Squabbles within a marriage are normal.
But certain circumstances can lead to some very dark situations.
When spouses start doing seemingly underhanded actions toward one another, it maybe time for some evaluation.
Case in point…
Redditor Walls_Windows1376 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for still going to my sister’s wedding after my husband canceled my plane ticket?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Here’s the situation.”
“My husband [36] and I [30] have 3 kids [2, 4, 7].”
“I’m a S[tay] a[t] H[ome] M[om] (full time) and I take care of the kids while my husband works (full time).”
“My sister’s wedding was last week.”
“We live hours away which is an issue for my husband.”
“When we first got the invite he told me that he wasn’t going, that he will stay for the kids and suggested I do the same.”
“Since the wedding doesn’t allow kids and my husband doesn’t want to hire a babysitter after the one we had robbed us.”
“We had gone back and forth on this.”
“But I insisted on going since that’s my only sister and I want to attend what might be a once in a lifetime event for her.”
“He chuckled at my statetment, then we stopped talking about it.”
“As the wedding was approaching, he brought it up and told me to miss it and stay with the kids.”
“I suggested that since no babysitters were allowed then, I could get my friend to stay with the kids but he refused.”
“I ignored him, spoke to my friend who agreed to watch the kids and booked a ticket to travel to my sister’s town in time.”
“My husband found out and went on about how he had work.”
“And that the most logical solution is that I stay home with the kids and let him make his living.”
“I told him that I already took care of the kids and they’ll stay with my friend.”
“Honestly? I grew impatient.”
“The day of my flight I dropped the kids off at my friend’s place then headed to the airport.”
“I found out he had canceled my plane ticket.”
“I was upset but still insisted on going so I went home and got into my car and drove 4hrs to get to the town.”
“At 5pm. My husband called and was freaking out on me asking where I was.”
“I told him I made it to my sister’s town and he blew up saying I wasn’t supposed to go.”
“Even said he canceled my ticket to get me to stay.”
“He demanded I return but I said not until the wedding was over.”
“He called me horrible, a neglectful mom then had his mom scold me and accuse me of abandoning my own kids.”
“There was a huge argument ensued when I returned home and my husband kept on saying I was horrible to leave the kids and to ignore him like that and do what I wanted eventually.”
“He’s giving me the silent treatment as of now and I can no longer take it.”
“I felt guilty and did NOT enjoy the wedding AT ALL.
“My husband dislikes my sister if it’s relevant.”
“Was I wrong for still going? AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Financial abuse? Yup Isolating you from loved ones?”
“Yup Controlling behavior? Yup.”
“NTA and please leave the AH (he should be required to give you child support and alimony).”
“You are not neglectful, your kids were taken care of.” ~ waywardjynx
“Do you have confirmation that the babysitter actually robbed you?”
“Based on how manipulative he is canceling your ticket, I wouldn’t put it past him to frame your babysitter as an excuse to never hire another one again, so that he can keep you trapped in your home.” ~ RedditUser123234
“How about he made up being robbed or took whatever is missing himself to make it look like the sitter stole… then he declares that no sitters are allowed forcing OP to be trapped.”
“There’s no way in hell that my husband would tell me I could not go to my sibling’s wedding or anywhere else.”
“Birth control… do not get pregnant again… which he will want as the youngest gets older and he feels you are getting too independent.”
“Start looking for a way out so you are ready when the time comes… and rest assured, it will.” ~ Realistic-Animator-3
“Start making plans on how to exit safely.”
“Look into resources on coercive control.”
“Controlling people will isolate their victims, maintain financial control, and steadily remove connections to the outside world.”
“Your friend that is helping you now is likely next on his list to isolate you from.”
“Whether or not a babysitter actually robbed you saying ‘no babysitters of any kind ever again’ is an unreasonable response.”
“I say to be careful because when a controlling abuser feels like their control is slipping is the time they are most likely to become violent.”
“It may not be to you, it could be threats to a pet or your children but be on the lookout.”
“Trust your instincts.”
“I hope you can get yourself and your children in a better situation soon.” ~ Grey_Mare
OP had some thoughts…
“Thank you so much!”
“The childcare arrangement issue has been making my life ×10 harder.”
“After that babysitter robbed us, my husband decided that no babysitter is allowed into our home anymore.”
“I disagreed because of how illogical his decision was and now look at how much we’re struggling.”
“I’M struggling actually without outside help.”
“Thank God for my friend! She’s like a sister to me.”
Reddit continued…
“Honey you are in an extremely abusive relationship!”
“Please get out for your children’s sake if not for your sake!”
“You’re setting them up to view how a relationship should not be but for them, they will think it’s normal and the cycle of abuse will continue.”
“Start getting your ducks in a row and moving in the shadows to get yourself and your children ready to go!”
“Talk to your family and friends and get their support. You can do this!”
“And there’s no way he would ever be able to take those kids from you when he contributes nothing to their upbringing.”
“Document everything and get out!” ~ 19ManadaPanda91
“NTA. He’s awful, it’s ridiculous to suggest you miss the wedding as there were obviously childcare solutions and to cancel the ticket is super abusive.”
‘I can’t see how this doesn’t cause massive damage to your relationship, he’s ridiculously controlling.” ~ thejackalreborn
“Why is he trying so hard to isolate you from someone you love?”
“Repeatedly insisting you not go is bad enough, but canceling your ticket is out of bounds.”
“Verbally abusing you and sending his mother to verbally abuse you just because you want to see your sister’s wedding is gross.”
“You were right to go, and if I were you, I would reconsider whether I wanted to stay married to a man who is this controlling- and a man who sends his mummy to threaten you just for wanting to go to your sister’s wedding.”
NTA but seriously, consider hard whether this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
“I know I wouldn’t.” ~ Melmoth_Milton
“NTA. I like that you did what you had to do to be there for your sister.”
“It’s just a shame you didn’t enjoy her wedding though.”
“I’m glad you didn’t let your husband’s tactics stop you.”
“I think you should take the silent treatment as the gift it is, since most of the talking he did in your post was dismissive of you and your feelings.” ~ jammy913
“NTA girl run.”
“Pack your kids up and leave.”
“You husband is emotionally and financially abusing you.”
“He is a bully and when he didn’t get his way he had his mommy call and bully you.”
“This behavior is not ok.”
“Please get away from his gaslighting and toxic behavior.” ~ Lonely_Shelter_4744
“NTA but open your eyes.”
“You’re in an abusive relationship.”
“You need to get yourself and the kids out now.”
“You would be the a-hole to yourself and the kids if you stay.” ~ acer64
OP came back with some details…
“So a lot of people on here brought up the possibility of my husband lying about the robbery that happened months ago and accusing the babysitter of stealing just so I can’t hire any other babysitters.”
“He was the one who discovered the ‘robbery’ I never saw or talked her after he kicked her out.”
“Upon reading the comments I’m now suspecting that he made this whole thing up.”
“I’m going to contact the babysitter to get the whole story from her.”
“Hopefully I’m wrong but I will talk to her and see if her story contradicts his in any way.”
“I’ll keep you updated.”
OP… Reddit is on your side and very concerned.
Hopefully, you and your husband can come to an understanding without things taking a turn.
It sounds like it’s time for some therapy and soul-searching.
Good luck.