Inheriting money is a bittersweet, delicate issue.
As nice as it is to be gifted any amount of money, the circumstances of getting it are less than celebratory.
While deep down, most people ultimately do the responsible thing and save inherited money or put it to good use, resisting the temptation to splurge on a vacation or an extravagant item remains a challenge.
Perhaps the most awkward circumstance surrounding an inheritance is jealous people who feel the money should have gone to them and make no secret about it.
When Redditor Every-Bat9568 was widowed after his first wife’s passing, his wife left behind a substantial amount of money.
Money which the original poster (OP) had very specific plans for.
However, the OP’s second wife felt there were other ways his late wife’s money could be used.
When the OP refused these suggestions, his wife made no secret of how unfair she felt his decision was.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for keeping my late wife’s money aside for my our children?”
The OP explained why his wife was so upset by how he chose to use the money left to him by his late wife:
“I lost my late wife when our children were young.”
“She had money that was hers (we had joint and separate finances).”
“Anything that was her separate finances is being saved for our children.”
“Where the question of this comes in is I have remarried, and I have a stepchild and another biological child with my present wife.”
“She was always aware that I consider this money for the children I had with my late wife only.”
“But recently she feels it’s unfair because they have money set aside for the future that will at least help get them started after they turn 18 while we sometimes had to make sacrifices due to inflation, etc.”
“The latest thing was my stepdaughter wanted to join these dance classes that would help in her dream of professional dancing.”
“We could not afford those specific dance classes.”
“My wife was upset.”
“She wanted to do this so badly for my stepdaughter.”
“And for those who’ll ask, the bio father is not in the picture and has not been found, so he can pay child support, and yes, he was searched for on more than one occasion, but my wife has no idea where her ex is.”
“She wanted to know why there’s money set aside for just two of the kids for their future instead of using it now to make our lives easier.”
“I told her my late wife wanted this for them and I believe the money should be spent on my children with my late wife anyway.”
“I told her we still had a good life.”
“We just didn’t have all the luxuries.”
“And like a lot of families we struggled when inflation hit but we were still doing good.”
“My wife cannot access this money by the way and I know that will also be asked.”
“I also have arrangements made in case something happens to me.”
“My wife then said that we could pay for extra curricular’s for all four kids out of the money and have that off our minds and we could get back to saving, etc.”
“I said no.”
“She told me I’m acting like my late wife had left a will with instructions, which she didn’t, and she also accused me of treating my stepdaughter and my youngest child like they are less deserving.”
“I said the money is not mine.”
“It was my late wife’s, and it will be our children’s, and my wife should stop treating it as anything else.”
“She told me I’m being very unreasonable.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for saving his late wife’s money to be used by the two children he had with her.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s second line was missing the bigger picture.
He was honoring his first wife’s dying wish by saving her money for their two children, which was not “unreasonable” in the slightest.
“NTA.”
“The inheritance from your deceased wife was a premarital asset.”
“It’s not in the ‘our’ money pot.”
“It’s in the ‘my’ money pot, and you have been saving it for the children you had with your first wife.”
“Your wife doesn’t have to like it, but it is what it is.”
“She’s not entitled to use the money.”- Peony-Pony
“NTA.”
“And just wrap the money up in a formal trust for your two children whose mother passed.”
“Have it time limited to 25 when they get it, and only from 18 for education.”
“Your wife will need to get a job to fund your stepdaughter’s extras and get over herself.”
“I’d suggest a few sessions of couples therapy to get on the same page.”- TickityTickityBoom
“I’d say it’s unfair these children have to grow up without their mother, and money isn’t love, but it helps that it’s their mother’s money that gives them a head start in life.”
“And yes, she is ‘their mom’ now, but it’s not the same thing.”
“NTA.”- Drazilou
“NTA.”
“This money was from your late wife and it is for the children you both had together.”
“It is not for any stepchildren or other children you might have with someone else.”
“If it was a need, (like a medical issue maybe), I could possibly see using some of those funds, but anything that is a want, nope.”
“Your current wife is the unreasonable one.”- Worth-Season3645
“NTA.”
“This money belonged to their mom.”
“She has no connection to your current stepchild or bio child.”
“They are not her responsibility.”
“That money is for the kids who are.”
“You need to make it clear that it is a hard boundary that your wife can’t mention and that it isn’t ‘family’ money.”- NaryaGenesis
“NTA.”
“Your current wife is not entitled to your kid’s inheritance from their mom.”
“Put it in a trust so she can’t touch it.”
“Designate someone you trust to look after them that’s not your current wife.”- Shichimi88
“NTA.”
“It’s insane the amount of people that think windfalls of money they had NOTHING TO DO WITH should be used for themselves or their children by association.”
“That was not money that you were both saving. That was money your late wife was saving.”
“The fact you have other kids is irrelevant, and I’m glad to see even without set in stone instructions or a will you are still doing the right thing by keeping that money for the kids it was meant for.”- EnigmaGuy
“‘But recently she feels it’s unfair because they have money set aside for the future’.”
“Yeah, well’.”
“It’s also unfair your kids lost their mother… so.. what does she even mean by that?”
“I’m guessing (maybe i’m wrong) if your late wife didn’t die the situation would be entirely different.”
“NTA, maybe NAH.”- Total_Maintenance_59
“NTA.”
“The fact that your wife wants to take from your children (who suffered the devastating loss of a parent) to give to herself and her children is a flaming red flag.”
“She expects you to treat her child as your own but isn’t treating your kids as her own.”
“If she were, she’d respect that their mother left them an inheritance.”- LouisV25
“Get a legal financial advisor and get that money into trusts for your children from your late wife!”
“Make it untouchable and then put it from your mind.”
“If she was always like this, I’m wondering why you married her.”
“Keep an eye on how she treats your children.”
It should be equal.”
“She is being very weird about someone else’s money here and it bears keeping watch over.”
“NTA.”- Ok-Pomegranate-3018
“NTA if she wants your stepdaughter your youngest to be able to do extracurricular activities she needs to start budgeting for them but instead she is choosing to wait until the last minute and trying to guilt you into giving away your children’s money left from there mom.”
“Honestly you never should have told her about the money.”
“At this point I wonder if you just put the money into a trust with strict rules about accessing.”
“I know there are different types of trusts.”
“You should consult a lawyer or an estate planner.”- Specific-Syllabub-54
In fairness, the OP’s wife is, like him, thinking of her children and what that money could do for them.
However, this is a rare situation where she needs to think not of her own children, but of her stepchildren.
And taking away from them one of the few things their late mother could leave them would be an act they would never forgive her for, should they ever learn she went through with it.