When we think we’ve found “the one,” we’re pretty quick to imagine the beautiful life that we have to look forward to and all we hope to do with this special person.
But sometimes people aren’t who they seem to be. If we’re planning on marrying them, the least they can do is reveal who they truly are before we exchange vows, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor FAZJLU was financially doing very well for himself and was happily engaged to his fiancée, and they had recently celebrated both of their brothers getting married recently.
But when his fiancée demanded that he give her brother just as expensive of a gift as he had given to his own brother, and considered him to be an embarrassment when he refused, the Original Poster (OP) began to wonder if he really knew the woman he was planning to marry.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for not buying my fiancée’s brother an expensive wedding gift and having second thoughts about our relationship?”
The OP was financially doing very well.
“I (32 Male) have a successful business in NYC, and I’m engaged to my fiancée (26 Female).”
“We’ve been together for a few years and we’re planning to get married in June 2025.”
“I’m doing pretty well financially, and I recently bought a house where she’ll move in after the wedding.”
The OP gave his brother a very special gift for his wedding.
“I’m really close with my younger brother (30 Male), and we’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember.”
“He got married in April, and as a wedding gift, I surprised him with a Rolex he’d been eyeing for a while.”
“He didn’t expect it and was over the moon about it, which made me feel great because I love him to death.”
But in doing so, the OP set a precedent with his future wife and brother-in-law (BIL).
“Now here’s where things get sticky.”
“My fiancée’s older brother got married two weeks ago, and leading up to his wedding, she kept making comments about how much her brother loves Rolexes.”
“She’d mention it here and there, but I didn’t really pay much attention.”
“For her brother’s wedding, I decided to gift him a $2,000 prepaid credit card as a honeymoon gift. I thought it was a generous gesture, and he seemed grateful.”
“But after the wedding, my fiancée started acting strange. Today, she finally told me she was disappointed in me.”
“Apparently, she’d convinced herself that I was going to get her brother a Rolex, just like I did for mine. She even hinted to her brother and some of her friends that I was going to buy him a ‘fancy’ gift, like a Rolex.”
“Now she’s saying that I was cheap because I ‘only’ gave her brother a $2,000 gift, and how it doesn’t compare to the $20,000 I spent on my brother’s watch.”
The OP could not believe his fiancée’s sudden shift in expectations.
“I’m honestly shocked and upset. Why would she think I’d spend that kind of money on her brother just because I did it for mine? I love her brother, but there’s no comparison between him and my own brother, who’s my best friend.”
“I feel like she’s completely overlooking the fact that I gave her brother a gift that most people would consider very generous.”
“Now I’m starting to have serious second thoughts about this relationship. I never imagined she’d put this kind of pressure on me or act like I owe her family the same kind of money I spend on my own.”
“I’m thinking of confronting her, but I’m wondering if I’m missing something here.”
“What do you think? Am I wrong for not buying her brother a Rolex and for being upset about her reaction?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP’s instincts and encouraged him to rethink the relationship.
“NTA. If that is the kind of expectation she wants out of you, you better reevaluate your relationship with her.” – beet3637
“She probably told her brother that she will make it up to him after she gets married. You’re rolling the dice, OP. You’re gonna regret marrying this one if you do. NTA.” – Hayek_School
“NTA. She shouldn’t be promising anything with money that’s not hers. Also, your gift was really generous, and honestly, you can’t compare your brother with an in-law.” – Lazy_Lingonberry5977
“Here’s what your fiancée is really telling you. When you’re married, you’re going to be expected to use your wealth at her discretion, specifically with regard to her family.”
“If you’re not okay with that, you need to have that conversation now. NTA.” – Friendly_University7
“I’m concerned about how her expectations could change after marriage. If she’s already hinting that you should match your gift to her brother with your brother’s gift, it might be a sign of more demands to come.”
“I’d definitely take a step back and think about what you want in a partner. Communication about finances needs to be crystal clear before tying the knot, or it could lead to some serious conflicts.”
“NTA.” – leavesmeplease
“NTA. She’s a gold digger. If your fiancee wanted her brother to have a Rolex, she should have bought it for him.”
“If this relationship continues, you need a prenup, preferably one that protects your premarital assets, future income, and retirement accounts, and limits any post-divorce support.”
“Her reaction when you tell your fiancee that you want a prenup and to have separate finances will tell you everything you need to know.” – teresajs
Others were sure she was marrying the OP for his money and encouraged him to reconsider.
“Her mask has slipped! She has now revealed that she’s marrying OP’s wallet! I can’t imagine someone calling $2000 cheap! H**l, if I got a $2000 gift card for my wedding, I’ll be giving that person a thank-you gift!”
“NTA, OP, you have seen the red flag, and now it’s time to run away from the bull.” – Apart_Foundation1702
“OP, if you go against your instincts here. Make sure you put everything you have including your income in trust, (private irrevocable) and make only yourself a beneficiary.”
“This way, anything you make/earn goes to trust, and she cannot snatch it, you can still buy ‘yourself’ a Rolex if you wish, and gift it to your BIL. During the divorce, she cannot get 50% because the trust owns your income and wealth, and you are just a beneficiary.”
“I hope you do the right thing and at least confront her. There are many ways to drag her through clear water and see what comes off of her.”
“Most people don’t realize all the hard work and risk behind someone’s success and wealth, and feel entitled to a share because you have ‘so much of it, why not just share.'” – Big-Brother-5294
“When I got married, my sister and her husband were what you’d consider quite wealthy – Lamborghini on the drive kind of wealthy. My sister and brother-in-law gave us a cheque for £1000.”
“Both my wife and I were extremely grateful as we thought this was very, very generous. Granted that was over 20 years ago, but still.”
“My brother-in-law was like a brother to me, but I still wouldn’t have expected anything extravagant.”
“OP’s fiancée is marrying his wallet.” – gooderj
“She has shown her true colors. if the brother loves Rolexes so much, she could have given it to him as his sister. If he marries, it will be an expensive married life and divorce.” – abstractengineer2000
“Asking for a prenup should reveal to the OP a lot more about the fiance’s true motives. Heck, OP bringing up the idea of him considering a prenup may be all the answer he needs to know if the wedding should move forward or be canceled.”
“I’d love to be a fly on their wall when it is brought up. NTA.” – Quirky-Waltz-4U
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an unfortunate update in a second post.
“It’s been a few days since my original post, and I’ve gone through many of your comments. Before I dive into the update, I want to address some common questions.”
“First, a lot of you criticized me for giving my brother a Rolex as a wedding gift, saying a wedding gift should be for the couple. To clarify, I did give my sister-in-law a separate gift: a gold jewelry set from her favorite brand.”
“Second, many of you said some harsh things about my fiancée, questioning whether she even has a job. She’s currently completing her PhD, with offers from both Meta and Google. I have no doubt she’ll be earning a great salary once she finishes.”
“As for our age difference, she’s 26 and I just turned 32, so it’s only a 5-year gap. It’s disappointing that some of you assumed she was with me just for money. Also, for those who asked, she gave my brother a gift worth around $1,000.”
The OP’s latest conversation with his fiancée immediately dissolved into an argument.
“Now, for the actual update. I asked her to meet me for dinner, and after we went to a nice restaurant, we headed back to my place.”
“I brought up the tension that’s been building in our relationship over the last few weeks, and she immediately blamed me, claiming I embarrassed and insulted her brother with the gift I gave him.”
“At that point, I nearly lost it. I reminded her of everything I’ve done for her over the years, including letting her live rent-free in my old apartment (which I could easily rent out for $3,500+ per month).”
The OP was shocked by how his fiancée reacted when he mentioned filing a prenup.
“I was too drained to argue any further, so I brought up the topic of a prenup. I told her it was in both of our best interests to sign one before getting married.”
“Her reaction was intense. She went wide-eyed, started yelling, and accused me of believing she was only with me for my money. She was furious that I would even consider divorce.”
“After arguing for over an hour, I finally said I needed more time to think about our relationship. She asked if I was breaking up with her, and I said, ‘Yes.'”
“She went quiet for a few minutes before asking what I wanted her to do with the engagement ring. I told her she could keep it.”
“Then she asked about the apartment. I told her she could stay until the end of October, but after that, she’d need to find a new place.”
“She seemed shocked by my answer, though I’m not sure what she was expecting.”
Their future dissolved over a Rolex watch.
“In short, we’ve ended our relationship. She tried calling me yesterday, but I was in a meeting and didn’t pick up. She later texted asking if we could meet on Saturday, and while I agreed, I’ve already made up my mind that I’m not going back to her.”
“Her dad reached out, and while we’ve always gotten along, he was understanding and wished me the best.”
“On the other hand, my mom isn’t happy with me, mostly because she got close to her, and I didn’t share the real reason behind the breakup.”
“It sucks, especially after all the time and energy I invested in the relationship, but honestly, I’m glad it happened now rather than a few years down the line. Going forward, I’m not rushing into another serious relationship unless I find the right person. Time to enjoy being single.”
While the subReddit felt for the OP and the situation he found himself in, they were grateful that he found this out about his fiancée before they actually got married.
Since she was expecting such lavish gifts while engaged, there was no way of knowing what she would expect once they had said their vows.