Sometimes, people feel the need to sell some little white lies to their families.
It can keep intrusive relatives and parents at bay in a relatively harmless way.
That’s why people lie about events, keep quiet about finances, or… hide homes?
Case in point…
Redditor Low_Muffin_292283 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for lying to my family for two years that my house purchase deal fell through?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“A few years ago, my husband and I told our relatives that we wanted to buy a country house by the lake.”
“In our country, almost everyone lives in apartments, so our families were very happy.”
“My mother immediately decided that she wanted to arrange a vegetable garden in the yard of this house.”
“My husband’s sister said it would be a great place where she could take her children for the summer.”
“My sister started fantasizing about family picnics.”
“My husband’s brother ‘joked’ that it would be a good place to get drunk on weekends.”
“We were both terrified.”
“We didn’t want any of this.”
“We wanted to have a place where we could feel truly at home.”
“Where we can rest.”
“Where we can arrange everything to our taste.”
“Where there will be peace and quiet, and not family squabbles.”
“Where we can raise our future children.”
“In the end, we decided to tell them that the deal had fallen through and there would be no house.”
“After all, it’s not even their business.”
“We were the only ones buying the house, and it has nothing to do with them.”
“We didn’t have to tell them.”
“We only told the truth to our best friends, whom we were sure would not spoil anything.”
“The house is really beautiful, and my friends and I often go there on weekends.”
“Well, two years have passed, and my sister found out about the house by accident because one of my friends posted a photo from there.”
“Now our families are furious and call us greedy.”
“Many of the relatives don’t want to talk to us until we give them the address (my mom even asked for spare keys).”
“This is exactly the hype that we tried so hard to avoid.”
“I don’t think we’re a**holes, but my husband is starting to hesitate about what we should have done, so outside advice can help us.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole
“If your relatives don’t wanna talk to you until you give them access to the house, I think that’s one problem solved.”
“Don’t give them access, and they don’t talk to you.”
“And that’s that.”
“No spare key for your mother.”
“Send them links to lakeside airbnbs. If they want to spend time at the lake, at a house they don’t own, they should look into Airbnb.”
“Keep your house to yourself.”
“Stand firm, OP. Think of all the plans they made for a house that’s not theirs.”
“Then look at the beautiful home you’ve created and picture it being ruined by greedy and entitled relatives.”
“That should strengthen your resolve to keep them at arm’s length.”
“NTA. And neither is hubby unless he gives in to their demands.”
“Your relatives suck, though.” ~ solo_throwaway254247
“Agreed NTA. They called OP greedy when all they could think about was themselves when OP and their husband originally announced their plan.”
“They don’t deserve time at the lake house on OP’s dime.” ~ opheliasdinosaur
“If one of my siblings bought a lake house, I’d also be excited for me 😂.”
“That said, there’s reasonable excitement, and there is bat-shit crazy, selfish excitement.”
“OP’s family is the latter.”
“You can see this because they feel so entitled to something that isn’t theirs that they’re willing to employ abusive tactics (silent treatment/berating) to coerce OP into complying. NTA.” ~ GiraffeThoughts
“And they’d all expect OP to cover all expenses for these holidays.”
“Have the house decorated to the nines, provide varied and copious amounts of drink, and full spread for every meal.”
“And from the sound of this group, there would probably be a long list of dietary needs, restrictions, and requests (or in their case, demands).”
“And they’d expect OP to prepare, serve, and clean up after all of this.” ~ BaitedBreaths
“My husband’s family is exactly like this, and there are a lot of them.”
“So after some number of visits where they did nothing to help, paid for nothing, etc., we stopped inviting them to our beach house.”
“And I mean we never invite them and ignore all hints, except for a couple of siblings who do help, bring some food and drink.”
“Luckily my husband was 100% on board as he said he got tired of running a free B[ed] and B[reakfast] for his family.” ~ SquarePiglet9183
“Let all family know that this is not their free use, free-for-all vacation house.”
“It is you and your spouse’s vacation home/future family home for your kids that you’ve worked hard to pay for.”
“That they are not welcome to invite themselves to spend time there at any point, ever.”
“Force the point to them that you have surveillance setup and anyone on the property uninvited will be treated as trespassers, and police will be called.”
“No exceptions. It’s a hard boundary, and if they don’t respect it, they’re liable to go to jail.”
“These people sound extremely entitled and had already made their plans to take over the property for their own uses absolutely and had no intention of respecting you, the property, or any boundaries you were going to set.”
“If you give them an inch, they’re going to take the yard.”
“I have a toxic and entitled family.”
“Unfortunately it’s come to the point of having police remove family from places and events before.”
“I learned firsthand that there is to never be any compromise if you want your boundaries to be respected at all times.” ~ Putrid-Rub-1168
“Some people assume that as soon as a member of the family buys a country house, the house belongs to the family as a whole.”
“That’s why the mother wants a vegetable garden and the sister to take the kids there ‘in the summer’ (and yes, she means “‘or all of the summer holidays.)'”
“They consider the house common ‘family’ property everybody can use for as long as they see fit- but only the owners have to pay for it, for the bills and for any expenses, including food, because the relatives are ‘just guests.'”
“I’m not saying this is OK, I think it’s awful.”
“But many people in my country share this mentality.”
“Leeches, the lot of them.” ~ Agostointhesun
“Your home is just that, a home.”
“You only invite people who love and respect you.”
‘I hate to say it, but your family are, collectively, greedy mooches.”
“Are they paying anything to defray the cost of food, electricity, etc?”
“They probably expect you to bear the expense of their visits.”
“It is YOUR sanctuary, your safe place.”
“You are accused of being greedy.”
“Tell them to look in a mirror if they want to see greed.”
“Do you want to have to clean up after them?”
“Do you think they would volunteer to clean up? Not a chance.”
“Be happy in your home.” ~ content_great_gramma
“I know a couple in Florida that has almost nonstop moochers in the winter.”
“Relatives from the northern part of the US descend trying to escape the snow and expect meals, sheet changes, and entertainment, all the while never lifting a finger while the couple works to provide them a nice vacation experience.”
“Don’t do this, OP – keep the location secret.”
“It’s your house, and you don’t owe them free babysitting and a cheap vacation on your dime.” ~ briomio
“NTA. If they ask for the address or a spare key, tell them, ‘That is exactly why we didn’t tell you. This is our house.'”
“‘And you try to make it your save party zone. No.'”
“‘And only if you can accept our boundaries and that this is OUR home and not anything for you, you will not be invited or told anything more.'”
“Would also install cameras there.”
“If they found a photo on social media, they might get the address via Google Street View or an old advertisement of the house – and then just think they could just drop bye.” ~ Trevena_Ice
“Typically lying is not the best play, but it’s absolutely wild that basically your whole family just assumed that they would have total access to your property just because you own a nice house.”
“NTA and I totally get why you’d lie about that.”
“With a family like that, who needs enemies?” ~ neophenx
“NTA. Tell your families, ‘Hey, we told you the deal had fallen through because you were all talking like you were entitled to share in OUR house.'”
“‘This is our weekend home, it’s not yours to party in, we’re not giving anyone else our keys, and we don’t want you to raise a vegetable garden in our backyard.'”
“‘We go there at weekends to relax and chill.'”
“‘Sorry we lied to you, but your reaction right now says we were exactly right not to tell you honestly that we’d bought our house.'”
“‘No, we will not give you the keys, the address, the location, or an invite.'”
“…and install cameras in case they find it.” ~ Enough-Process9773
Well, OP, Reddit is with y’all.
You get to make the rules for your home.
Nobody else is entitled to it.
Good luck.
And enjoy your privacy.