We’ve all heard the phrase “f**k around and find out” (FAAFO) by now, and we know that it’s a great example of someone experiencing karma after betraying someone or doing something stupid.
But some of us have perfect examples we could give from our own lives of “FAAFO,” cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
While Redditor KingKxtt wasn’t the one who betrayed those she loved, she felt deeply betrayed by her brother and work friend and felt betrayed on behalf of her sister-in-law.
When she discovered that her brother and friend had been having an affair for years, the Original Poster (OP) could do nothing but blame her brother for wrecking her family.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my brother, ‘You f**ked up and this is the result’?”
The OP was fortunate enough to have multiple people she was very close to.
“I, Elise (28 Female) have a brother, Greg (39 Male), and we are as close as ever, despite our age gap and upbringing (which is a long story).”
“He has a wife named Tisha (31 Female) and two boys, S and C (three years old and seven months). They have been together 10 years and married for six.”
“Tisha and I are super close and we confided in each other about almost anything.”
“I also have a close friend named May (29 Female). We both met at an industry event about six years ago and have been super close since. She has come with me to family events, holidays, and everything.”
“She was like another sister. Tisha loved her, too. In fact, we were the three musketeers of our family.”
Then, the OP noticed that something was going on with Tisha.
“About three months ago, at a family dinner, I noticed Tisha was acting distant with everyone. We would try to engage in conversation but only got one-word answers or very short answers.”
“And she just looked down and took care of the baby, who was about four months old at the time, the whole night by herself.”
“I asked my brother, and he said he would talk to her and figure it out.”
“The next time we spoke, he said she said she wasn’t feeling good.”
“For some odd reason, I didn’t believe it but didn’t push the issue.”
“They then left on a three-week work trip/vacation to New Zealand. As I talked to them in NZ, it seemed fine. They got home a week ago and that’s when the s**t storm arrived.”
Then the truth came out.
“My brother came to my house last night (Tuesday) and told me everything. Basically, he and May have been having an affair for years. Tisha found out and threw him out to go be with May.”
“But my brother said he didn’t want May and regretted everything.”
“I was so p**sed that I called May at that moment and went off. I told her to never come near me or I would gouge her eyes out. I called her worthless and scum and hung up. She couldn’t even reply.”
“I kicked my brother out and told him that he is scum, as well, and that he f**ked up and these were his consequences.”
“I also told him I hoped Tisha divorced him and took everything. Then I slammed the door in his face.”
“Ugh, like I know it was wrong, but I was angry. I’m writing this the next morning after sleeping and thinking about everything. I don’t know where Greg and May are, and I don’t care at this time.”
“They both have called me countless times, but Tisha hasn’t. I’m worried about her. But I don’t know what to do now.”
“AITAH for yelling at Greg last night after finding out the truth? I want him to feel like s**t, but maybe I should have said something different. Help me, please.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes
Most importantly, some urged the OP to reach out to Tisha right away.
“What a mess. So they were having the affair during Tisha’s entire pregnancy, and possibly back when/before she had your three-year-old nephew?”
“And they were fine seeing each other at family events, the affair partner even continued to become close friends with his wife and sister. The nerve.”
“OP, I would text Tisha that your brother just told you what was going on. You’re stunned and sickened, but she’s your only priority atm.”
“You want her to know you love her; she will forever be your sister, no matter what. You’re here for her; what can you do for her? Does she need a babysitter, someone to sleep over to handle the baby so she can sleep, or take the toddler out, run the vacuum, anything she needs you’re there.”
“You could text your brother and tell him to stop calling. You feel as if he imploded your world, both with family and friends. You need time to process this. You love him, but can’t handle seeing or talking to him right now. He needs to give you space.” – Ran_dom_1
“NTA. Call Tish and offer to babysit. She needs to process this without her kids watching.” – Open-Incident-3601
“Be there for Tish. Call her or go to her house. She is the one who will most need support going through whatever is next. She probably feels abandoned (since she’s ‘not real family’) so it’s important to show her that you are behind her, not your nasty-ass brother.”
“You are NTA for anything you said or did.”
“Both Greg and May will deserve every single thing that is soon to come their way. Make sure your parents know, if they don’t already.” – JanetInSpain
“Contact Tish. if she doesn’t pick up, text her that you’re on her side and you’re sorry and didn’t know. She probably assumes you either know or wouldn’t take her side.”
“So maybe leaving a voicemail or text would have her call you back sooner. I wouldn’t ever talk to May or your brother again if I were you. F**k them. NTA.” – longlisten527
“NTA. He wanted to cheat but didn’t want the AP; that’s double a**hole territory.”
“Stick with Trisha and the kids as they will need all the support they can get, and having an additional friendly face around should help.”
“Don’t forget to share with the rest of the family how much the APs have betrayed the family, to ensure everyone else also supports Trisha and helps her and the kids.” – stiggley
“NTA, It has been going on for YEARS. They not only lied to SIL but to you too for years. That level of duplicity is unfathomable to most people.”
“You can reconnect with him eventually if you want to. I would focus on SIL. Send her a text and let her know you cut May off and are devastated for her. She might be hanging back because she isn’t sure whose side you would take.” – Same_zookeepergame27
Others reassured the OP that she reacted appropriately to her brother.
“NTA easily. He messed up big time, and you kept it real with him. I hope Tisha and the kids recover from this because your brother was being way too messy.” – Soft_Extension_9360
“NTA, and you did nothing wrong, including slamming the door in his face.”
“Your brother is a worthless piece of s**t. Call Tisha and let her know you are there for her and will support her even after she divorces your brother.” – IndividualDevice9621
“NTA. Others said call her and offer to help out, she could well assume you’ll ‘side’ with Greg as he’s family, let her know you most assuredly don’t.”
“I would place one more call to May, just to say I want to let you know what my brother said when he finally crawled to your door to tell you the truth. He said that he regrets everything because he absolutely does not in any way want you, he was using you for sex because you’re younger and apparently easy as f**k without a care that your partners are married.”
“Because quite often when the ahole cheater is kicked out and can’t weasel their way back in they end up with the affair partner even if they kind of don’t want to. I would be a petty a**hole and let her know what he said so they don’t ‘win’ and end up a couple after this.”
“Add, I’m only telling you so if you get with him, know it’s because he’s pathetic, doesn’t want to be alone, and wants a wife to do all the things his pathetic a** can’t, that he doesn’t want to be with her, he just doesn’t have a better option but as she well knows, he’ll cheat till he finds it.” – TwoBioNickness
“NTA.”
“If he can cheat, he can deal with the fallout from cheating. If he didn’t want people to tear him a new one, he should have kept his dick in his pants.”
“Personally, I’d cut him off permanently, but if you want to leave the door open for contact later, I’d send him a message saying that you will always love him because he’s your brother, but his actions have caused a lot of damage to a lot of people and destroyed a lot of trust.”
“Add that you hope to someday start repairing your relationship with him, but right now, your focus is on trying to help the people he hurt most, his wife and kids, so you need time and space for that and to process your own feelings and then you’ll decide if he’s someone you want in your life in any significant way.”
“Don’t feel bad about what you said.”
“He did this to everyone, including himself.” – ProfPlumDidIt
“NTA.”
“This was a major betrayal of trust from your brother and May, especially Tisha. I don’t blame you for being livid and going off on both of them. They deserved it.”
“Reach out to your SIL; she really needs a shoulder right now. She’s going through the worst moments of her life right now and could use a friend and someone to lean on. Help her as much as you can, from doing laundry, tidying up, helping with the kids, getting the mail, any little thing will help.” – Caspian4136
The subReddit was disgusted by the brother’s and friend’s behavior, especially since May had been accepted into the family as a family friend. The pair had deeply hurt the brother’s wife but also the whole family, because of the number of relationships this would impact.