Redditor Weird_Bug_5080 is on the autism spectrum and recently found out she will be an aunt.
The Original Poster (OP) was excited to hear her sister and brother-in-law were expecting, but in her excitement, she neglected to say the word “congratulations.”
The OP’s family quickly pointed out the supposed error, leaving the OP confused.
This drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for not congratulating my sister on her pregnancy?”
She went on to explain:
“I honestly don’t understand why everyone thinks I am the a**hole here, so I thought I’d ask internet strangers”
“I [25-year-old Female] went back home to visit my family before the holidays. (I’m going abroad for a vacation during the actual holiday season, so this was the time that worked out the best for me).”
“My sister (Anne – [22-year-old Female]) is married (I’ll call her husband Rick – [23-year-old Male]). Anne and Rick came over for dinner to see me.”
“And Anne announced that she was pregnant with their first baby. (Our parents knew. I was the only one who didn’t).”
“I told her I was very happy and excited to be an aunt. And I hugged both Anne and Rick. I noticed everyone was looking at me a bit strangely, and I was like what did I do.”
“Anne said I didn’t say congratulations. I am absolutely weirded out by this concept. So I said I was happy. What else am I supposed to say.”
“Here is where I may be TA. I said congratulations, you got a baby in your uterus. Anne looked at me strangely and asked me what TF was wrong with me.”
“I was like, what the actual hell is wrong with you? Since when does having sex and getting knocked up get a congratulations? Celebration, sure, but congratulations?”
“My parents said they were disappointed in me, and Anne said I was a lost cause and wished my future wife a lot of patience, which is weird in itself. Was it such a big deal? Did I mess up?”
“Edit: In case it matters, I was diagnosed with ASS [autism spectrum] at age 16. My family never had anything negative to say about it, though.”
“According to my parents, that’s even why I excelled academically.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“ESH. They’re weird for getting so hung up on the word ‘congratulations’ not being said when you were clearly expressing excitement and happiness for their news.”
“However, your attitude that saying ‘congratulations’ for a pregnancy is not appropriate is equally as weird.”
“You may not see it as an accomplishment worth congratulating, but it’s still the convention/social norm in the same way that saying ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes is…”
“…even though that doesn’t really make much sense. Not only that but getting pregnant is not as simple as having sex and getting knocked up, as you put it, for a lot of couples.”
“For a lot of people, getting pregnant takes a lot of planning, work, and physical and emotional stress such as going through IVF or other fertility treatments…”
“…and when it finally happens, it is a huge accomplishment worth congratulating.” – Odd_Prompt_6139
“INFO: Did you say you were happy, or did you say you were happy *for them*”?”
“‘I told her I was very happy and excited to be an aunt.’”
“If you said ‘I’m happy for you,’ I think that’s basically fine.”
“If you said ‘I’m so happy, I can’t wait to be an aunt,’ that really makes it seem like you’re centering yourself in their announcement, rather than the parents-to-be.”
“And I agree that’s … kind of weird. As a pregnant lady, I wouldn’t have said anything to you about it in the moment, but I would have found it off-putting.”
“There’s no reason to be weirded out by the fact that people say congratulations to a pregnancy announcement.”
“It’s a huge change of life, and you’re old enough to understand that couples who love each other (and couples who don’t, and strangers) have sex. You don’t have to make it weird.”
“Everyone knows pregnancy comes from sex, you aren’t pointing out something taboo.”
“When someone you love says they’re pregnant, you say congratulations and ask how the pregnant parent is feeling. If you genuinely believe it, say they’re going to be great parents. Keep it simple.”
“Edit: I also wanted to note that a reason you say congratulations isn’t just because they ‘have a baby in their uterus’…”
“it’s because (assuming you live somewhere in which they would have a choice in their reproductive health) they have decided to keep it and become a family.”
“That’s a huge, scary decision to make and that deserves congratulations and support.” – lisa_lionheart84
“YTA.”
“There is a time and place to be….whatever it was you were trying to achieve with your little whatever that was.”
“Maybe you were trying to be edgy and cool, who knows, but this isn’t your friends you are trying to impress.”
“Clearly, your family is used to your behavior and anticipated this, which is why they all stared at you.”
“When someone announces they are pregnant and excited for it, you congratulate them because it’s something that makes them happy.”
“You can also congratulate someone for graduating high school, for getting the job they wanted, selling/buying a house.”
“It’s about acknowledging that something isn’t about you, OP, and telling them you are happy they are happy and are getting something they have been excited for.”
“25 is a little to old to not understand how that works. The ‘congrats on the baby in the uterus’ thing screams ‘this isn’t about me and I’m frustrated by that’.”
“you don’t have to like babies or kids or even be excited for your sister, but part of having empathy is being happy that other people are happy about something.”
“I congratulated my neighbor and was genuinely happy for her because she finally was able to afford the lawn mower she had badly wanted.”
“My brother graduated from a tech school, and I was as happy for him as I was for myself when I graduated with my own degree because I know how hard he worked.”
“You need to crawl down out of your own an** and learn to be okay with things aren’t about you sometimes. Having a baby is a huge event and one of those times.” – JustAsICanBeSoCruel
“‘Here is where I may be TA.’ yep. Exactly there. There was no issue with how you acted or what you said prior to this.”
“And I’d say they’re TA for weirdly demanding you use the word congratulations.”
“But then you totally overreacted and made a situation out of nothing. I don’t know if you thought you were being funny or whatever, but here’s where YTA.”
“It’s not so much congratulating them for a huge effort in getting pregnant (although some couples have to go through a lot before they can conceive)…”
“…but it’s a big landmark occasion for a relationship. It’s like saying congratulations when someone shows their engagement ring.”
“If you want to break it down, all they did was stand there and say ‘yes,’ but it’s still something you’d typically congratulate someone for.” – EvilRobotSteve
“OP… Do you want to have a baby one day? If not, good. That’s your choice.”
“Your sister did want it. That’s her choice.”
“‘I was very happy’”
“‘excited to be an aunt’”
“This pregnancy isn’t about you, OP; it’s about your sister and your BIL.”
“For me, you were already TA at this point.”
“‘Congratulations you got a baby in your uterus’”
“‘what the actual hell is wrong with you since when does having sex and getting knocked up’”
“You’re reaaaaally rude OP. And you don’t seem to understand that.”
“Imagine, one day, you want to marry, or you got your dreamy job, and you’re excited about telling your family about that. And your family don’t give a sh*t.”
“How would you feel ? Disappointed ? Angry ? Right, coz you wanted to share your happiness with your family and they crushed your feeling.”
“For me, for all this sh*t, YTA !” – Mnem0syne78
“Honestly NTA. You were happy for her and hugged her and her husband.”
“I would think a physical gesture of love and care would signify more than saying a generic ‘Congratulations’ even if you did not explicitly say that.”
“You also said you were excited. I would think that says plenty more. NTA.” – livyori
“YTA. I’m kind of wondering what is missing from the interaction you described because I don’t see anything wrong with your initial reaction as you have described it…”
“…but I’m also wondering how you jumped to, ‘Since when does having sex and getting knocked up deserve congratulations?’ It’s just so bitter and rude.”
“Think of it this way: do you celebrate your birthday each year? Using your logic, since when does existing for one year deserve presents and a party?”
“Did your parents buy you a gift on your birthday? Why? Using your logic, what did you do to deserve it?”
“A birthday is a milestone, so we celebrate. Buying a new car, buying a house, graduating, announcing a pregnancy, getting married… These are all milestones, right?”
“Things we tend to celebrate.”
“Don’t get hung up on words of celebration. It’s no different than saying happy birthday.” – willfulserenity
Congratulations on your faux pas, OP. While your initial reaction may not have been everything your sister hoped for, there is still plenty of time to remedy the situation before her little bundle comes! Perhaps working with your parents to plan a shower or a party will do just the trick.