinks vaccinations are baaad, but perfectly happy to inhale godnose what from godnose who.
I haven’t seen stupid like that since a prodisease activist was offering to send a lollipop sucked by her kid – ill with chickenpox – through the mail to another mum.
— alison campbell (@AcampbelTeacher) January 24, 2019
Instead of getting that flu shot this year take $80 – go to store – and buy some preinfected tissues.
Ladies and gentleman for your consideration of dumbest business idea of the year….used snot rags. https://t.co/ionCI3LC7T
— Daniel Duckworth (@DuckMal) January 23, 2019
Crossing my fingers that the rest of 2019 is filled with hope…and not snot:
2019 was so full of promise…
— c0nc0rdance (@c0nc0rdance) January 25, 2019
Humans are so, so, so stupid. Creating an epidemic because… um… I don’t know why? pic.twitter.com/N44BcuxV9w
— Eliza Plaguething Beanmeats (@NyoEi) January 26, 2019
Moral of the story: don’t buy these.