When we are out in public among strangers, we understand that we should not touch other people without their consent.
But for some reason when it comes to babies and pregnant women, some people think that they’re entitled to an exception, judged the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor SassyBottleDrop was out shopping with their young baby when they were approached by an elderly woman who thought their baby was cute.
When the elderly woman insisted on touching the baby, the Original Poster (OP) immediately told the woman no, much to her surprise and protest.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for ‘yelling’ at a woman for touching my baby?”
The OP was out shopping with their young baby.
“Today at Walmart a 60-ish-year-old lady was walking by and smiled at my baby who I was carrying.”
“My baby smiled back and she said, ‘Cute!'”
“And I thought that was all.”
“Not to brag, but I really do have a cute baby who seems to melt hearts everywhere with sweet baby smiles.”
But the elderly woman escalated the situation.
“Instead of walking on she, super fast, reached out and grabbed my baby’s hand.”
“I was surprised and stepped back, saying, ‘Not the hands! Not the hands, you don’t touch!'”
“Well… apparently I shouldn’t yell, etc., it’s not worth repeating, and she gave me the most hate-filled look of anger…”
The OP felt that they were in the right.
“Honestly, the audacity still makes me angry. F**k that lady, she is lucky I was trying to pull my baby away and I didn’t push her away instead.”
“I think I’m in the right here and she was the worst, but I want to make sure I’m not an overprotective AH.”
“She moved so fast, that I think she knew she was doing something wrong.”
“And my baby immediately put that hand in their mouth while I was trying to hold them and grab wipes.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some immediately sided with the OP and insisted that consent was everything.
“NTA. You don’t touch strangers. And that includes babies. Especially babies.” – shammy_dammy
“The ONLY time you should be touching a strange baby is if you just found it and are bringing it to the police or inside the store, or whatever.”
“You don’t just touch people’s babies?? Like, that lady was seriously in the wrong.” – LittleAnarchistDemon
“The ONLY folks with ANY type of permission to touch a baby outside of FAMILY who have already been given permission are first responders, responding to an emergency involving the baby (which hopefully is never needed!), a doctor/nurse/other staff at the baby’s doctor’s office, and their childcare workers if the baby is in outside-the-home care.”
“That’s it, NONE of us touch the baby, no matter how adorable they are!” – EmmerdoesNOTrepme
“NTA. You had a very understandable reaction to some rando putting their grubby hands on your baby. You didn’t act maliciously or curse her out.”
“People will use her generation as an excuse, but that’s bulls**t. Putting your hands on anyone, especially a child, without permission is never okay.” – Future-Path8412
“I come from the generation of ‘Stranger Danger.’ No one came up to a kid they didn’t know for fear of said kid screaming ‘Stranger Danger’ as loud as they could and drawing the biggest crowd imaginable.”
“Where was this lady’s head? Her a** maybe? How did she come to the conclusion that this was a good idea? I thought everyone, young and old, had had this drilled into their heads in the 80’s and 90’s. I’m sorry she missed the memo all those years ago and that, for some reason, she chose you to ignore every warning and good piece of advice she was offered through the years.”
“You didn’t deserve to be put in that situation then, and you definitely don’t deserve to feel bad after the fact. She was in the wrong; you are NTA! Give your beautiful baby lots of love and kisses and sleep like the queen you are!” – HeyPrettyLadyMaam
A few shared their own frustrating experiences of people not respecting boundaries.
“When my grandson was younger, he had this glorious curly hair. People wanted to touch it all the time.”
“Seriously, I wanted to b***h-slap some of them for actually reaching for him. Babies and baby bumps are sacrosanct.” – notthemama58
“When our son was just a few months old, my husband and I were at a mall. He was in a store as I sat with my son.”
“Some strange lady started to reach into the stroller. Before I could even react, my husband was right there and physically blocked her. He said he thought about attaching a sign: ‘Don’t even f**king think about it!’ (and that was over 30 years ago)!” – siouxbee1434
“An older woman was reaching for my six-month-old in the DOCTOR’S office.”
“I said, ‘Swiper, no swiping!’ (from ‘Dora the Explorer’)”
“She looked at me like I was crazy, and then my name was called. Lol (laughing out loud).”
“Why are you touching a stranger in a doctor’s office? You don’t know why we’re here?!” – BlossomingPosy17
“I slapped people’s hands away that touched and tried to touch my son like that as a baby and toddler, while loudly, and firmly, telling them ‘No’ in my voice usually reserved for training dogs.”
“I even had the police called on me for it once with an entitled wench who touched my tiny infant. The lady was sobbing crocodile tears just as the cops got there… 20 minutes after I slapped her hand away, and after she yelled at me for way too long.”
“Officers ended up telling her I could have her arrested for assault, and I was free to go as it was in defense of my six-week-old infant I was carrying in a wrap on my CHEST.”
“I didn’t have her arrested. I didn’t have to. She lost her sh*t. She hit the officer. It was almost instant karma watching her get put in cuffs while she was screaming, kicking, and spitting. She was none too gently thrown in the car and spent eight months in jail… because she couldn’t keep her hands to herself and her mouth shut. I did wave goodbye to her as she left. I didn’t want to be rude. Lol (laughing out loud).” – Gadgettownsme
Others agreed and pointed out what reasonable interactions with kids looked like.
“Smile at babies. Wave at them. Play peek-a-boo if you are in line with them and their parents. Make polite conversation with their parents (how cute, how old, are they your first?).”
“I’ve definitely had people touch my babies before, and it’s weird and uncomfortable because as you said, why would you intentionally touch someone you don’t know?” – MoonFlowerDaisy
“I feel like that should be such a common sense thing. Short of obvious things like getting a kid out of direct danger, just don’t touch ’em or give them things without knowing the parent is okay with it. That’s basic respect.”
“Even when I’ve had little kids come up to me and want to be picked up/hugged or whatever I just ask or give the parents a little look first to make sure they’re cool with it.” – Pollowollo
“NTA. I love smiling and waving at a baby in public, but I have NEVER thought to touch a stranger’s baby! Half the time, I’m scared the parent will think I’m a creep just for saying hi.” – jenneybearbozo3
“NTA. This is a bit off-topic, but I think older people get away with inappropriate s**t because they are old.”
“I was in my mid-20s and at my grandfather’s funeral, he died a rather tragic, unforeseeable death, I also had to be a pallbearer because of my height and because I was replacing a family member who wasn’t physically able to do so. It was a really hard and terrible day for me.”
“While at the funeral reception, an elderly woman approached me and gestured me down to talk to her (she was very much shorter than me), so I bent down, at which point she grabbed the back of my head and started caressing it and softly stated, ‘I love bald men’ (I had started shaving my head a year or so prior bc I started losing my hair early).”
“Anyway, after a few minutes, she finally let go and left, at which point my ex started wiping at my head, turns out the old woman had cream cheese icing all over her hands and had smeared it all over the back of my head. What I thought was going to be a kindly interaction with a former friend or family member ended up being a creepy experience on a day when I was already pretty f**ked up.”
“Just because she’s an elderly individual doesn’t give her the right to act irresponsibly or against your will. She has absolutely no right to be offended if you find her actions to be inappropriate.” – DTG_1000
“NTA. Having good intentions is just that, having good intentions. It’s a totally different thing to have good intentions and do something that could SERIOUSLY harm somebody as susceptible as a baby.”
“Human hands are GROSS, lots of people don’t wash their hands, and babies can die from the germs on an adult’s hands.”
“Never ever feel bad for protecting your baby, even if it DOES make you look like an a**hole. Better to be an a**hole by protecting your baby than to be an a**hole by killing/harming somebody else’s baby.” – Ditzy-Daisy_20
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update.
“Thank you for the replies so far! I’m sleep-deprived, and it’s making me emotional that other people are saying that touching anyone else uninvited, let alone a baby is wrong. I’m relieved.”
“I have multiple kids, and one recently brought home a virus that had everyone in the house horribly sick. None of the kiddos in the house had been that sick in a few years; it was the baby’s first fever.”
“I was worried that my recent experience had made me overprotective.”
“I honestly don’t remember people being so baby-grabby in the past, but my last kid was an infant during the pandemic lockdown so maybe that’s why?”
“And for the few who thought I was overprotective before, the baby’s feet are also now a serious no-go.”
“And I have learned a few good things to say if people try.”
The subReddit was equally creeped out by the elderly woman’s behavior and angry on the OP’s behalf for how their and their baby’s space had been disrespected.
It’s totally okay to think a baby is cute and say hi to them, but before you even think about holding their hand, you have to ask permission and then respect the child and the parent when the parent says no.