Most of us want to be as supportive as possible when our parents re-enter the dating pool. But what if your parent started dating someone who looked exactly like you?
A guy on Reddit found himself in exactly this awkward situation when his mom began dating a man who was essentially his look-alike.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by doppleganger4mom on the site, wasn’t sure whether he should say something, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input on his hypothetical WIBTA (Would I Be The A**hole) situation.
OP asked:
“WIBTA if I pointed out that my mom’s new boyfriend is basically my doppelgänger?”
He explained:
“My parents divorced 8 years ago and my mother remained single up until recently. She met a guy (let’s call him ‘Dan’) through her new next door neighbors.”
“I live in a different state and recently went back home for a week long visit, where I was officially introduced to Dan. I knew my mom had been dating this guy and I had said hello a few times on the phone, however this was my first time actually seeing him. My mom is pretty old school so no social media, no FaceTime, etc. and she never sent any photos of him.”
“I was pretty much speechless when my mom introduced us because he looks almost exactly like me, but older. Like I cannot stress enough how much we look alike. I have never met or seen anyone that I have resembled as much as I do him.”
“He and I share more features than I share with my own father. I also feel it’s important to add that my dad is my biological dad, confirmed through 23andme a few years back. So this all seems to be a freakish coincidence.”
“During my visit, my mom was extremely lovey dovey with Dan. Constant pecking on the lips, sitting on his lap, telling him how handsome he is, and I even overheard her on the phone with a friend where she mentioned how Dan is ‘so sexy and great in the bedroom’. I felt so disturbed because of how eerily similar he and I look.”
“My girlfriend accompanied me on this trip and agrees that the fact that we look alike is really weird. My mom seems happy but it makes me really uncomfortable that she’s dating a guy that looks just like her son but older. I don’t want to be a dick because Dan seems like a nice guy but it makes me feel really awkward.”
“I haven’t said anything to my mom and she hasn’t acknowledged that we basically look like twins, but there’s no way that anyone wouldn’t notice. I don’t resemble my father very much, so I don’t think it’s that my mom goes for a certain type of guy. For example, I have dark hair and green eyes and so does Dan. My dad is blonde with blue eyes.”
“WIBTA if I told her that it makes me uncomfortable that her boyfriend is my doppelgänger?”
People on Reddit were then asked to evaluate OP’s actions in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And everyone seemed to agree that OP should probably just let this one go and let his mom be happy in her new relationship.
“YWBTA [You Would Be The A**hole] if you mentioned the similarities in your appearances to her. What do you hope to accomplish by doing that? Weirding her out? Getting her to break up with him? If she’s happy, it shouldn’t matter. This shouldn’t affect you in any way.” —SuspiciousAdverts
“NAH as long as OP doesn’t ‘confront’ his mom about it. She is happy. Let her be. To ruin that because of his looks would be an AH move.” —Electrical-Date-3951
“YWBTA”
“Talk to your GF about it? Totally fine.”
“Therapist? Go nuts.”
“Anyone who might tell your mom or your mom? AH.”
“That conversation could accomplish nothing of value other than to tarnish her happiness. You’d be accusing her of sexualizing you. I can’t think of any other way to interpret that from her side.” —Sepher32
“OP can speak outwardly to his circles but should not speak inwardly to his mom about this. It would accomplish nothing except making his mother uncomfortable.” —EmergencySh*t
“Oedipus complex in reverse?”
“That aside, then… You live in a different state; you don’t see your mom (and, presumably, Dan) very often. Aside from lurking to overhear her phone calls, you don’t seem to have too much invested. So…”
“Grow a beard, or shave yours off, whichever is appropriate. Because…”
“Yeah. If you said anything, you definitely WBTA” —cambridge_ax
“YWBTA”
“She’s in a realtionship she enjoys and because of your own weird hangups you wanna ruin that.” —SnellyGreen
“YWBTA”
“I completely see how that would make you uncomfortable, but honestly your mom probably does not realize you guys look a like. In her mind she probably does not really see any resemblance between you two.”
“If you point it out to her, she’ll never be able to unsee it. What does that accomplish? Unless your goal is to break them, up don’t tell her.” —Liquidcatz
“YWBTA. Your mom is finally happy, don’t ruin this for her. She probably doesn’t even see it and doesn’t realize you look similar. She sees Dan as sexy but doesn’t think of her child that way when now that you’re grown.”
“If you say something, she will know you are uncomfortable but she won’t break up with him without a good reason, so why say anything? It will just make it weird and ruin her happiness. Some people look similar, big deal.” –Raven3131
“YWBTA.”
“You are hoping that conversation will help you feel better. Have you thought about how the conversation will make your mum feel? What if she ends the first romantic relationship she’s had in 8 years because of that conversation?”
“Would you be happy with that consequence? Because it’s a possibility that you need to factor into your decision and weigh against whatever benefit you hope to achieve.”
My advice is, get over it. You’re not the only person in the world that looks like you, and you hardly ever see them. I know it’s gross to watch your mum getting sexy with a dude (my parents divorced when I was 8), but you’re an adult. Deal with your issues yourself, don’t project them onto your mum.” —Naive_Pay_7066
Hopefully OP can find a way to look past this awkward situation.