Cooking, baking, and food preparation have long been favorite hobbies for many people.
Thanks to Julia Child, Martha Stewart, and Rachel Ray, the world has learned an infinite number of ways to improve meals.
A pinch of creativity on a cookie or a pasta can leave a lasting impression.
But not all lasting impressions may be palatable.
Redditor South_Arrival_7036 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to cook meals with fewer flourishes for my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 28) make meals every day for me and my husband (M[ale] 31) to take to work.”
“I enjoy adding my own personal flourish to the meals, usually something like putting toppings in the shape of a heart or drawing a cute face on a snack.”
“It’s a fun hobby of mine, and it brings me joy later in the day to open my lunch and see it nicely arranged.”
“A few years ago, my sister-in-law (F 33) had to take a lower-paying job after an accident left her unable to work at her previous one.”
“I began making her meals like I did for my husband and myself as I knew she was struggling both financially and emotionally.”
“She lives very close to us, so my husband always just dropped them off on his commute to work.”
“I always added my extra touch to her meals as well, as I enjoy cooking and figured it would be a nice thing to do.”
“However, she called me a few months ago and asked if I could stop making her lunches so bourgeois.”
“I legitimately thought she was joking calling a heart-shaped piece of seaweed bourgeois, but according to her, none of her colleagues at work have such elaborate lunches, and it makes her feel as if she is flaunting her status.”
“She is not paying me for the lunches, and it takes me an extra ten minutes maximum to add a fun touch to them, so I was confused about her train of thought.”
“I thought that maybe her coworkers were taking her lunch, and she didn’t want to tell me, but I agreed to make the lunches less fancy because I wanted her to feel comfortable.”
“Since I make the exact same meals for all three of us, now I just don’t put effort into the presentation of one of them.”
“Since my husband drops off the lunch on his way to work, there have been one or two times where he has accidentally given her the wrong box.”
“I have labeled which lunch is not flourished, but in the rush of the commute, there is still the occasional instance of taking the wrong box.”
“My sister-in-law asked me a few days ago if I could just stop making both my and my husband’s lunches ‘fancy,’ due to the risk of her being given the wrong one.”
“I refused, as it makes me happy to see the extra touch of personality in the food, and told her that she wouldn’t die from one accidental ‘fancy’ meal, which she was furious at and hung up on me.”
“She has been refusing to talk to me over the past few days, and when I tried to call her to reason with her, she kept hanging up.”
“She has told my husband that she will only talk to me if I agree to stop making all of our lunches so ‘bourgeois.'”
“I am still making her lunches every day and my husband dropping them off, and while my husband agrees with me that her demand was out of order, he has now said that maybe I should just make all the food less flourished just so that she will not be angry if there is an accidental swap of lunches.”
“I know it would be easy on me just not to flourish the food, but I don’t want to give up my hobby for a theoretical chance of her receiving the wrong box.”
“This is out-of-character behavior for my SIL.”
“She is usually a very sweet and considerate person; she watches my daughter for free and has never been so reactionary about a lunch before.”
“I’m unsure about completely stopping giving her lunches due to one issue when she is normally so kind.”
“I will provide an update when I talk with her and my husband.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for refusing?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. After such comments like that, she can make her own, affordable, and less elaborate lunches.”
“She seems like she enjoys bringing you down.”
“Plus, it saves your husband some of the stressful commute when he doesn’t have to drop her lunch off.” ~ What-mate___
“NTA. Tell her CommunistRingworld from Reddit says she’s the one with the bourgeois attitude, being picky and making demands on a lunch she’s getting for free.”
“And turning down the joy of life.”
“It sounds to me like she just discovered the word bourgeois but hasn’t read any Marx, Engels, Lenin, or Trotsky.” ~ CommunistRingworld
“NTA. You make her a free lunch every day.”
“‘Thank you’ is all you should hear from her.”
“I know it would be easy on me to just not flourish the food.”
“It’s even easier not to make it for her at all.” ~ diminishingpatience
“I would stop the lunches.”
“They make her so uncomfortable, why continue?”
“Put a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jam, bread, and a plastic knife in the lunchbox.”
“With a note: fix it so it’s not fancy.”
“Be done with this grown-up woman acting like a spoiled child.”
“’I know you’re giving me free food every day, but I want you to make it special, just for me.’ Pfft.”
“I used to draw something on my girls’ napkins, every day.”
“Nothing fancy – stick figures.”
“I always tried to make it funny.”
“My favorite was a stick figure deer, standing with an umbrella.”
“My younger girl asked me to stop because the entire fourth grade wanted to see her napkins, every single day.”
“Swarming my daughter, lunch monitors would call out the kids rushing towards her table.”
“It wasn’t special anymore, it was causing anxiety.”
“Even in fourth grade, she understood that most of the other kids wished their mom would do something special for them.”
“She felt sad for them, but she appreciated that we had that love.”
“When I would help her pack lunch for summer jobs, I would sometimes slip one in.”
“Just little smiles. 💜” ~ SweetWaterfall0579
“Why can’t you get your spouse or sister a lunchbox (or two, the husband grabs the empty one at drop-off because she hands it to him or leaves it by the door or however drop-offs work)?”
“Or get one for your husband?”
“Why can’t your husband take a second to look at what he’s giving her so he doesn’t mix it up?”
“Or why can’t your sister open the container and check?”
“If it’s the ‘wrong one’ she can break it up from its shape or fanciness?”
“Mix up the potatoes.”
“Chop up the heart-shaped seaweed.”
“Anything to destroy the shape.”
“Honestly, she’s the one with the problem and the ability to stop it.”
“A simple check from both of them would resolve this.”
“Why the hell is she being so f**king petty?”
“And why the hell is your husband getting off scot-free when he’s causing a mix-up?”
“He has ONE job to do and that’s to hand her the correct food. Good grief.”
“Everyone is so damn stubborn in this situation.”
“But you are the last person who should be required to ‘fix’ this drama.”
“Get after your husband for not paying a split second worth of attention when handing it to her by looking for the mark or even opening the lid to see!”
“And tell your petty sister to check it before walking out her door and fix the fancy.”
“There are so many ways to resolve this.”
“And I think there’s more going on with your sister than her having a ‘too pretty’ lunch that’s made by you.”
“Your sister needs to be real about what her true issue is.”
“It may be with you, or it’s something else going on at work or home.”
“NTA, OP, about how you make it.”
“But everyone else is for dumping this problem on you to solely solve.” ~ Quirky-Waltz-4U
“Her free lunch should be over.”
“The idea that she is entitled to tell the person making her a free lunch that they should make their own food to fit her preferences instead of their own is insane.”
“She could beg daily for the rest of her career and she would still be cut off and making her own food for the rest of her life.” ~ Worried-Cod-5927
“And the husband said maybe she should stop flourishing all the lunches and could also not get lunch made if he’s on SIL’s side.”
“What OP is doing is lovely and every decent person would be happy about it.”
“People are so unappreciative!” ~ renaissance_witch
“This is what I don’t understand about this post, why continue making the lunches if there isn’t even a crumb of gratitude for them?”
“Either way, NTA.” ~ Melodic_Ad_8360
“NTA, but honestly, I would stop making her lunches entirely.”
“Bringing lunches from home instead of buying something on the way in or ordering take out delivered to the office is pretty bourgeois.”
“What she eats is none of her co-worker’s business, but demanding that you put in extra effort to make hers less fancy is your business.” ~ WhyAmIStillHere86
“That’s what I don’t get.”
“SIL is getting free lunches delivered fresh every business morning and has the audacity to make demands.”
“She can either shut up and enjoy the free, fresh, delivered food or shut up and make her own going forward, either way, she needs to stop complaining.”
“OP, you need to stand up for yourself and not allow something as disrespectful as demands, and no thank you.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“Why don’t you color code the lunch boxes so that it will be easy to quickly identify which box is the SIL?”
“Overall NTA, you are doing her a favor.”
“She should be grateful, and if the issue is her workmates making comments, then she really should be standing up for you to tell them that you are such a supportive SIL, and they should be all lucky to have someone like you in their life.” ~ Iogwfh
“NTA. Honestly, you’re a better person than me.”
“I would have not made her any more lunches if she wanted to be immature and not communicate over that.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA – if she doesn’t like the meal you make her, stop making her lunch and let the ingrate feed herself.” ~ Dominique-Gleeful
“NTA – but I think there is something more going on here.”
“Is this kind of reaction normal for her when she doesn’t like something?”
“It just seems like such an odd overreaction that I wonder if there is something she isn’t telling you that would make it make sense.” ~ TheWoman2
OP responded…
“I thought so too, normally she’s a really reasonable and kind person so it didn’t make sense to me that she was so reactive over her lunch.”
“The only issue that I could think of was that maybe she was giving the lunch to someone else and that she didn’t want it to be obvious that she did not cook it.”
“I am not sure.”
Well, OP, you have a lot to think about.
Your SIL has undoubtedly left you and Reddit in a quandary.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t appreciate your efforts.
Reddit is with you.
It may be time for a serious conversation with her and your husband.
Something more could be going on.
Good luck.