The phrase ‘no is a complete answer’ is nearly synonymous with the consent conversation.
So, what happens when a child uses their manners, asks politely, and the answer is still no?
That was the issue facing a now deleted Redditor and Original Poster (OP) when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for not giving my niece my doll?”
A bit of backstory.
“I (23 female) have a hobby of collecting dolls, whether they are rare or popular toys like Bratz or barbie, Since I was young, I have always loved dolls, and I sometimes make my own dolls.”
“I have a huge collection of (barbie, Bratz, Monster High, and some old creepy dolls), and I am very proud of my collection, but I don’t like people touching or doing anything to my dolls.”
“Some of them are expensive and some are on the brink of collapsing so I like it when my dolls are not touched.”
“My niece and sister were over yesterday. My niece was wandering around my home while me and my sister talked and then I heard her squeak as she entered my doll’s room.”
“I don’t mind her entering, and she knows the rules to not touch the dolls unless I give them to her, she came back running to me and asked to play with a rare monster high doll I own (Djinni Whisp).”
“I was reluctant at first because it’s an expensive toy, but I decided she was old enough to know how to play with it carefully.”
The problem.
“After playing, she gave it back to me but then asked me if I could give it to her because it was so nice and different than her Barbie dolls.”
“I smiled but gently told her that I couldn’t do that since it was my toy. She got teary-eyed and looked at my sister and asked her if she could convince me.”
“My sister told her to go watch TV and after my niece left, my sister asked me if I could consider giving my niece the doll.”
“I told her it was a rare doll that was not cheap, and I was proud to own it, and I don’t want to give it away.”
“My sister told me it would be a rare moment between me and my niece if I gave her something I love so dearly and that my niece will remember that moment.”
“I politely declined again, and I told her I could think about giving my niece some of my other dolls that weren’t as rare or expensive as that one.”
“She told me I was being an a**hole and not giving up a toy at my grown age for my niece,I explained once again and I said my niece can choose another doll but not this one.”
“My sister said that my niece wanted it and it was really disappointing how I found plastic toys more important than my niece’s happiness just because they are ‘expensive,’ and then she left shortly after.”
“I got a text from both of my parents telling me it was kind of rude not to give a child a toy they asked politely for, and I was too grown to care about dolls,”
“I felt confident in my decision at first but now I am having doubts,”
“I love that doll and I really don’t wanna give her up, but at the same time, I don’t want to be mean to my niece, Idk, was I the a**hole for not giving her the doll?”
“Should I give it to her now to make up for it?”
OP was left to wonder,
AITA?
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Reality Bites
“NTA.”
“It’s a very bad quality to teach your child that they can go into someone’s home and ‘shop’ other people’s belongings.”
“Kids get hurt, kids don’t get everything they want, and that’s OK.”
“It’s nice when you can surprise them with something that they want if they’re behaving well but this whole situation reeks of entitlement and bad behavior on the part of your sister and parents.” ~ Zookeeper-007
‘”I find it hilarious that the sister thinks her child will remember the value of the doll and be forever grateful.'”
“Yeah… probably not.”
“Like, I had a Ferrari play car for my Barbies when I was a child.”
“Sibling and I were really careful with it because even though my parents didn’t live paycheck to paycheck, they had to be careful with their money.”
“I mean when seeing the movie Barbie,”
“Weird Barbie appeared in it (loved her in the film 😉 ), and yes, I know (and even as a kid I knew) the concept of weird Barbie, but because of my parents’ precarious financial situation, I nor my sibling ever deliberately destroyed a Barbie.”
“We were always careful.”
“We got older, and my aunt asked if her daughter could borrow the Barbies and accessories.”
“She would give them back once my cousin would grow out of it (my parents kept it all for for their potential future grandchildren or for occasions when family and/or friends visited with young children so that they could play).”
“Reluctantly, my parents allowed my aunt and cousin to borrow it.”
“It wasn’t even a month cousin got it that the mirrors of the Ferrari were gone, it was full of scratches, Barbies were bitten on, accessories were lost…”
“The ones we did get back after a couple of years went to a yard sale.”
“All this to say that most children do not know the value of things.”
“OP should just keep it and not feel pressured to give it to her little niece. Niece (and OP’s sister as well!) should learn that she is not entitled to everything. It’s a good life lesson, even!” ~ AhniJetal
But it was a polite demand!
“NTA. Kids need to learn to take “no” for an answer. Just asking for something doesn’t entitle them to get it.”
“But make sure the door is locked when/if they come over again.” ~ Crazy-4-Conures
“NTA.”
“Asking politely doesn’t entitle her to someone else’s stuff. You aren’t rude for keeping your own possessions.” ~ Competitive_Garage59
“The can you convince her really got me. This should have been a teachable moment instead of one teaching entitlement. NTA” ~ Traveler691
A complete sentence.
“No means no!”
“If the child has to look at another person and say, ‘can you convince them?'”
“Then you really need to teach your child that once someone says no, that is the end of it.”
“Nothing wrong with asking why they said no. But don’t be expecting them to just change their mind because you want them to.”
“I feel like the adult in this case also wasn’t taught this stuff.”
“The number of people I know who ask something of me, I say no, and yet should be the end of conversation till they spend a good 20-30 minutes explaining, convincing, begging for me to change my mind even after giving them a valid reason as to why I can’t.”
“If I keep saying no, they throw out the guilt trip card, or just insult you. Fully grown adults!”
“The example I was thinking off was someone wanting a lift to and from work that would be an 1.5 hour drive in total and would have only got £5 back from them as “I could give you £2.50 as that is how much the bus costs but I’m being nice” after dropping them off at every shift for 2 months.”
“Finally said no and well now we don’t talk 😂”
“Ps the bus costs £2.50 for a child all-day ticket. Not an adult ticket so their example wasn’t even accurate 😂” ~ Chick3nugg3tt
“Exactly!”
“How rude.”
“Your family shouldn’t be putting you down for your interests.”
“It doesn’t matter what type of collection. No one should feel expected to receive something just because they asked.”
“I read about someone in a similar situation with rocks/minerals recently. They gave away a piece due to pressure and felt sad and regretted it.”
“Most children do not have the capacity to appreciate something valuable.”
“They don’t understand.”
“The collectible would just be a toy to them.”
“You (OP) were very kind to offer a substitute. You didn’t have to do that.”
“It’s very rude how your sister reacted. The child asking her mom to convince you just shows the level of understanding and appreciation – they’re entitled.”
“No means no, and the reason is a great lesson that could’ve been taught to the child instead of making you feel bad.”
“Take care!” ~ Fun-Land-7894
No is the shortest sentence I can think of.
It requires neither explanation nor rationalization and is the very heart of the consent conversations happening around bodily autonomy, sexuality, and gender.
While reasons are often appreciated, and terms or boundaries can be set, they aren’t necessary for the word to still carry its full weight.
No means no.