We all understand how hard it is to have a lot of commitments and not necessarily being able to move our schedule around to meet all of them.
That doesn’t get any easier when someone in the home is pregnant, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor throwa53576 was angry with her husband for having a work schedule that was too full to be able to attend all of her doctor’s appointments during her pregnancy.
When she lashed out at him for missing an appointment, the Original Poster (OP) felt overwhelmed when he said he still needed to make a living.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my husband that his absence from the doctor’s office shows what kind of dad he will be?”
The OP wasn’t convinced her husband was involved enough in her pregnancy.
“My husband (32 Male) and I (28 Female) are expecting our first baby together. I’m 4 months along in my pregnancy and I regularly go to the doctor’s office for checkups.”
“My husband comes with me often times but he recently started working a full-time job that requires him to cover night shifts.”
“I noticed him no longer taking part in my pregnancy.”
“Like this one time, when he had his brother bring me OTC (over-the-counter) medication because he couldn’t get off work and come deal with my nausea.”
“I told him about the doctor’s appointment on Monday, and he said he won’t guarantee that he’d come, but I told him he needed to.”
But she was more frustrated than usual after her latest doctor’s appointment.
“On the day of the appointment, he called me, saying he was stuck at his work and couldn’t leave and go with me.”
“I had an argument with him, and he said it was just a follow-up so it’s fine if he missed it.”
“He then suggested I take my mom with me.”
“I hung up because I was so mad at him and felt like his baby isn’t a priority when it comes to his work.”
This turned into an argument later.
“I went to the appointment with my mom, and after I got home, I called him and told him that his absence from the doctor’s office today shows just what kind of dad he will be.”
“He got offended and said what I said was not cool. He then went on about how unfair of me it was to judge him off of a one-time thing and offend him as a father.”
“He then started cold-shouldering me, saying I hurt his feelings and made him look like a neglectful dad over missing a follow-up appointment because he was trying to make a living for the family.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was being far too harsh on her hard-working husband.
“YTA, big time.”
“It shows the kind of dad he will be? Do you mean the kind of dad who does whatever he can to keep a roof over your child’s head, clothes on your child’s back, and food on your child’s plate?”
“To make sure you have enough money to be able to afford presents for your child’s birthday, to make sure you can afford diapers, formula (if needed), and all of the other things that come with being a new parent?”
“What a jerk he sounds like… trying to earn a living so he can provide you and your child a decent life. The nerve…” – Davi_323
“YTA. Your husband is working to support you and the baby- do you have a job? What would happen if he got fired for leaving every time you felt nauseated?”
“Your husband isn’t leaving you in the lurch, he got you the meds and it’s not a critical appointment. Let him save his emergency days for when you and the baby really need his help. Missing one appointment for work does not a neglectful father make.” – Fianna9
“As a fellow pregnant woman, YTA.”
“He is trying to provide for you, working his a** off, and won’t be able to take time off willy-nilly for every little appointment.”
“You then proceeded to accuse him of being a terrible father before the baby is even born as a guilt-trip tactic. In my relationship, personal attacks are a straight-up deal-breaker.”
“It’s understandable you are emotional and hormonal, but that doesn’t give you the right to be terrible to him.”
“If this is a regular thing, maybe you should talk to your doctor about perinatal depression and address that before you justifiably end up being a single mom.” – HotCheeks_PCT
“YTA and did you stop to consider the fact that maybe he’s trying to work his ass off now, get a good reputation now, make a good relationship with his supervisors now, so that when the baby comes, he may be able to have more flexibility in his schedule?”
“Jesus f**king Ch**t, you’re p**sed that HE didn’t bring you meds, but sent someone else? He made sure you had what you needed, but nope, that’s not enough for you.” – XStonedCatX
“YTA. You’re missing one major thing, and that’s putting yourself in his shoes. He’s working odd hours to provide, and then you’re complaining that he’s not there?”
“The comment you made was very underhanded, and cruel. I hope you are able to comprehend where he’s coming from and understand how hurtful your words were, and apologize.”
“I understand you’re pregnant, but that’s not an excuse for your behavior.” – katminte
“YTA he’s working! Not making it to every appointment or running to help you because you’re being sick (common with pregnancy and not a major issue).”
“I’ve had 2 children myself sickness sucks (I threw up most of the pregnancy with my second) but you’re an adult, not a toddler, and you don’t need someone to hold your hand for you. He still got you your medication even while working by sending his brother.”
“You’re pregnant, not dying. Get your s**t together and stop being cruel to the man working his a** off to provide for you and your child. Stop expecting him to take time off to attend every little appointment and stop acting like a spoilt child.”
“You’re about to become a mother, for crying out loud.” – Anewstageinlife
Others thought this was more of a reflection of the kind of mother the OP would be.
“YTA. You want him to just leave work whenever you need him to? When it’s a new job and he’s taking extra shifts?”
“To use your own logic against you, this really shows what kind of mom you’ll be, that you’re gonna expect everyone to make you their first priority (your kid included) and that you’ll weaponize the kid against your husband just to get your way.”
“Maybe it’s the hormones making you overreact (and I say this as someone who is also several months pregnant) but you need to apologize to your husband. He’s clearly doing his best and you’re not making it easy.” – avilak90
“‘AITA for telling my husband he’s going to be a bad dad for not dropping his job to be with me for a doctor’s appointment?’ Yes, YTA.”
“He’s trying his best to balance out a job with extra hours so he can keep a roof over the family’s head and this is how you say ‘thank you’?”
“This post tells us what kind of wife you are and what kind of a marriage this might be if you don’t knock this off and apologize.” – Appropriate_Pickle94
“YTA. Sorry. I can imagine it’s tough and all the pregnancy hormones are not helping.”
“However… your pregnancy won’t make the rest of the world stop. He will still have work and can’t leave because you have an appointment.”
“Look at it this way, how would you feel if he had said your mad reaction shows what kind of mom you would be?” – Emotional_Answer_319
“YTA. Do you even work? He’s not missing appointments to play golf, he’s working to provide for you and his child.”
“Being pregnant doesn’t make it ok to be selfish and entitled, which is what you are being.”
“If he takes off of work a lot just to accommodate your appointment and his job fires him, what will you do then?”
“I’m going to end it here because I could say a few things about what this shows about the kind of mother you will be. But pregnant women are sensitive, so I’ll keep it to myself.” – HighElf_Queen_Jen
“YTA. If he’s not working, who will help you pay for the baby? He’s not leaving you unable to go at all and he’s suggested or provided other people for support for you. His job may not give him off for every single one of YOUR medical appointments.”
“You’re showing what kind of partner you are more than he’s showing what kind of father he’ll be.” – Troseee
“YTA, and the fact that you expected your husband to duck out of work to bring you over-the-counter (OTC) medication for your nausea when he just started a brand new job makes me wonder if you know how employment works AT ALL, or if you just have some kind of weird desire to be broke and homeless with a new baby.”
“And the worst part is that he didn’t even make you get your own meds, he sent his brother to get them for you and you’re STILL resentful? He literally DID take care of you, even when he had to work.”
“People cannot just walk out of work anytime they want to do things. Not even things that you think are important. Not even husband or dad things, if they aren’t full-on emergencies. That is literally how you get fired… and even faster if it’s a new job, where you have no seniority and haven’t proven yet that you are reliable and an asset to the company.”
“The greatest irony of all is that your husband IS proving that he’s going to be a great dad: he’s showing that he’s very responsible, that he knows how to prioritize the thing that is going to keep a roof over your head and food on the table and pay your bills and allow him to be there for you when there are REAL emergencies.”
“That you are coming after him for not being able to be there for every single appointment, or for not leaving work to buy you OTC meds because you’re nauseated? Wow. It makes me think that you’re either a teen mom or have literally never held a job in your life, because it absolutely reeks of immaturity and self-centeredness, and completely irrational expectations. YTA, big time.” – FoolMe1nceShameOnU
The subReddit was unanimously against the OP on this one, but not because she was upset her husband could not attend the appointment. In an ideal world, all parents could be at every appointment.
But they were incredibly unhappy with her for her accusations against him and what his work schedule said about his commitment to fatherhood. The subReddit felt, on the contrary, that his work schedule was a positive commentary.