Picking the perfect date for a regular party can be nearly impossible.
So the stress of the perfect wedding date can be insurmountable.
Picking a date that coincides with other important milestones can be overly problematic for a lot of people.
So, how does one make it all work?
Case in point…
Redditor Owlxfeathers wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not wanting my M[other] I[n] L[aw] to get married on my daughter’s birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter was born Sept 20, 2022.”
“My MIL got engaged recently, and her anniversary is Sept 20, 2021.”
“She wants to have her wedding on Sept 20, 2025, which would be my daughter’s 3rd birthday.”
“I don’t really like the idea of it, considering we wouldn’t be able to celebrate her 3rd birthday on the actual day.”
“And going forward, her anniversary will be the same day, and I feel like she would rather celebrate that instead.”
“We also go to Disney World for my daughter’s birthday, so we aren’t typically even in the same state during this time (MIL knows this).”
“I don’t know if I should say something.”
“She did text me saying ‘I hope you’re ok with me choosing the wedding date for September 20,’ and I want to say something back but am not sure if I should.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA.”
“We typically go to Disney for my daughter’s birthday.”
“By typically, you mean the one birthday she’s had?”
“Most people don’t ‘celebrate’ their birthday on the actual day anyway.”
“Kid’s parties are always going to be on the weekends, so it isn’t like MIL will avoid the granddaughter’s party for her own.”
“Adjust your life one whole weekend to be part of a family member’s special day.”
“The 3-year-old won’t remember.”
“How does your husband feel about the whole situation?” ~ Boring-Pudding
“Oh, we can believe it.”
“But what we don’t believe is that OP is going to Disney to celebrate their child’s birthday.”
“After all, how is one celebrating their child’s birthday in 2018 when the child wasn’t born till 2022????”
“The point here is that a child that’s 1-3 isn’t likely even to remember the place and walking around that place with a small child that can’t enjoy any of the rides is kinda pointless.” ~ SigSauerPower320
“The first time my granddaughter went, she was 2. This was 10 years ago. She has been back a dozen times since, practically once a year or more, and she still remembers all her trips.”
“Plus, they get in free and are in the stroller. Not like you have to carry them, lol.”
“NTA. I’d tell her congrats, have a nice wedding. Can’t wait for the pics of you marrying your affair partner… lol.” ~ Odd_Presentation_374
“Also does she think her MIL is going to have mandatory anniversary parties going forward because that is not a thing?”
“It sounds like they might have to reschedule one Disney trip, or not because it also sounds like her husband doesn’t want to go to the wedding anyway, so what even is the problem? YTA.” ~ shelwood46
“NAH. You do not have to celebrate your daughter’s birthday on the actual date.”
“You can always have cake and ice cream on her birthday and go to Disney World before or after September 20th.”
“The best response is to inform your MIL that you will be out of town on that date.”
“She can decide if she wants to change her wedding date to accommodate your travel plans.”
“Does your husband agree with potentially missing his mother’s wedding?” ~ Adorable-Glass6478
“YTA …your 3-year-old won’t care what day you celebrate her birthday.”
“And behind that initial conflict… who cares?”
“It’s not like you’ll have to go to an anniversary party every year.”
“It’s not the big deal that you’re making it out to be.” ~ PhoenixRisingToday
OP came back with an update.
“This is my first time ever posting, and I realized I should have been more detailed.”
“My husband does feel the exact same way as I do.”
“This is her second wedding.”
“She had an affair and cheated on my husband’s father with the person she is now engaged to.”
“So she is now marrying her affair partner.”
“I didn’t even realize their anniversary date is September 20 until a week ago.”
“So basically, her ‘anniversary date’ is the day her affair started.”
“Since she was sneaking around with this guy, she never announced an anniversary date until just now.”
“Also, when I said we typically go to Disney World for her birthday every year, I meant we go that same week in September every year and have done so since 2018.”
“Except for 2022 because I was giving birth. LOL.”
“My daughter just happened to be born that same time.”
“Thanks everyone for your input.”
Reddit continued…
“Taking your child along on a trip with you, no matter their age, is fine.”
“The people ragging on you all about this sound hella broke and jealous.”
“If you have the funds to take your whole family for a memorable experience, then go for it.”
“That’s the same as not taking an elderly person on a family trip because they don’t have the stamina to walk most of the park like the younger family members.”
“It makes no sense.”
“The point of family trips is to create lasting memories, not just to justify the dollar amount.”
“By the way, OP is NTA.”
“Why in hell would anyone want to celebrate their MIL’s union to her side piece who destroyed the F[ather] I[n] L[aw]’s life, which impacts your spouse’s wellbeing as well?!”
“I, too, would come up with any silly a** excuse to avoid this trainwreck.”
“Kudos to you for putting effort into your reason.”
“You are a much better person than I.”
“OP, I hope you and your spouse enjoy whatever you all choose to do or not do on this date.”
“We need to hold each other accountable.”
“The audacity of your MIL to hold a hellified wedding and pick a day that’s already taken within the family.”
“One year or 99, we’re not skipping my child’s celebration for goofy a** reasons.”
“The MIL knows she was out of line, which is why she asked you about the date.”
“I would have given her philandering a** an ear full.”
“And no, it’s not judging her for her actions yet holding her accountable for the bulls**t she has stirred up in HOW she chose to end her marriage.”
“She’s an a**hole because she could have done so in a better way without destroying and embarrassing her family.” ~ CursingCHRISTian
“Imagine adjusting your life for someone who broke up your family. Marrying their affair partner, marrying them on the day they cheated, and pretending to be ok with it?”
“’Yeah come celebrate the day I cheated on your father with me.’”
“Go to Disney OP, and make memories with your little family.”
“Remember an invitation is not a summons, you and your husband don’t have to go.”
“Maybe you should also take your FIL with you guys. NTA.” ~ eastcoastgirl88
“A lot of assumptions here.”
“OP’s convenient edit never mentioned the affair breaking up the family, and we have 0 information on the dynamic between MIL and FIL.”
“You just assumed MIL nuked the family and FIL is a nice person.”
“You may be right but could also be wrong. We don’t know.”
“Regardless, that’s actually irrelevant to what the OP is asking.”
“OP YTA. As others have said, not for not wanting to go.”
“But for everything else. Just don’t attend.” ~ boostedj6
“Your MIL’s previous marriage and relationship history does not give you extra karma, allowing you to veto the date she chose for her wedding.”
“You need to get over the fact your kid’s birthday is the same day.”
“You and your kid don’t own the date.”
“You can, of course, make your own choices about whether to attend the wedding, assuming you’re invited.” ~ AKlutraa
“She’s giving you over a year and a half’s notice.”
“She’s chosen the date probably for the weather, cost, and the fact it’s a Saturday.”
“She’s acknowledged it’s your daughter’s bday and done the courteous thing of messaging you to say she hopes it’s okay.”
“This is not the case of your MIL trying to steal the thunder from a literal toddler, who won’t notice if her bday is celebrated the day before or after the wedding.”
“Also – usually at Disney land for her bday?”
“Your daughter has had exactly one birthday this far.”
“This means you are not usually there for her bday, you’ve been there once on her bday.”
“Go a week earlier in 2025?!? YTA.” ~. THROWRAhickory
“You must have a lot of time on your hands if this is some kind of big concern to you.”
“For one thing, your kid is only a year old.”
“She barely knows where her own feet are, much less the actual date she was born, and if she did, she wouldn’t care.”
“All she would see on her third birthday at grandma’s wedding is happy people dressed in pretty clothes and a big cake.”
“That date has significance to your MIL, not just you, as you and your daughter aren’t the only people on Earth.”
“I think you’re being really petty about something that ultimately doesn’t matter.”
“So you celebrate the week before or after that year.”
“She’ll be 3 – Disney will make her happy despite the calendar.”
“Please be gracious and allow your MIL to shine that day.”
“In the end, it’s not going to matter. YTA.” ~ forgetregret1day
Well, OP, Reddit is a little all over the place with your dilemma.
It’s understandable that you would have an issue with the birthday/wedding date, but it’s a doable situation to handle.
Maybe you and the hubby can have a calm chat with your MIL about it.
You may want to look deeper into the feelings you’re having about the wedding itself, though.
Good luck.