A mother’s wedding dress holds sentimental value for many women, and it would take a lot for them to part ways with the priceless heirloom.
When one woman found herself being challenged by the nuptial gown passed down from her late mother, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
There, Redditor BoldBellaXX asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my brother’s fiancée wear my late mother’s wedding dress?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (32 F[emale]) lost my mom four years ago. It was devastating, and I inherited a lot of her things, including her wedding dress.”
“My mom and I were incredibly close, and she always talked about how much she wanted me to wear her dress when I got married. I’m not married yet, but I’ve been saving the dress for my special day.”
The OP continued:
“My brother (29 M[ale]) is getting married next year, and his fiancée (28 F[female]) recently asked if she could wear my mom’s wedding dress. She said it would mean a lot to her because she never got to meet my mom, and she wants to feel connected to her on the big day.”
“I understand that it’s a sweet gesture, but I don’t feel comfortable with her wearing something that’s so sentimental to me, especially since my mom always wanted me to wear it.”
“When I told her I wasn’t okay with it, she got upset and said I was being selfish. Now my brother is upset with me too, saying it’s ‘just a dress’ and that I’m ruining their wedding over something that’s not a big deal.”
“I offered to help her find a similar dress or even incorporate a piece of my mom’s dress into her own gown, but she refused.”
The OP described the current state of things.
“Our family is now divided, with some saying I’m in the right and others saying I should let it go for the sake of family harmony.”
“AITA for refusing to let her wear the dress?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. If it were ‘just a dress’ like your brother says, your future SIL wouldn’t make such a big deal out of your refusal. This is your dress to wear someday – or not. But it is your special connection. Not hers.” – Jocelyn-1973
“Right. Sounds like SIL is trying to find a cheaper alternative to getting a dress. DO NOT DO IT! SIL will alter the dress, customize it to her body, and change the details. OP SHUT IT DOWN! NTA” – MandieZie1
“I also don’t understand the mindset of these people: they ask for something, the answer is (a reasonable) no, and they start screaming abuse. Because being aggressive will win their victim over?”
“Brother saying ‘It’s just a dress’ and ‘It’s no big deal’ is so offensive too. That’s his late mother he’s belittling. A keepsake of hers is nothing to him? The fact that they think it’s nothing and no big deal would, to me, ensure they never get to see it again (until OP’s wedding), let alone get their hands on it.” – Ich_bin_keine_Banane
“This she wants the compliments and conversations that will come with her wearing deceased MIL wedding dress to the wedding, don’t give her the weird brownie points she wants.”
“It’s your dress from your mother. Maybe if she knew her, but to feel ‘connected’?? She should have asked if there was a piece of jewelry she could borrow or for something blue to feel connected; the whole wedding dress is wild.”
“Don’t let these ppl guilt you into it either, if and when she ruins your dress bc ‘oh, I just didn’t like that I wanted x change I thought you wouldn’t mind’ it going to be devastating for you, and I can almost guarantee they’ll get mad at you for your reactions.” – Equivalent-Pea6145
“Ok, let’s not decide that SIL has bad intentions.”
“She might be genuine. I find that weddings can make things dramatic, especially when grief is attached.”
“OP I wouldn’t let her wear the dress for the wedding. “No, my Mom’s wishes were for me to wear it at my wedding” should have been enough and I’m sorry it wasn’t.”
“Stand firm. You are following your Mom’s wishes and your heart.” – ZombieSharkRobot
“Someone who thinks their faked connection to a person they never met matters more than the daughter the dress was left to doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt. Bare minimum, she’s massively selfish. And to insult the person she’s asking for a massive favor from is wild. NTA OP.” – Free_Dragonfruit_250
“That is exactly what I thought. They’re trying to save on $$. I personally wouldn’t want to wear my MIL’s wedding dress (and she was a lovely person that I knew). This is just a weird take.” – amym184
“Just for fun, OP could go to thrift stores and buy some kind of cheap wedding dress and hand it to her. I seriously doubt the brother remembers exactly what Mom’s dress looked like.” – Bombshell101516
“This crossed my mind. Is it possible bro knows the dress well enough to tell the difference? If not, buy a similar one at a thrift store. Or possibly buy SILs wedding gift and gift it before the wedding, and have it be a pretty necklace with a pretty pendant that aligns with their outfits.”
“The pendant can be a picture of OP’s mom. That way, SIL has her MIL right near her heart while she marries MIL’s son. 🤷♀️ I honestly think that is a much better representation of the mother being there on the big day…”
“But I have a bad feeling, bro and SIL just don’t want to pay for a wedding dress to begin with, and using mom’s is a cheap alternative, the sentimental value probably has nothing to do with why SIL really wants it. If she is acting this way about OP refusing, SIL obviously doesn’t care about OP OR MIL, as she knows MIL wanted OP to wear it.” – Thin_Grass4960
“OP, I agree with this comment! I was an idiot who lent my gorgeous wedding gown to my college professor’s fiance to wear at their wedding. My professor, whom I was friends with after taking a lot of his classes, put me on the spot and asked if they could borrow it as they were trying to save money, and both had enormous amounts of student loan debt.”
“He had seen wedding photos of me and my husband, and he had made several prior comments on what a stunning bride I was and how my dress was one of the most beautiful he had ever seen.”
“I was young and a pushover, and I reluctantly agreed with strict conditions. 1. She could not alter my dress in any fashion. 2. They must give it back to me soon after the wedding in the same condition they received it, i.e., professionally dry cleaned and preserved so that my own daughter could wear it one day if she chose to do so. I had just given birth to my first child, a daughter, when I agreed to let them borrow my dress.”
“I gave them my beautifully preserved and packaged dress. Six months after their wedding, I still hadn’t received my dress back. I kept asking for it, and they promised to give it back. Finally, I got pissed and showed up unexpectedly at their home.”
“His mom lived with them, and she answered my knocks. She recognized me and went to retrieve my dress from the front coat closet. It was shoved in there with the vacuum cleaner, cleaning buckets, and other dirty sh*t. It hadn’t been cleaned, preserved, and professionally packaged.”
“They had ruined my dress. Not only did the witch alter my dress, but it was stained, and the hem and some of the scallop edging were torn. My dress smelled like gross body odor. There were sweat stains under the armpits.”
“I was livid and heartbroken. They betrayed me and my trust. I was so mad, I took my dress and drove to the college where I confronted the a**hole.”
“Your mom’s dress is YOURS, and once you relinquish control of it, good luck getting it back in the same condition or even getting it back at all. Your brother and his fiance can suck eggs. DON’T LOAN HER THE DRESS!” – iamreenie
“You’re NTA. The dress belonged to your mother. Your future SIL never even met her and has no claim on the dress. “
“There are also the logistics of possibly altering the dress and making it harder for it to be altered for you, the person who actually does have the claim to it.”
‘My brother is upset with me too, saying it’s “just a dress” and that I’m ruining their wedding over something that’s not a big deal.’
“If you’re “ruining their wedding” because his future wife is having a tantrum over not getting to wear your mother’s dress, they have bigger problems and need to evaluate whether they’re mature enough to get married.”
‘Our family is now divided.’
“They can butt out. It says even more about the lack of maturity of those two that they’re trying to drag relatives into this argument.”
‘Others saying I should let it go for the sake of family harmony.’
“What precious heirlooms are they willing to lend/give in the name of family harmony?” – Dittoheadforever
Redditors continued suggesting the OP stand firm on her decision not to lend the precious wedding gown to the brother’s fiancée.
They also defended the OP, saying she had every right to refuse.
Hopefully, the bride-to-be will realize without further prompting that she’s not going to get what she’s after and that the OP’s brother will be more empathetic with his sister.