Praise is a wonderful thing.
Feeling appreciated or applauded by the people you care about can be fantastic.
What happens, though, when that praise has to be shared and not everyone is in a giving mood?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) helomyo when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for announcing my pregnancy immediately after my sister?”
OP began with recent difficulties.
“My husband and I have been trying for our second baby for two and a half years.”
“We lost 2 pregnancies during that time, though we only told our families about the first.”
“I’m incredibly grateful to be now 13 weeks pregnant and have been looking forward to sharing that news with my family.”
“On Friday, we had dinner with my family – my sister, her boyfriend, and our parents – and we decided to share our news then.”
“I decided to wait until dessert so that we could leave shortly after telling everyone.”
“Obviously, it’s exciting news, but I was worried about all the emotions that could surface for myself and my husband.”
“Right after we sat down to eat, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are expecting their first child.”
“I was thrilled for her and congratulated her, as did the rest of the family.”
“Once things had settled down, I didn’t want to waste the opportunity to have everyone together and thought it would be a good opportunity to keep the joy flowing, so I shared that I’m pregnant as well.”
“Our parents were so excited to be having two new grandbabies just a month apart, and I was super happy that my kids would have a new cousin.”
“My sister was happy for me, but she left very soon after dinner and didn’t stay for dessert.”
Everything was fantastic until…
“She called me this afternoon and told me that as happy as she was for me, she felt that I’d done a sh*tty thing by taking away ‘her moment.'”
“She pointed out that this is my second baby, and when I announced for the first time, I didn’t have to ‘share’ with anyone.”
“I didn’t want to apologize because I didn’t feel I’d done anything wrong, but she finished out the phone call by saying that she didn’t think I was really even happy for her if I couldn’t have let her have that moment and taken another for myself later on.”
“That really stung.”
“I truly didn’t see it that way.”
“I saw it as sharing joy, not stealing it.”
“I also see each pregnancy as being unique, so I don’t feel that it was right of her to say I shouldn’t have said anything because it was my second baby.”
“Honestly, I think she might be kind of hormonal.”
“But I also want to understand my sister, and I know I’m not going to get anywhere asking her about it.”
“So, I want to be enlightened.”
OP was left to wonder,
“AITA for announcing my pregnancy immediately after my sister?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
The comments section was conflicted.
“YTA.”
“You could have let her have her moment, too. It clearly meant something to her. It doesn’t matter how things should be announced. What matters is someone you love is hurt.” ~ boohooluluu
“YTA, for exactly what she said.”
“You could have waited for a different day, and I don’t think it is bad that she wanted to be in the spotlight a little bit.”
“Like she said, it was her first baby, and she wanted people to be happy that they are having a kid. With that said, disregarding her emotions as her just being hormonal is kinda mean.” ~ zepprith
“YTA for reducing your sister’s feelings to ‘she might be kinda hormonal.'”
“That’s very dismissive, and uh… you have the same hormones going on right now too.”
“Announcing right after your sister wasn’t the worst thing… but it would have been much more considerate to wait at least a day.”
“Let her have her one night of feeling special. Have a family dinner the next weekend and announce.” ~ Stan_of_Cleeves
“YTA”
“I would have started with ESH, but you dismissing her feelings because ‘she’s hormonal’ is very petty. You got the same thing going, and it’s shunned if a man says it.”
“We all perceive these celebrations differently.”
“For my brother’s wife, she didn’t want a baby shower because she thought it was stupid, and for my wife, we couldn’t have one because of COVID, and she cried like a lot,”
“Felt like a special moment was robbed from her.”
“You can’t judge how it impacts your sister because you don’t necessarily value these things the same.”
“It’s like if someone pops the question and right after they are done you turn around and pop the question also, it cast a shadow on the first one, steals their thunder.”
“You got nine months to find another date to announce it. I know you didn’t want to be a d*ck. You thought it was harmless and just more joy to add, but you wrongly read how others would react.”
“Go and apologize. Keeping on good terms with family is more important than your ego” ~ Darkchick3n
The allure of the spotlight.
“‘YTA, for exactly what she said. You could have waited for a different day, and I don’t think it is bad that she wanted to be in the spotlight a little bit.”‘
“Good lord. What is it with ‘the spotlight?’ We’ve extended the bridezilla to the ‘pregancyannouncementzilla.'”
“You don’t get a ‘special day in the spotlight’ for telling people you’re pregnant.” ~ wirelesstrainer
“Yeah, this whole ‘I’m the main character’ crap is getting old.”
“OP intended to tell her family that night, but her sister beat her to the punch.”
“Two people had good news to share, and the sister is being ridiculous. OP could have said her sister stole her moment, too.” ~ SparklyRoniPony
“Agreed!”
“The engagement is yours, and the bridal shower is yours, the bachelorette party is yours, the rehearsal dinner is yours, the wedding day is yours, the pregnancy announcement is yours, the gender reveal is yours, the birth is yours, etc. into infinity.”
“How about we let some time pass on the calendar between non-stop It’s All About Me Days?”
“It’s getting a little ridiculous.” ~ LaneyLivingood
Maybe OP wasn’t the bad guy?
“I’m going to go against most here to say NTA.”
“I don’t get a lot of the insanity regarding pregnancy announcements, the family was all together, and you both had good news, especially you after having two miscarriages.”
“Good grief, why do people get so weird when comes to these things?”
“Even if you had waited to announce it the next day, she likely would have gotten her nose out of joint. I don’t doubt that one bit.”
“And the crack about you already having a kid…that shouldn’t matter.”
“LOL my mum got pregnant with me, her brother’s wife, and my dad’s brother’s wife all at the same time.”
“Announcements came pretty much all at once (I was the first of the three to be born, and I just asked mum about how she felt about all the announcements made together).”
“Mum was over the moon for everyone and didn’t care about having her moment, whatever that was supposed to mean, shared with her two sisters-in-law.”
“I don’t even find your comment about her being hormonal that bad. After her crack about you already having a kid, after you having at least one miscarriage, she knew about was out of line.”
“So, nope, don’t think you did anything wrong. Congrats on the new bambino/bambina and ignore sis.”
“She was being ridiculous.” ~ TerBear666
“NTA she announced, and so did you. You didn’t do it “to her,” you just announced to the family. Your sister is incredibly self-centered and immature to react this way and make a fight out of it.” ~ Jmm1272
Commenters discussed the nature of apologies.
“So OP here’s the real truth: it doesn’t actually matter ‘who’s the a**hole,’ because that’s going to be an inherently subjective matter that depends on your personal views of how pregnancy announcements should go.”
“What’s important here is that your sister is upset, and you don’t have to understand why. so swallow your pride and apologize to her.” ~ Marijuanamamaxo
“Don’t feel like she should be apologizing. If OP would have said it 1st. Sister still would have been mad.” ~ classy-chaos
“I’m flummoxed that this topic has been overwhelmingly voted against OP and that OP should apologize.”
“Jeez.”
“One doesn’t sit and apologize for the sake of keeping the peace and placating someone else’s feelings because they got hurt by something that is, in their view, unjust.”
“The sister IS very immature. OP is the mature one here.”
“Yes, let’s all go around apologizing to people who have a miniature temper tantrum over something that is so trivial it is barely worth thinking about.”
“Ugh.” ~ TheNameofNad
OP did return for a geographical update.
“I’m visiting from Los Angeles, my sister lives in New Jersey, and our parents live in NYC.”
Clearly, this was a subject not everyone could agree on.
Good news should always be shared, but timing is everything.