Most people have keepsakes or mementos from their family or friends. When that person passes on, the items become even more cherished.
They often aren’t valuable or even something someone has a daily use for. They’re kept for sentimental reasons.
A man in conflict with his significant other over keepsakes from his late grandmother turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
KookyShelter6075 asked:
“AITA for making my girlfriend (GF) dig knitted blankets out of a dumpster?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I moved in with my girlfriend about 9 months ago. Most of the items in the home belong to her/were chosen by her.”
“I didn’t move in with very much except my clothing, TV, Xbox and 4 blankets that were knitted and sewn by my late grandmother. Then there’s some stuff we’ve bought together.”
“My girlfriend generally has a beige aesthetic and thought my colourful, patterned patchwork blankets were ugly. She refused to let me use them on the beds, so I just kept them in a trash bag in our linen closet.”
“On Monday, I went to grab a roll of tp from that closet and noticed my incredibly sentimental blankets were gone. I asked my gf if she had moved them and she joked about having moved them to the dumpster outside our apartment a couple days before.”
“I told her if they weren’t back and in pristine condition by the end of the night, that I was leaving as she’d crossed a serious boundary. If she really hated them that badly she could have at least warned me and I would’ve taken them to my parents house.”
“She didn’t think I was being serious, but I didn’t talk to her for over 6 hours before she broke down saying she’s not gonna go dumpster diving to save some old ugly blankets. I told her that was her choice to make and within the hour she was climbing into the complex dumpster to see if they were still there.”
“She walked back in, trash bag in hand and dumped it on the ground while cursing under her breath, rolled her eyes and rushed to the shower. After everything, I was the one that had to dispose of the smelly trash bag and take my blankets to be professionally cleaned.”
“Things around the house have been extremely tense in the last few days.”
“I confided in my sister who said that what she did was screwed up, but I had taken it way too far by threatening to leave if she didn’t climb into a dumpster.”
“I really just wanna move past this, but deep down I wanna know if I’m truly in the wrong.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I told my gf that if she didn’t retrieve my blankets from a dumpster, that I would leave at least short term. It’s quite possible I stepped over the line.”
“I guess I’ve never directly stated how much they mean to me, but she did know that my grandmother spent months making each one and she herself witnessed how hard losing my grandmother was on me.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA, if my partner threw out something from my late grandfather I would not only have them go get it but break up immediately. I’m not telling you to break up with your girlfriend but you need to know that what she did was a massive red flag.”
“If she doesn’t respect your sentimental items, what else will she not respect of yours? What else would she throw out because she found it ‘old and ugly’?” ~ ShyInTheGalaxy
“And on that note, why can’t he have something out for decoration, color, or use? Surely using the blankets in the bedroom doesn’t disrupt her beige aesthetic too much, and he lives there too.”
“I swear, sometimes people take the aesthetic thing way too far. NTA, OP.” ~ Mondschatten78
“NTA. OP isn’t allowed to have opinions regarding decorations for their shared living space in her opinion.”
“OP, this isn’t going to get any better. You can try talking this out, but it sounds like she doesn’t think she did anything wrong.”
“Is that REALLY what you want out of a romantic partner; someone who disrespects your opinions so much they throw away treasured possessions and make jokes about it?” ~ mechwarrior719
“Growing up, my parents painted every wall white and bought only brown furniture. I was dying for some color, but they kept saying, ‘what if we want to change the furniture or throw pillows?’.”
“Yes, even the throw pillows were brown and beige. Even the exterior of the house was beige.”
“Finally, for my 13th birthday, I asked if I could paint my walls, which I then painted blue. After that, my mom realized color wasn’t so bad, so she painted a red accent wall in the living room.”
“Point is, as humans, I think we need color for our mental well being. NTA, OP.” ~ Lady-Seashell-Bikini
“NTA. When I was 21 and away at Uni, my mum and stepdad moved house. My mum threw so many of my childhood things away—mostly stuff that my dad had given me.
“They divorced when I was tiny, but I had a very strong bond with him. I was heartbroken. He passed away when I was 20. I cannot forgive her for it.” ~ HotPinkLollyWimple
“NTA. It also sounds like you’re a lodger, not living with a partner if you can’t have anything with personality out in your supposed ‘home’. The GF sounds like a drag.”
“I don’t understand the beige aesthetic. Just reminds me of every rented place ever. I personally find it ugly and soulless.”
“I hope the blankets come back from the cleaner okay.” ~ Leigeofgoblins
“I’m going to ask you one thing, OP. Does the place feel like home?”
“If you can’t even put some blankets on the bed? A bedroom isn’t usually somewhere guests even go.”
“Can you even decorate or suggest something you want in the home without her saying ‘no’ because it doesn’t fit the astethic? I would have a talk with her about that.”
“Or else down the road, you will be dealing with a home you don’t like or feel welcome in. Beige moms/wives is a whole thing on YouTube/tiktok.” ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
“NTA. Your relationship could recover from this, but only if she is actually sorry for what she did. Getting them out of the trash is a natural consequence of putting them in the trash.”
“If she can’t see that, be prepared for a lot of battles with her when she crosses a severe boundary and blames you for the fallout.”
“In my opinion, it’s not worth it. Hopefully, she can see this.”
‘l”Your sister is wrong. It is not too much.”
“Why should you crawl through the trash when you’re not the one that put them there? Unless your sister was saying she would have come over to do it.”
“It’s tense in the house right now because you took a stand. You described a home where she seems very much in charge and probably thought you would just submit to the mistreatment of having your stuff thrown out.”
“You didn’t let her get away with it. That’s a good thing. Relationships need boundaries. She is processing this boundary.”
“She will probably want to breeze past the issue in a day or two. But she needs to acknowledge she was in the wrong. If not, she will walk all over you in the future.” ~ gorwraith
“She should have stayed in the dumpster. I lost my grandmother 20 years ago and I’d still lose my sh*t if my partner were so knowingly disrespectful. And for beige? The most boring of all the aesthetics?”
“I am so happy you were able to recover that bag of cozy love from grandma.”
“FYI, trash bags aren’t a great answer for storing them long term, they can trap moisture, just Google ‘quilt storage’ and loads of good options pop up. Make sure if you aren’t going to display them that you take them out and fold them diffently every so often.”
“Store with a preservative to keep out bugs and rodents and read up on laundering a quilt or just always take it to a pro. I’m not trying to lecture, just happen to have some knowledge and want you to be able to feel your granny’s hard work and love wrapped around you for the rest of your life.” ~ Cultural_Section_862
“NTA. Please, please tell me you are breaking up with this person and moving out.”
“It’s not about the fact that she threw away something that she might not explicitly have known (though I am very dubious about that) was very precious to you.”
“It’s about the fact that she doesn’t treat you like a full partner or even like an adult human being who is entitled to their own possessions.”
“She is controlling and she has no respect for you, your feelings, or your needs. She considers you as merely an accessory to her life, in which she is the main and only character.”
“And due to the fact that you moved into a place where she was already living, she regards that place as ‘hers’ over which she has 100% complete control and say. Your needs and feelings and opinions do not matter to her.”
“After all that, she did not even have enough consideration for you to take the blankets and get them cleaned to un-do the damage that she caused.”
“I know it sucks to break up and have to start your life over. But I speak from experience when I say that life with this controlling, disrespectful person is not the life that you want.”
“If you stay, your life is just going to be more replays of her doing whatever she wants and completely disrespecting and disregarding your feelings.” ~ cat-lover76
Throwing away a partner’s possessions is rarely a good move. But discarding treasured mementos without remorse is way worse.