Having a newborn baby can be a wonderful experience.
It can also be an experience riddled with stressful situations.
Babies need constant attention.
And they often need their moms close by for food.
This can make attending social events tricky.
Redditor important_seconds wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s child-free wedding after she asked me not to bring my baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (34 F[emale]) sister (29F) is getting married in three months.”
“She’s having a child-free wedding, which I totally respect.”
“My husband (35 M[ale]) and I have a 3-month-old baby.”
“When my sister first told us about the child-free situation, I assumed there would be some flexibility for immediate family, especially newborns who can’t be left alone.”
“I talked to my sister and asked if we could bring our baby to the ceremony, explaining I am breastfeeding and we don’t feel comfortable leaving our baby with someone for an entire day.”
“We have to fly into the town where she is getting married (and we don’t know anyone there) so we would have to leave the baby with a stranger there, or leave the baby back home with someone we know for a long period of time. “
“I am quite anxious about being away from our newborn for too long, which my sister knows.”
“To my surprise, my sister was adamant that no children, including our baby, would be allowed at the wedding.”
“She said it wouldn’t be fair to make an exception for us when other guests are also not allowed to bring their kids.”
“I asked if we could at least bring the baby for the ceremony and leave afterward, but she said no, explaining she wants a strict no-kids atmosphere the entire day.”
“I told her that if our baby couldn’t come, we’d likely skip the wedding because it’s too hard to leave our newborn for such a long stretch of time.”
“We thought about the idea of just having my husband attend, but that also seemed a bit strange too.”
“I also don’t want to just leave the baby with my husband and go by myself.”
“My sister got very upset with me, saying it’s her special day, and she feels like I’m putting our baby above her wedding.”
“She even hinted that I should figure out how to ‘detach’ from the baby for just a few days and that we should understand how important this event is for her.”
“Maybe I am being unreasonable for not willing to leave my baby behind, but I just feel like I should be there for my baby at all times (plus I know how anxious I am gonna feel that entire day).”
“My sister’s argument is that it’s her wedding and her rules, and while I respect that, I also think she should be more understanding of our situation.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I really the a**hole for refusing to attend her wedding if I can’t bring my baby?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Another day, another AITA for not going to a child-free wedding or variations thereof.”
“After 5 million of these stories, it’s still difficult to understand why those holding child-free weddings get upset when people with children can’t/won’t come to your precious wedding.”
“It’s equally difficult to understand why those with children keep wanting exceptions for their rugrats.”
“Not the AH for not going, not the AH for wanting a child-free wedding.”
“There, I hope that clears it up for future posters.”
“Also as a side note, no one has a bullet to your head about funding a wedding you don’t want to attend.”
“Don’t fund it and don’t attend it.” ~ thealchemist1000-
“The only time anyone is an AH is when they make demands and/or throw a fit. Kinda like the sister.”
“NTA.” ~ 262run
“Every flipping time.”
“It’s like the heirs to the throne.”
“When a child is born, everyone moves down a step.”
“Your responsibility is to your child first!”
“Having a child-free wedding is like a destination wedding.”
“Not everyone can accommodate your wishes and you’ve just got to accept it. NTA.” ~ loverlyone
“NTA. I had a ‘kids free’ wedding ceremony and reception, primarily because I didn’t need to pay full price only to have 30% of our guests be under the age of 12.”
“But also, guess what? I made exceptions!”
“This whole “oh I couldn’t make an exception for my sister’s newborn because then my third cousin will be mad she didn’t get to bring her pre-teen” is just nonsense.”
“It’s your party: invite who you want, and your invitees get to say sorry can’t make it.” ~ flyeTwaddle
“Exactly! Local guests (friends) didn’t get their kids invited to our wedding.”
“They have babysitters and wanted a fun night out anyway.”
“Family who flew across the country came with kids because most of them couldn’t have made it without. Nobody cared.”
“People aren’t idiots and can understand the situation.” ~ sleddingdeer
“Recently a friend of mine was invited to a child-free wedding, and initially wasn’t going to go because she has a newborn, but then the bride actually offered to pay for my friend’s father to accompany her on the trip just so he could babysit.”
“Now, that might not be feasible for everyone, but it worked out well in this case.”
“My friend got to go to the wedding, the dad was thrilled to get a little free trip out of it.” ~ jmajeremy
“NTA of course my baby will be above your wedding sister or not.”
“Baby is still being fed predominantly milk at that point if you’ve even introduced solids at all and I wouldn’t be comfortable flying somewhere strange and leaving the baby for that long.”
“I also would not want to spend the time or money on what sounds like a self-absorbed sibling.”
“Detach from my baby… please.” ~ ExhaustedSilence
“Mother and baby are attached, and it’s not an issue.”
“It’s biological for mothers to feel attached because human babies are born so vulnerable.”
‘We are hardwired to be protective and therefore it’s difficult to leave.”
“It’s not just a breastfeeding thing.”
‘I used to go out and leave my baby home only because I could get home quickly but baby was always on my mind.”
“When the baby woke up they also wanted me and me only.”
“It’s stressful and has nothing to do with the father’s competency.”
“6 months is also not a point where the baby suddenly grows independent and everyone can suddenly be free because the kid can potentially eat some solids.”
“Every parent-child dynamic is different and doesn’t need judgment from someone who obviously is clueless.”
“OP should definitely prioritize the baby over a wedding, especially with an attitude like the bride’s.”
“Who knows if the marriage will last anyway?”
“Baby is there to stay. NTA.” ~ Money_System1026
“NTA. Logistically you can’t leave your baby for that long.”
“Your sister doesn’t want to make an exception, so she decides to be mad that you’re respecting her decision?”
“To be honest, it’s very difficult for people who haven’t or don’t breastfeed to understand how hard it is to be away from a 3-month-old.”
“They can be cluster feeding at that age.”
“Even if they are not, you’d have to figure out pumping, keeping things clean and cool, not over-pumping, and that’s even if you can pump.”
“Some people cannot, some babies refuse bottles, it’s a whole nightmare that can have big consequences for the health of the baby and mother.”
“‘I’m not risking a starving or dehydrated baby or mastitis by choosing to be away from my baby for x many hours.'”
“Is a valid decision so is the bride’s ‘no babies.'”
“They are incompatible positions.”
“I am sorry there is no good answer for this.” ~ EquivalentTwo1
“Why can’t you and your husband go to the town that the wedding is in, he stays close by in a hotel with the baby whilst you attend the ceremony, and then you can step out to go back to baby after the ceremony?”
“Ultimately it’s up to you, but you either compromise and find a way, or you’ll never hear the end of it from sister.”
“NAH as I don’t think anyone is in the wrong here.” ~ RileysVoice
“My brother got married just after I had my second.”
“She was breech so there was a planned C-section and she would’ve been around 5 weeks (she was actually just over 6 weeks because I went into labor).”
“When he invited me and the baby, he made it a hundred percent clear that if I felt it was too soon, or just didn’t feel up to traveling with a young baby after a section, he would fully understand.”
“He even offered to set up a Zoom feed on the day so we could still witness it.”
“Luckily it all went smoothly and we booked a house to stay in for a week with my parents so that I could rest before and after.”
“We have a beautiful picture of my brother holding his newest niece and beaming.”
“NTA. Sister is entirely welcome to decide to exclude family members from her wedding.”
“She does not get to demand that other members attend.” ~ Panda_moon_pie
“Clear NTA at this point: ‘My sister got very upset with me, saying it’s her special day, and she feels like I’m putting our baby above her wedding.’”
“Of course you are.”
“That’s absolutely the right order of things.”
“Baby comes before sisters and weddings always. Silly sister.” ~ fairiestoldmeto
“NTA. Your baby is literally more important to you than her wedding.”
“You’re the baby’s mother and the baby can’t even hold its neck up LMAO.”
“It would be very messed up if your sister’s wedding was more important than your newborn.”
“She created these conditions.”
“She can’t be mad about it now.” ~ SaveBandit987654321
“NTA. Every wedding planning forum on the planet will warn you, that if you say childfree that’s fine but you gotta be okay with people declining the invite over it.”
“Your sister made her choice.”
“She can suck it up.” ~ CenterofChaos
“NTA. OF COURSE, YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR NEWBORN BABY ABOVE HER WEDDING!!”
“On the bright side, if you don’t attend her wedding, you don’t have to get her a gift. LOL.” ~ Maximum-Swan-1009
Well, OP, Reddit is with you here.
You’re putting your baby first.
There are several options and your sister is making it impossible for you.
Hopefully, she’ll come around.
Good luck.