Breastfeeding is a controversial issue.
It’s also one of the most natural things in life.
So why can’t common ground be found?
Should women breastfeed in public?
Case in point…
Redditor GeekedTeddyBear wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for giving my sister permission to breastfeed openly in my house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I (40 M[ale] & 36 F[emale]) have two children (7 F&13 M) and have been married for 14 years.”
“My youngest sister (25 F), her fiancé (27. M), and their newborn daughter recently moved into town.”
“However, their new place wasn’t going to be ready until a week after her fiancé was supposed to start his new job.”
“So, my husband and I let them stay with us rather than spend the little money they have on a hotel.”
“My sister also helped look after the kids while my husband and I were at work or out for free.”
“And her fiancé even helped my son fix his computer which was very kind of both of them.”
“Around the second day that my sister’s family was staying with us, I noticed that she would leave the room every time that she had to feed my niece.”
“I told her that it wasn’t a problem if she breastfed in common areas of the house, so long as she felt okay.”
“My sister was nervous at first but as time went on, she got more comfortable around the house.”
“Keep in mind that she was being more modest than I was when I breastfed my children.”
“And she only did it when it was, for example, us and my daughter in the room, or her fiancé and me.”
“But even when my son walked in one time he didn’t notice because she was being so discreet.”
“To be honest, he cares more about getting to hold the baby than anything my sister does.”
“When my husband came home that day, he saw her feeding the baby and his face turned red, and he looked at me to do something.”
“As soon as she noticed, my sister apologized and left the room.”
“He then asked me to either tell my sister not to breatfeed in the open like she was doing or to ask her to cover up if she did.”
“Because he thought it was inappropriate and creepy to do in front of our son given his age.”
“I explained the situation, and told him that if there were any problems, I would talk to our son.”
“If anything this is a good opportunity to talk to him about being respectful of women’s bodies, something his father was clearly having a hard time doing.”
“He raised his voice and told me that this shouldn’t have been a choice that I made on my own and that my sister and I were both being inconsiderate towards him and my son.”
“He said that while there isn’t anything wrong with my sister feeding her daughter, that our teenage son is probably ‘sensitive to pretty girls’ like my sister.”
“And that whether we like it or not our son is going to sexualize her boobs.”
“I called the way he was objectifying my sister disgusting and that we aren’t going to raise our kids that way.”
“He stormed out of the room and until now he hasn’t said a word about it.”
“However, even after I apologized to my sister about the ordeal, she said that she would rather just stay in the guest room to feed her baby because she doesn’t want to step on any toes.”
“I’m incredibly mad about this.”
“While I can appreciate where my husband is coming from with the points he made, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to allow a new mom to feed her baby wherever.”
“And he honestly grossed me out with how he talked about my sister.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Anyone who refers to an adult woman breastfeeding her baby as a pretty girl immediately becomes the AH for objectification.”
“Your husband needs to stop thinking of women as amalgamations of body parts and instead practice seeing them as people.”
“Your son seems more mature than your husband at this point. NTA.” ~ Huntress_of_the_Moon
“Yes, exactly.”
“He was being disgusting and I wouldn’t blame you if you had trouble having sex with him. Because misogyny makes women feel unsafe.”
“By saying this disgusting stuff, he made his own wife feel unsafe in her home.”
“A couple of points that I feel are important to make…”
“1) Your very own son who is the focal point of this argument breastfed when he was a baby.”
“If he hasn’t learned to respect breastfeeding, he should, because it is the literal reason why he is alive.”
“Tell your husband you didn’t make the sacrifice to breastfeed both your kids just so they could disrespect breastfeeding mothers when they grew up.”
“That’s bull crap.”
“2) Well adjusted teenagers do not lust after their own aunts. That is truly gross.”
“This is clearly your husband who is turned on by your breastfeeding sister.”
“And who has decided to take his pants feelings out on her, his son, and you, instead of dealing with them himself.”
“And guess what? It’s EASY to deal with pants feelings yourself!”
“You just have to do nothing.”
“What do you do when you are married and another woman is sexy in front of you? NOTHING.”
“Because it’s not her problem. It’s your problem. Do nothing.”
“Yet again I’ll make the point that your son is not lusting after his own aunt… pukes forever and ever.”
“3) Your sister is allowed to breastfeed in malls, restaurants, concerts, libraries, in line at the grocery story, WHEREVER SHE WANTS.”
“What on earth makes his living room so special?”
“4) Are you going to teach your son that if he doesn’t like seeing part of a woman’s body, he is entitled as a man to KICK HER OUT OF THE ROOM?!”
“So that he can man around in that room, unencumbered by the unwanted lady body part?”
“Or are you going to teach your son to be respectful of women and mothers and their bodies?”
“5) You tell your husband that if he can’t adjust his attitude real quick to being respectful of mothers.”
“You are going to know for a fact that he does not respect YOU.”
“Ask him how much he thinks you are attracted to disrespect, misogyny, and control?” ~ Agreeable-Celery811
“Does her husband feel ‘ooky’ when walking past the advertisements for Victoria’s Secret?”
“8 foot tall chest photos of skimpy, lacy bras and panties?”
“If not, he’s sexualizing your sister. It’s HIS problem.”
“Not yours, the breastfeeding mother or your son’s problem.”
“He is behaving in a misogynistic and antiquated way.”
“If he had no problem with you breastfeeding HIS children, then he’s way out of line here. NTA.” ~ kimtpring
“NTA but your husband’s attitude is.”
“If they sexualize her breastfeeding then that’s their problem, not you or your sisters.”
“She’s feeding a baby ffs, not trying to seduce the boys in your home.”
“Her being attractive shouldn’t matter.”
“It’s your home too and if they’re uncomfortable with it, then they should leave the room instead of your sister.” ~ ToughAd7278
“NTA. Your husband is though.”
“I’m honestly so disgusted at the thought of him thinking so little of your son that he assumed your son would be attracted to his aunt because she was feeding her child.”
“How awful.”
“Breastfeeding is so natural and I do think it’s the perfect chance to talk to your son about women’s bodies.”
“You certainly wouldn’t want him growing up to be such a misogynist, the way your husband is behaving.” ~ EleckyTrekkie
“NTA. Your husband might be slightly attracted to your sister and angry because of it.”
“The only person in your situation who sexualized your sister is your husband.”
“I hope you can talk to him and help him process his own emotions and behavior.”
“Wouldn’t hurt to check with 13 son and make sure there is or isn’t a discussion that is needed.”
“It might help your husband.” ~ sjohnson7645
“NTA. Your husband needs to grow the f**k up and stop seeing woman’s bodies as his playthings.”
“He has no valid points and should be ashamed.”
“If I were you, I would withhold sex until he learns than bodies don’t exist first and foremost for him to play with.”
“If your son is uncomfortable, it’s will be because your husband is making a woman’s body out to be a shameful thing.” ~ Noelle_Xandria
“NTA. And if your husband can’t be around a breastfeeding woman without sexualizing her then that’s a him problem.
“Ok if it was me and my sister, I’d make it MY problem but that’s likely an AH thing on my part.” ~ raksha25
Well OP, you certainly have a situation on your hands.
It sounds like you and your husband might need a serious sit down with a therapist.
Reddit is here and listening.
Good luck.