While people say they would do anything for family – and the sentiment is usually true at its core – unspoken boundaries do exist.
A person shouldn’t be expected to hinder their own well-being and compromise their future in order to fulfill a favor to a family member, especially when it’s an avoidable monetary favor.
A teen on Reddit is being called “selfish” for refusing to use the money she’s been saving for college to help pay for her brother’s wedding, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Peachypetite_xo asked:
“AITA for not contributing to my brother’s wedding expenses?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (18/F[emale]) have an older brother, Mike (28/M[ale]), who is getting married in a few months.”
“Our family is pretty close, and we’ve always supported each other.”
“Recently, Mike and his fiancée have run into some budget issues with their wedding.”
“A few weeks ago, Mike asked if I could contribute financially to help cover some of the wedding costs.”
“He knows I’ve been saving the money I earned from my part-time job for college expenses and some personal goals.”
“I explained that I wouldn’t be able to help since I need those savings for my future education and other important needs.”
“Mike seemed to understand at first, but lately, he and some family members have been acting distant and cold towards me.”
“They think I’m being selfish for not helping out, especially since I’m still living at home and don’t have many expenses.”
“I’ve always tried to be there for my family, but I feel like I need to prioritize my own future, especially with college coming up soon.”
“I feel guilty for not being able to support my brother’s wedding, but I also feel it’s important to stick to my savings plan for my education and other personal goals.”
“Am I being unreasonable, or are they asking too much from me?
“AITA for not contributing to my brother’s wedding expenses?”
“Thanks for your perspective.”
Redditors weighed in and decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA), with many stating that her brother and other family members, however, are the a**holes (AH) for asking her to help fund his wedding in the first place.
“NTA”
“He’s a grown a** adult asking a teenager for money. He should stick to what he can afford.”
“That is money you earned, money you will need to establish yourself when you do move out.”
“Ask the family members who are giving you trouble how much they’re contributing.” – waywardjynx
“Anyone telling an 18 year old to spend their college money on a 30 year olds’ wedding is a complete AH.” – churchofdan
“NTA. Your family members are the a**holes for expecting a child to blow their minimum wage part-time savings, that are meant for your future, on a wedding that should have been budgeted for by the adults throwing it.”
“Don’t do it op.” – 624Seeds
“OMG, how pathetic for a man almost 30 to be asking his teenaged baby sister for her hard-earned college money for his stupid overpriced wedding!”
“Do not do it!”
“And no, you have zero reason for feeling guilty for not handing that entitled jacka** money.”
“You’re doing nothing wrong, but he certainly is!”
“That guilt you’re feeling is because those sh*tty people are trying to manipulate you, using the old ‘but faaamily!’ garbage manipulative tactic.”
“Keep saving and go to college far away from these a**hats.”
“NTA.” – Laquila
“NTA it is absolutely not appropriate to ask you for money.”
“Your family sounds pretty stupid to be honest” – ghjkl098
“NTA . If they can’t afford the wedding they have planned then they should scale it back to an amount they can afford.”
“Expecting an 18 year old to bail them out is just not acceptable at all.” – therealgingerone
“I sure hope your parents’ names aren’t on any of your bank accounts.”
“If they are, go open an account at a completely different bank and transfer all of your funds to the new account.”
“Otherwise, you may find the money gone.”
“NTA.”
“And it’s pretty gross that a nearly 30 yo man wants his teenaged sister to help pay for his wedding.” – Beck2010
“as a 28-year-old, the idea of asking a teenager for their earnings from their part-time-job because i can’t afford to pay for a party i’m throwing is one of the most absurd things i’ve ever heard.”
“who does that. what. NTA!” – liekkivalas
“NTA”
“They have to plan a wedding within their means.”
“Also, money for education > money for a f**king wedding.” – chuchofreeman
“NTA. Insane that they would expect you to give money to a big party instead of saving for your education.” – Lambsenglish
“NTA. When it comes to weddings people love to sh*t higher than their a**holes hang when it comes to budgeting.”
“You are saving for your future.”
“He is saving for what is essentially a big party.” – RazzmatazzOk9463
“NTA you’re a teenager with a part time job about to go to college, which is a whole lot more important to properly finance than a 1 day party like a wedding.”
“If they can’t afford the ‘wedding of their dreams’ then scale back those dreams, rather than rack up huge debts and make unrealistic demands on family members.” – stiggley
“NTA Your brother is the selfish one trying to take the money you need for school.”
“Yes, they are asking too much of you.” – Meep42
“NTA. Its not your obligation your brother should at least saved up and not rely on others to pay for his own wedding.” – Wonderful-Studio-870
“If he can’t afford his wedding, then he either needs to postpone it until he can, or downsize what he’s planning!”
“It’s not up to you, an 18yo, to finance your 28yo brother’s decisions!”
“NTA all day.”
“Don’t contribute past a modest wedding gift.” – lefdinthelurch
“NTA”
“They need to live and have a wedding within their means, and he should be ashamed to ask his teenage sister to give him money for his ‘party’.”
“He’s nearly 30 years old, he should know better!”
“If he can’t afford it then he/his fiancé need to take on a 2nd job or continue saving for longer.”
“Your money is for your education and anything else.”
“There’s no way he would pay for your studies (if he says he’ll refund you later, don’t believe his lies).”
“Make sure your money is in a bank account that none of your family can steal from you.” – MajorAd2679
“NTA.”
“He’s being selfish by expecting you to contribute a thing to his wedding.”
“If he and his fiance can’t afford the wedding they’re planning, then they need to change their plans.”
“Your education is far more important than a party, whether for a wedding or not.” – Ornery-Wasabi-473
“NTA. He should be embarrassed for having to ask a high school student to contribute to his wedding.”
“Save your money for your college.” – SqrrlGrl5
Several urged OP to avoid putting her future in jeopardy to appease her family.
“NTA. College is an investment in the future, not an expense.”
“A live band or open bar at a wedding is the opposite.” – Beneficial_Test_5917
“NTA”
“You need your money for your college expenses.”
“Your brother doesn’t need a fancier wedding.”
“He and his fiancee can borrow money from a bank if they think it’s important to spend so much to celebrate their wedding.”
“Don’t compromise your future to pay for your brother’s celebration.” – teresajs
“a futile and luxurious wedding vs your future education…. do you really think this is a dificult decision?” – bunnypt2022
“NTA.”
“A 28 y/o should know to budget better.”
“To rely on your 18 y/o bro for frivoulous money spending ( aka ) wedding is just wrong.”
“Ask your brother if he is willing to put into writing that he will pay for your college if you give him the money.”
“To trade your future for ONE party is mental.” – lodenscore
“You’re only 18 and have your life ahead of you.”
“just ignore it, go on with your plans and go live your life.”
“Relax, your brother’s marriage is his problem, you have nothing to do with it.” – LowInvestment3826
“I’m sorry, did I read this correctly?”
“Your f*cking family thinks you should sacrifice your college money for your brother’s wedding!”
“Are they out of their minds? The audacity of it!”
“Tell them they are crazy to think you would give up your education for a party for your brother.”
“And tell your brother to grow up and have a wedding he can afford instead of leeching from others.”
“You sound like you’re the only adult in your family, so do not give in to their stupid demands.”
“Keep your spine and your bright future.” – Antique-diva
“This is nuts.”
“No, you (a teenager) do not need to toss your literal college savings to your brother (an adult) to pay for his optional wedding expenses.”
“Keep your savings. NTA.” – katie-kaboom
“NTA”
“Don’t burn yourself to keep others warm.”
“We also help each other in our family, IF we can afford to at the time of need.”
“If not, we apologize, and move on.”
“Your family is out of line.” – CuriousCake3196
It certainly seems that OP has her priorities in order, and according to her fellow Redditors, she should in no way feel bad about that.
Hopefully her brother can find some ways to cut back on expenses for the wedding, but it sounds like he has no reason to be upset with OP.