It’s shocking sometimes the actions that family members will overlook for the sake of preserving their family image.
How much is one person supposed to withstand for the sake of “family,” challenged the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor lane-Apartment1199 was excited to see her sister, especially after hearing the news of her engagement, but she was shocked when she found out that she was getting married to her cheating ex from years prior.
When the family not only expected her to let that go, but to also house them while their home was being renovated, the Original Poster (OP) pointedly refused to let a cheater back into her house.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my sister’s fiancé stay in my house after discovering he’s my ex who cheated on me?”
The OP was excited for her sister’s engagement.
“My sister (28 Female) recently got engaged to John (30 Male), who she’s been dating for about a year. She’s absolutely smitten and couldn’t wait to introduce him to the family.”
“I (32 Female) had a tumultuous relationship with an ex a few years ago.”
“We dated for two years before I found out he was cheating on me with multiple women.”
“The breakup was messy and left me with a lot of trust issues. I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”
That was until the OP realized who her sister’s future husband was.
“Fast forward to last weekend. My sister brought John over for a family dinner, and to my absolute shock, her partner, John, is also my cheating ex.”
“He didn’t recognize me at first because I’ve changed my appearance quite a bit since we last saw each other.”
“When I confronted him privately, he admitted to recognizing me but begged me not to tell my sister, claiming he’s changed and genuinely loves her.”
“I was torn, but decided my sister needed to know the truth. I told her everything, showing her old photos and messages as proof.”
“She was devastated but decided to stay with him, saying people can change and she believes he’s a better man now.”
But the drama refused to stop there.
“Here’s where the current problem lies: My sister and John asked if they could stay with me for a few days while their apartment undergoes some renovations.”
“I flat-out refused, explaining I couldn’t live under the same roof as the man who caused me so much pain.”
“My sister accused me of being selfish and not giving John a chance to prove he’s changed. She says I’m punishing her for his past mistakes and creating unnecessary drama.”
“Our parents are divided. Mom thinks I should suck it up for my sister’s sake, while Dad believes I have every right to set boundaries.”
“The situation has caused a massive rift in our family, and now I’m questioning if I’m being unreasonable.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said absolutely not and reassured the OP that hotels exist for a reason.
“H**l no. NTA. Your mom and your sister have freaking issues. Tell them to get a hotel.” – GuyWhoKnowsMoreThanU
“If the meddling mom thinks they need to stay with family, she can house her daughter and future cheating son-in-law.” – Jenniyelf
“Saying yes would not just be letting her cheating ex back into her life; it would be doing him a FAVOR. Not a godd**m chance. I’d say he can sleep outside in the freezing rain for all I care. They can get a hotel or fight over someone’s couch.” – thornynhorny
“NTA. No way in h**l would they stay with me. They can get a hotel. Or a hostel. Or a cardboard box.”
“I hope, for your sister’s sake, that he really has changed and doesn’t repeat history there.”
“But you dated him for two years and your sister didn’t recognize him or even his name?” – ChicagoWhiteSox35
“NTA. You have every right to maintain the peace in your life. I can’t believe your sister stayed with him.” – Away-Understanding34
“Beggars can’t be choosers, they can get a hotel. Why doesn’t your mum house them? ‘Renovations’ don’t really make living somewhere else a necessity.”
“Your sister is just trying to push your leftovers back on you. You didn’t meet for over a year, you don’t need to meet again and no you don’t have to house your s**tty ex.” – Opposite-Fortune-
“‘She says I’m punishing her for his past mistakes.’ No. He’s being kept at a distance for his past choices (not mistakes) she’s being told no because of her current choice to stay with him.”
“No. End of discussion. They can get a hotel or motel like any other adult.” – Queen_Andromeda
“NTA. Tell your mother that your sister should suck it up for your sake.” – Fibro_Mite
Others encouraged the OP to question the quality of the relationship she had with her family.
“Since your mom chose sides, go full no-contact with your sister and mom.”
“Text them, ‘Dear Sis and Mom. You chose the guy who repeatedly cheated on me and betrayed my trust in the worst way over family. I guess that shows once and for all where I stand.'”
“‘As of this moment, you are dead to me. I no longer have a mother. I no longer have a sister. Maybe you two can comfort each other when he’ll inevitably cheat on you, too.'”
“‘Don’t come crying to me Don’t come with fake apologies. Forget I f**king exist. Because I will forget you do. Starting the moment I send this. Now kindly f**k off and leave me be.'”
“Annnnnnnnd block. NTA.” – b3mark
“The thought of family members becoming family with someone who treated me with such a great deal of disrespect would be a really tough ask. If they really want this to work, I’d expect them to be open to any questions to help reconcile your mental health if that’s a possibility.”
“If not, maybe ask your sister what she thinks of the curve he’s got, mention you always thought it didn’t hit the right spot because of the curve, and see if she has the same problem.”
“There are tons of ways to make it as awkward for them as it is for you. Some people refuse to recognize that the lack of action communicates more than they realize.” – Think_Position6712
“This is giving me weird vibes. Even if I didn’t introduce exes to my family, my sister always knew about them and knew what they looked like. It’s possible they don’t have that relationship, but a cheating ex of two years seems like it would be hot family gossip.”
“I mean, you dated this guy for two years, and he never met your family? And then your sister dated him for a year before introducing him to the family?”
“Maybe neither of you is fond of social media or sharing photos unless there’s a specific reason. Or he could be one of those guys that won’t let his girlfriend post them, considering all the cheating.” – Neither-Entrance-208
“He could have completely morphed in Saint Francis of Assisi. That doesn’t mean he didn’t hurt you prior to ascending to Saint status.”
“I think knowing your limits and putting up boundaries is healthy.”
“Tell her, ‘Sister, I wish you all the happiness with your Saint, but he brought so much anguish into my life. I will not permit him to cross the threshold into my home for my own mental health. Please respect that I know my own needs.'”
“NTA.” – Moniker_Schmoniker
“Wow, just wow…”
“Your sister is delusional if she thinks forcing you to host your cheating ex, her current fiancé, is a walk in the park. She gets to pound sand. Your mom asking you to suck it up needs a reality check as well.”
“It really doesn’t matter the reason you don’t want someone to stay with you. It’s your place. It’s your call. No one else gets a say.”
“On a side note: How are you this balanced if your family is this bats**t? NTA.” – gobsmacked247
“So your dad has your back, but your mom values fake harmony in the family more than she values your mental health.”
“NTA. Your sister is blinded by love and will not understand. Your mother should not be blinded. She should have your back the way your dad does.”
“By the way, someone is going to tell you to let go of your grudge. When they do, tell them it’s not holding a grudge. It’s choosing not to allow someone who hurt you back into your life and your home.”
“It’s choosing to respect yourself enough not to sacrifice your peace by welcoming into your home someone who treated you with such disdain. It’s understanding that he threw away your trust and respect by cheating, and that doesn’t magically disappear just because he’s dating your sister.”
“Your sister is allowed to make her own choices where this guy is concerned, but you have the right to make your own choices, too. Your sister’s feelings aren’t more important than yours. You deserve peace in your home.” – miyuki_m
Not only did the subReddit completely understand where the OP was coming from, but there was no way they would have let John cross their doorsteps, either.
It sounded like plenty of families were willing to support the OP’s sister and ex, who could host them instead of the OP.
While their apartment was being renovated, the subReddit hoped that the OP would think about the relationship she had with her family and question why they would think it would be okay to demand something like this of her, especially since she was far from a last resort.