My Mother was the youngest in her family with a total of nine older siblings, so my Sisters and I were some of the youngest cousins in our generation. As a result, we occasionally got hand-me-downs from our older cousins.
My older Sister and I are seven and five years older than our younger Sister, so she got our hand-me-downs. As the second youngest of all of the cousins and the youngest female, our younger Sister was the last stop within the family for hand-me-downs.
Once there was no longer a use for an item in the family, we’d have a yard sale.
It was never an issue if we sold something that had been handed down through all the cousins.
A man who feels differently turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Sidehussleaita asked:
“AITA For telling my sister-in-law that her ‘side hustle’ makes her a bad person?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My brother (33, male) and his wife (30, female) have 2 young boys (3 & 1). My wife and I have a 5-year-old son, so over the years we have given them quite a few items that we no longer used/needed.”
“Crib, clothes, toys, various baby items, etc… Most of the things were just taking up space in our house and we knew they would put them to use so we had no problem giving them away.”
“My wife and I literally took stuff out of storage and laid it all out for her and my brother before their youngest was born. They looked it over and took what they wanted. What they didn’t take, my wife and I donated to the mothers-in-need non-profit.”
“We visited them a couple weeks ago for their 3-year-old’s birthday party. During the party, sister-in-law (SIL) mentioned that she has been selling off a bunch of baby stuff as a ‘side hustle’.”
“Both she and my brother are the youngest of their families and she said that they get so many hand-me-downs from their siblings that they couldn’t keep track of them all.”
“Her solution was to start selling these gifts off online to make a few extra bucks. She was basically bragging about it.”
“I told her that is a pretty crappy thing to do considering that these items were given to them as gifts that they willingly accepted and were expected to use. I asked her if they had sold some of the things we have given them and she laughed and said that she was sure she did because we’ve given them a lot of stuff.”
“I told her that if I had known she was going to sell those items off, I would have given them away to someone else or donated them to a local non-profit that helps young mothers in need.”
“She got defensive and told me that it’s not like she’s making a lot of money off these things, just a few bucks here and there. I told her that the people buying those items are probably the same people who would benefit from getting them for free and that she’s taking advantage of them.”
“She went off about how hard things are with the economy right now and how they need all the help they can get financially. Mind you, both she and my brother have college degrees and work full-time.”
“I know raising kids is expensive, but they aren’t in dire straits.”
“I told her that she probably shouldn’t expect us to give them anything else in the future and I would probably suggest to my other siblings that they refrain from doing so as well and look into other options for donating things. She got defensive again and told me that she doesn’t feel like she’s doing anything wrong.”
“I told her she’s entitled to feel that way, but my opinion of her as a person is now lesser because of this. She said that selling things they don’t use to make a few bucks doesn’t make her a bad person and I told her that considering they were given these things for free, it kind of does.”
“By this point other people had noticed our conversation and my brother stepped in to end the conversation before things got too heated.”
“He told me I should mind my own business and that if I don’t want to give them anything else in the future, that’s my choice. But that I took this too far by calling his wife a bad person for selling things they don’t use.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I recently found out that my sister-in-law has been selling items given to her by myself and other family members to make extra cash. She was bragging about it and I told her that this kind of makes her a bad person.”
“She got defensive and we argued about it. My brother had to step in to keep it from going further.”
“I think I might be an a**hole for telling my SIL that her side-hustle makes her a bad person.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
“Ehhhh. Knowing that you AND your siblings AND her siblings were all giving—giving not gifting—her hand-me-downs, you had to think that mayyyyyyyyybe they were being given more than they could use. Just as these things were taking up space in your house, they are now taking up space in theirs.”
“After you give them all away, you lose the right to say what’s done with them. Could she have donated what she didn’t want/use/didn’t need anymore? Sure.”
“But she decided to sell them—and I’m going to assume she’s selling them as used, so not for a huge amount of money. You could have done either of these things, too, but you and your siblings just assumed they would need all of your unneeded stuff.”
“Knowing that it’s so many of you who want to offload onto her, and that they could realistically only want or need so much of it, it would have made SO much more sense for you all to show her what you were looking to get rid of (or ask what she needed) and then tell her to pick what she wants and that you’ll deal with the rest.”
“With the rest, you could have found someone else who needed things to offer them to, donated to an organization/place of worship, or sold them yourselves. It would have been your choice.”
“But you didn’t. You all gave her more things than she could actually use and it was all just taking up sspace in their home. Selling it is what she decided to do with it. YTA for criticizing her for it.”
“What ya’ll do with it in future, however, is up to you and they seem fine with that.” ~ fallingintopolkadots
“This is so petty. She DID pick what she wanted and presumably used it. You aren’t morally superior to her just because you decided not to sell the items when you were done with them.”
“This is such a dumb argument. What she’s doing is morally neutral in every respect. If you want to make sure things are donated at the end of the hand-me-down cycle, I guess don’t give her any more stuff.”
“Bizarre to get so worked up over something that you probably haven’t even thought about since giving it to her. YTA.” ~ togostarman
“If she took what she needed, used it, then sold it, you overreacted. If she got too much stuff and sold some to make space in her house, you overreacted. YTA.” ~ Engineer-Huge
“I don’t understand why it’s OK to donate to people you don’t know, but when your family sells things to make money to support themselves that’s not OK.”
“It’s like you are OK with helping other people, but when your own family needs a few extra bucks they are terrible people. Do you not see how dumb that logic is?”
“Also I just want to say that your assumption that having a degree means anything about the amount of money someone makes is laughable. Not all fields have kept up with inflation.”
“In my state a teacher with a masters degree can only make about $60,000/year at the most. Their salary can not get higher ever.”
“Also let’s talk about housing costs in 2024! Your post reeks of someone who is very financially privileged. YTA.” ~ youaretoast_toast
“YTA when you GIVE something to someone else you don’t get to dictate how they use it.” ~ TieNervous9815
“Just to clarify, these are not ‘gifts’. A hand-me-down is an item someone else has already used but no longer wants. That’s very different from purchasing something brand new for a specific person.”
“A lot of people who give hand-me-downs are just happy to be rid of those things, because they no longer use them and it’s taking up space. They also have the option to try and sell or repurpose these items, but if they choose to give it to someone else, that’s on them.”
“Full stop, this is a huge reach on your part. Tons of people resell used items or other things for a few bucks on various apps or at garage sales. Should all of those people not be allowed to resell things? They’re putting in the work to market the item, and they’re probably selling it for very little profit.”
“I think YTA for trying to insist something that is perfectly normal is somehow inherently wrong. She is not taking advantage of people, she is putting in time and effort to make what sounds like a minimal profit off items she has an abundance of.” ~ Honest-Sector-4558
Once the OP gave the items away, what happened to them was none of his business.
If he doesn’t like that, then he shouldn’t give things away.