It’s understandable that one would want to help your family when they need it. But not everyone is qualified to assist at a level that some people need.
Redditor UnspeakableActions was asked to help his family, but the original poster (OP) didn’t think that he was the best choice. OP declined due to the relationship he has with his counsin.
Now his family is calling him ‘unreasonable’ and berating him for refusing to help. OP is second guessing his decision, and decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit if he was wrong.
He asked the board:
“AITA for not wanting to take care of my nephew who has autism?”
His relationship with his family is complicated.
“Hi, I (20M) made this account to ask if I am being an a**hole or not on an unbias platform.”
“My uncle (52M), who I was really close to, recently died in a car crash. My aunt (49F), who I don’t talk to, is going through many problems especially since my uncle was the breadwinner of the house and she was a SAHM for her autistic child (15M).”
“My aunt asked me a few hours ago if my cousin could live with me for a few weeks while she tries to look for a good paying job, I politely declined due to how my cousin acts towards me.”
“He is always complaining about me even when I try to help him and always cries to my aunt about me ‘hurting’ him or yelling at him. I know he has autism so I try to be gentle and kind to him but he continuously makes fun of me for things like how short I am which he knows is something I’m insecure about.”
“Still I try ignore it because of his autism.”
“She asked me because I live by myself in an apartment though it only has 1 bed and toilet. Money won’t be too much of a problem because its only for about a month but I will have to scale down my spending pretty significantly.”
“When my parents found out that I refused to take in my cousin they started berating me about taking him in and how I should try to picture myself in my aunts position.”
“For the past hour I’ve received messages from relatives I didn’t know exist telling me that I’m being an ‘unreasonable a**hole’.”
“I do want to help my aunt because of how much I loved my uncle but I don’t want to be near her son, I offered to give her some money but she wanted to take then money AND have me take care of her son. I’m really torn between taking in my cousin or just telling her to ask someone else.”
“So AITA here? (If I am I will take my cousin in and apologize)”
Users of the AITA subReddit judge posters based on their reactions in their story.
This is done by including one of the following in their comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP has a negative history with his cousin and probably wouldn’t handle living with him well.
While it’s a difficult position, OP shouldn’t feel guilty for saying no.
“NTA. If all these relatives care so much about your aunts situation, why can’t they take in your cousin?” – imjusthereforaita
“Thanks for your response!”
“Same reason as me, they all pretty much hate him. My other uncle who genuinely cares lives in another country so he can’t take care of him.”
“As for my parents they say its not their job but rather its MY job to take care of him.” – UnspeakableActions (OP)
“Why is it your job? Your whole relationship with him consists of him being hostile and poking your insecurities while using his autism to deflect consequences.”
“In your place tensions will boil over within days, a week tops. Well, consequences have landed and you don’t need to do anything but refuse to have anything to do with it.” – ScorchieSong
“NTA! If it were asking you to watch him for a few hours that would be different, but at 20 years old you aren’t equipped to watch someone else’s special needs child and certainly shouldn’t be asked to.”
“Why does she need weeks to find a job? Yikes” – Responsible_Fact8474
“NTA”
“If you are in the US and your uncle worked, your aunt should qualify for survivor’s benefits for herself and child until that child turns 18.”
“That will give her time to get her affairs in order and not have to be in such a hurry to find a job.”
“Good Luck” – QuinGood
Other commenters agreed that it wasn’t OP’s responsibility but also asked why no one else would help.
There were plenty of other family members to insult OP, but no one else to take in his cousin?
“INFO: Where are your parents in this picture? Do they have more kids at home? Are you in school? Have a full time job?”
“Why is the whole family insistent that it has to be you?” – FunAvocado1981
“I’m an only child and currently studying at university with 2 part-time jobs that pay for tuition. My aunt asked me first because she knew that no-one else would accept and since she asked me my family thinks its my responsibility which I guess it could be.” – UnspeakableActions (OP)
“Your plate is already full then. Remind your aunt you have school and 2 jobs and you aren’t home enough to properly supervise him.” – HarlesBronson
“Yeah that adds a lot of clarity. Definitely NTA. You working 2 part time jobs and paying for your own school, it’s completely unreasonable to ask you to be caregiver basically for a 15 year old.”
“Since you are an only child and have now moved out, why don’t your parents take him in?” – FunAvocado1981
OP can rest easy knowing he isn’t wrong to decline his aunt’s request. But that doesn’t mean he’s off the hook with his family.
That said, maybe his parents would be better suited to take in his cousin.