Bad boyfriends happen.
They’re just a fact of dating life.
For most of us, when we think of a bad boyfriend we think of lying, cheating, laziness—that sort of thing.
One woman on Reddit is dealing with a bad boyfriend on a whole other level, though. She was sitting around idly scrolling through her long-term boyfriend’s phone when she discovered he had been sharing the nudes she sent him.
Sharing nudes without permission is a terrible breach of trust (and totally dumpable offense, in our opinion) in and of itself.
But it wasn’t just that he shared them that upset her. It was also who he shared them with.
Her boyfriend had been sharing her nudes—and commenting on her body—with his dear ol’ dad.
For those of you who doubt a boyfriend would do such a thing, I once had an ex share my nudes with his brother-in-law; a man he knew I disliked greatly and a man who constantly made mocking comments about my body. It happens, and not just on Reddit.
This woman had to deal with comments as well. See, when her boyfriend forwarded her nudes along to his dad, his dad would take that as an opportunity to provide his “expert” commentary.
Dad would send boyfriend encouraging messages and say things about her body and her value as a girlfriend. It was like her boyfriend and his dad were having father-son bonding moments over her naked body totally without her consent.
She turned to Reddit for advice.
Now, before you sigh and roll your eyes, she didn’t need advice on whether or not to dump the boyfriend. She pulled that plug SO FAST—as well she should have. What she wasn’t sure about was whether or not to pursue any further action against her now-ex boyfriend by involving authorities.
Here’s her Reddit post explaining the situation:
“I (24F) found out that my (25M) boyfriend has been sharing my nudes with his father.”
“I found out only because I was scrolling through his phone and he shared them over text message.”
“His dad made disgusting sick comments like “That’s my boy” and “Damn she’s hot and wet, she’s a keeper.”
“Never ever in my life have I ever trusted anyone as much as I trusted my boyfriend. I had never sent nudes to anyone before in my life because I was terrified something like this would happen.”
“I ended up cutting off all contact with him and I am completely disgusted and so ashamed and embarrassed. I have not been able to leave my house in 2 days because I feel so objectified, used and I feel like complete trash.”
“I am not sure if I am going to take any steps against him legally because we were together for 3 years and I really don’t want to destroy the rest of his life with criminal charges. I am just really sick and confused right now.”
“I need some advice.”
“Thank you.”
She then followed it up with this quick update after she confronted her boyfriend:
“To be fair my boyfriend is completely devastated and genuinely feels terrible. He says his father has always kind of judged him on the amount of sex he gets, or doesn’t get, and uses that as a measurement of how much of a ‘man’ he is.”
“I just told him that I need space for awhile until I cool off. I’m so sick to my stomach though.”
So, you know how some Reddit threads asking for advice get mixed responses as people approach them from differing perspectives?
Yeah … this isn’t one of those threads.
People’s responses can pretty much be summed up in one GIF:
People are so ready for her to torch the whole relationship with her boyfriend, if not more.
“He sent them to his dad. It’s not like his dad looked at them through his phone, either with or without permission. Your bf created a message, attached your nudes and sent them over the information superhighway to his father.”
“Neither of them have any class, let alone any morals or values that would prevent them from sending your pictures to other family, friends, the public at large, which very likely is a crime. There’s absolutely no excuse and there is nothing that would justify doing what he did.”
“You need to protect yourself, because it’s pretty obvious that your boyfriend and his family do not have your best interest at heart in any way. Beyond, they have no issue being abusive to you. You’re not safe. You need to do everything you can do to protect yourself.” – emveetu
“Does he have sisters? And is his mom in the picture? If you aren’t willing to go down the legal route I’d probably tell them exactly what happened so they at least know what kind of men they’re surrounded by.”
“It’s sad because by doing absolutely nothing it opens up the chance for this to happen to other girls, but I understand legal stuff can be humiliating and time consuming. I’m sorry this happened to you, that guy and his dad are gross and you deserve better than this. I hope you can work through it! Just remember you did nothing wrong, this is all on them.” – zutteh
“I’m a guy and I don’t believe that ‘remorse’ sh*t for one f*cking second. Guys who are losers like this will make up whatever lie they can to save face, and also there’s something else going on here with these two weirdos.”
“If you don’t put a stop to this now, then these sick f*cks will keep doing this in the future until someone does something. I know you’re hurt and broken right now but you already made a strong move by cutting off ties, and I believe you have the strength to do something legally once you are able to collect yourself. Asking for help and direction here is also a great thing you’re doing.” – rjs724
“He’s just scared that you’re going to share him and his dad’s disgusting little secret, and he might be held accountable for things that he 100% knew were wrong to do. Don’t buy it, and as soon as you have the strength, PLEASE report him.” – tokyoro
“I am so sorry this happened to you. There is no ‘to be fair’ to him in this situation. It’s ok for you to feel broken right now. What he did to you was reprehensible.”
“Please do not give him any space to wriggle back into your life. Close the door on him forever. Make a clean break. And surround yourself friends who are saying the same thing. Anyone who is ‘trying to see both sides’ is not what what you need right now, you need people who are firmly in your camp.
“As for legal action, do what feels right to you, when it feels right to you. It’s ok to focus on healing first and take some space there to weigh your options. But as for whether this guy has any future in your life, there is no grey area. He made you feel awful and should not have any opportunity to do so again.” – laurelannlucy
“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” – Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men”
“Someone wise told me this a while back. Your good luck of finding the messages is simply disguised as bad luck.”
“It’s also good to hear he feels remorseful and that he acknowledges the damage his father has done to him. That means he can change. BUT that doesn’t mean you need to be there when he does. Get the hell out of there. Pronto.” – thejoshuabreed
“If dad has them, then it’s pretty likely dad’s friends have them. And seeing how the relationship is now blown up, dad and boyfriend are gonna have even less problem sharing them.”
“There needs to be a knock on both their doors from the local PD asap to discourage this and make them aware of the possibility of charges.” – Defnotagobknobbler