Living at home after 18 is a confusing situation. It’s a kind of parental limbo, where parents feel like they still run the show, despite you being legally independent.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated a case in point.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Loud_Emotion_8521 on the site, titled the post with a simple question.
“AITA for not ‘hiding my condoms?’ “
OP explained how she has found herself in that awkward zone between being a teenager and being an adult that your parents just leave alone.
“Hi everyone, It’s basically what the title says. I [20-year-old female] am a student and live with my mother [55-years-old] but we don’t really have a good relationship, we don’t talk much and I definitely don’t go to her for advice or anything.”
“I am sexually active and have been with my boyfriend [20-years-old] for about 2 years now.”
“My mom says she likes him and he comes over quite frequently (and I go/sleep over to his place too).”
Recently, there was a discovery.
“This morning I was minding my own business when she came into my room and started looking for a charger…”
“…I keep them all in a small box under my desk, my backpack was open and on the ground next to it, so she saw the box of condoms inside.”
It wasn’t lost on OP.
“I noticed she saw them and didn’t think much of it, but earlier she told me that I should hide my condoms because she doesn’t want to see them or know what I’m up to.”
“It was a bit embarrassing, but I told her I did nothing wrong since they weren’t in plain sight anyways, and if she doesn’t want to see things then she should just ask me for whatever she needs instead of barging in and going through my stuff.”
OP was surprised by her mom’s response.
“At this point she just started saying some really nasty things, calling me a prostitute and such, so I just left. Now she’s acting like nothing happened, but I can’t help being upset.”
“Was I wrong for not putting my condoms in a drawer or something?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most people took OP’s side.
“NTA. This is the physical version of ‘Eavsdroppers never hear anything good about themselves’ If your mother doesn’t want to see your stuff, she shouldn’t go raking about in it.” — duncanmhor
“NTA Well, it was her mistake to just barge in and search through your stuff instead of just asking you if u have it. Do keep the condoms in the drawer and not just lying on your bed or table or something.” — PichKari_KinG
“NTA. You are being a responsible adult and your mom is acting harsh and judgmental about it. Condoms are nothing to get in a tizzy over. You’re doing fine, ignore her and keep on keeping on.” — hexenwolfhollow
“NTA – My Dad tried to help me find something i lost one day. He thought they might be in my room (and they totally could have been).”
“He went to my bedside draws and i told him not to open a certain one … a back and forth of why not.. just don’t…. but why.. don’t…. happened. He opened the draw to my vibrator collection.”
“He shut it pretty fast and we never spoke about it but he listened after that.”
“She fu**ed up and didn’t listen. It was in your space. Surprise to her… you’re a human sexual creature. Not a you problem. She needs to rrealise you’re an adult and can do as you will.” — vintage_chick_
Once those responses started flying in, OP felt the need to set the record straight on a few things.
“wow, I didn’t really expect that many answers. Thank you to everyone that took the time to write a reply, I feel relieved and a lot better now. It was also quite fun to read some of your replies, so thanks for the laugh.”
“Some people have been asking why I’m not moving out, given the circumstances. Both my boyfriend and I are studying full time to get a degree and we live close to our university (Europe), so it’s just more convenient to live at home.”
“Where I’m from, it’s a law that parents have to support their kids until they reach financial stability even if they’re over 18 (doesn’t apply if said kids aren’t studying or looking for a job), and it’s quite normal for people to be living with their parents until they’re in their mid twenties.”
“I will definitely move out once I get my degree, but for now it’s just more convenient to stay here as I can focus on my studies.”
Then OP addressed another concern.
“A few people also told me to watch out for my mom tampering with the condoms to ‘teach me a lesson.’ Frankly I don’t think she’s that evil, but she has been making ‘jokes’ that ‘I should have a baby soon so she can raise it’ ever since I was 15.”
“Both my boyfriend and I dismissed it as awkward and in poor taste jokes, but I’ll definitely move my condoms. I’m not having kids until I know for sure I can provide for them, and I’m not totally convinced I’ll let my mom anywhere near them either.”
OP then doled out some empathy.
“I also saw some comments about how she grew up in a different environment and different times, and I agree.”
“Unfortunately generational trauma is very real and women everywhere still don’t feel safe speaking about or doing things that are completely normal.”
“That being said, I don’t hate my mom. I think she’s one of those people that isn’t fit to have kids, but it’s not her fault. I tried speaking to her about seeing a therapist, but she keeps refusing and getting violent, so I’ll just mind my own business and eventually move out.”
Then she closed with a couple heartfelt shout outs.
“Lastly, I also unfortunately read some comments of people that could relate to this whole thing. It made me feel a bit better, knowing that I’m not alone, but it’s also unfair and just horrible.”
“Everyone deserves basic respect and sadly, we cannot choose our parents. Let’s stay strong until we can move out.”
“Thank you to everyone that replied, you made a girl feel better. I will also never doubt myself again on this kind of things lol. Thanks again!”
Looks like OP condoms aren’t going anywhere.