It’s no secret that the wedding industry is incredibly lucrative, and it’s becoming increasingly expensive to plan a wedding.
Not to mention how much further in advance you often have to book venues and services, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Master-Reach-1977 was counting down the days to her wedding, which she and her partner had been planning for over a year, and everything was arranged.
When her brother asked her to move the date to accommodate an important internship, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when her family expected her to put her brother’s needs first.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to move my wedding date after my brother said he can’t make it?”
The OP was counting down the days until her wedding day.
“I (28 Female) am getting married in two months. My fiancé (29 Male) and I have been planning this wedding for over a year. We picked the venue, sent out save-the-dates last year, and everyone has known about the date for ages.”
“Like, we’re all in. The venue is booked, caterers, flowers, photographer… basically everything is set, and deposits have been paid.”
“At this point, we’re just counting down the days, excited to get married and celebrate with everyone.”
But then the OP’s brother tried to flip the wedding on its head.
“Enter my younger brother (25 Male). He just got into this super competitive internship program that he’s been wanting for a while, and he’s over the moon about it. I’m genuinely happy for him because I know this is a big deal for his career.”
“The problem is, he found out the start date is the same week as my wedding, and he told me he can’t come anymore.”
“Obviously, I was disappointed, but I assumed he’d be a little bummed too and we’d move on. Instead, he asked me if I’d consider changing the wedding date.”
“At first, I thought he was joking, but nope, he was dead serious. He’s all, ‘This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I really don’t want to miss your wedding, but I can’t be in two places at once.'”
The OP felt there was no way to make that happen.
“I told him there’s literally no way I’m changing the date. We’re two months out. Everything is booked, invites have been sent, guests have RSVP’d, and people have already planned time off and booked hotels.”
“Not to mention, moving a wedding isn’t as simple as just picking another day, especially at this point. There’s a whole cascade of other stuff I’d have to move, and that’s IF the venue even has another open date anytime soon.”
“He got annoyed and basically said, ‘So you care more about a party than your brother’s future?'”
“That really p**sed me off. Like, come on. It’s not like I didn’t give everyone, including him, a huge heads-up about this date. He’s known for over a year. I get that the internship is important, but it’s not like he couldn’t have communicated with them and tried to work something out, right?”
The OP was surprised by everyone else’s opinion.
“Now, my mom is all over me about it, saying that I’ll regret not having him there and that I’m being selfish by not even considering changing the date.”
“She’s implying that family is more important than one day, but I feel like… this is the one day that’s actually about me and my fiancé, and I don’t think it’s fair to be expected to turn my life upside down to accommodate his work.”
“My dad is staying out of it (classic), but I can tell he thinks I’m being a bit unreasonable, too.”
“My fiancé is backing me up, but I can tell he feels weird about the whole thing. He’s a big family guy and doesn’t want any drama, but he also knows how much we’ve already put into this wedding.”
The OP felt divided over the situation.
“I don’t want to sound like I don’t care about my brother, because I do. I love him, and I hate that he won’t be there, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask someone to change their wedding date this close. It’s not like we’re talking about a birthday party or something. This is a whole a** wedding.”
“So yeah… Am I wrong for refusing to change the date and basically telling him if he can’t come, that’s on him? Or should I be more flexible here?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it would be impossible to switch the date of her wedding now.
“You can’t move mountains for him.”
“You can’t screw over everyone else who saved the date.”
“There’s no argument here. The date is the date.”
“Now I get that he doesn’t want to make waves but ‘My sister’s wedding’ seems like an easy ask. Is it on a weekday? Why can’t he do both?” – Laiko_Kairen
“All of the other people who made plans to possibly miss work to travel for this wedding on its current date and who already booked their hotels would now be put out.”
“Little bro can say something to his workplace about his sister’s wedding, but expecting her to move it is absolutely delusional.” – TaylorMade2566
“I hate when people are like this. They expect everyone to move heaven and earth when they say so with no regard to anyone else or even reality.”
“And if ‘family’ is so important, what about the groom’s family? After all, they will be OP’s family, too, because OP’s not marrying herself, and I’m quite certain they wouldn’t be happy with that.”
“What about OP’s extended family who are traveling? Are they not important?”
“My brother missed my wedding because he had a job interview for a higher-paying position within the company he works for. An INTERVIEW. But I would’ve been angry if he missed the interview for my wedding.” – calenka89
“You know he’s the Golden Child and anything he wants is what should happen. Of course his needs come first! How silly to think otherwise.”
“Yeah, why is his future more important than hers? Because he’s a boy? No, because he’s the Golden Child.”
“This is the time that you do not need to be the ‘bigger person.’ It’s your freaking wedding! If mom doesn’t want to go because her baby can’t, then she can hang out with the baby at his work and clap when he learns how to work an Excel spreadsheet.” – Scruffersdad
“I help to run the internship program at my current employer, and I’ve been involved in the internship programs at several prior employers. I’ve never, not once, worked at a company that wouldn’t have granted an intern a day or two off so they could attend a sibling’s wedding. Not one.”
“And I’ve worked for some of the biggest tech companies on the planet. If one of my interns came to me right now and asked for a day off to attend a sibling’s wedding, the conversation would be short, ‘Sure. Put the date into the leave request system. Have fun. Don’t come back with a hangover.'”
“OP is totally NTA. Unless this internship is on the other side of the planet, I have a hard time believing that they can’t make the date work.”
“As a guy who has three sisters, it would take an apocalypse to keep me away from their weddings. I once flew from London to San Francisco just to watch my daughter’s first piano recital. That’s the kind of s**t you do for the people you love.” – codefyre
Others agreed and said the family could cover the expenses if it was that important to them.
“I love how the mom is spouting off her ‘family is more important than one day’ horses**t. Is she also saying that to her son?”
“We can’t always be present for our family’s significant moments. That’s just life.”
“Maybe OP should stream the wedding for those who can’t attend, but changing the date is insane.” – PrideofCapetown
“If family is more important, than surely Mom is willing to pony up the cash for all of the lost deposits, vendors, and new deposits OP will have to make. Right? RIGHT?”
“I think Mom will suddenly discover that family is not more important.” – LissaBryan
“The OP’s family is a great example of how entitled people always come up with a solution that’s paid for with someone else’s dime.”
“And in this case, energy. You want to change the date? OK, refund all the lost deposits, start planning the back up plan (venue, vendors, hotel blocks, and so on), start communicating the backup plan, and let the relatives who are shelling out money know they are on their own to reschedule and see how well that goes over.”
“Everyone has a bright idea until they have to execute on it, and they see how hard it is. Not to mention how expensive.” – Alarming-Trouble9676
“Brother and mother need to pony up the expenses incurred by the guests, as well. Additionally, they should cover any lost pay for guests who took that time off, unpaid, or those who can’t undo that vacation time or just for a damn nuisance fee.”
“OP, I am so sorry that you have such selfish and RIDICULOUSLY IGNORANT parents and brother.”
“What the actual f**k?” – Financial_Peanut4383
“NTA for sure. Unless OP’s brother/mom are willing to compensate not only OP and her fiancé for every cost they would lose on the venue, vendors, etc., and every single person who had to pay for travel expenses, there’s no way I would even entertain the idea.”
“‘Family comes first’ does not cover thousands of dollars lost.”
“And does the groom-to-be not have family coming, too? How do they feel about a total reschedule?” – ConstructionNo9678
The subReddit not only reassured the OP that she should not worry about rescheduling her wedding, especially this close to the big day, but they also felt the brother could do more to have that day off, even with starting an important internship.
But even if asking for the day off did not work out, that would not mean that the brother and sister loved each other any less. Sometimes life gets in the way of important events we’re looking forward to, and just as the brother said, we can’t be in two places at once.