Even those of us who have not experienced a terrible roommate for ourselves have heard the horror stories.
But those who have lived with a terrible roommate can attest to how awful of an experience it is, especially when they refuse to accept responsibility or try to disguise their bad habits as family traditions or cultural beliefs, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor toadbush123 thought that everything was going well with her roommate until they started to share a bathroom and a smell developed.
When she discovered what the smell was, the Original Poster (OP) confronted her roommate right away, only to be accused of insulting her roommate’s culture.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for asking my roommate to flush her toilet paper and ‘disrespecting her culture’?”
The OP thought that everything was going well with her roommate.
“I (19 Female, white) have been living with my college roommate (19 Female, Hispanic) for the past two years.”
“Last year, our dorm building only had community bathrooms, so I was completely unaware of her bathroom habits as we did not share this space.”
Recently, there had been an unexplainable, disgusting smell.
“Fast forward to the current school year, we now have our own apartment where the two of us share a bathroom. After about a week and a half of living together, I started to notice a foul odor coming from our bathroom.”
“I spent hours scrubbing the shower, sink, toilet, floor, and counters, but the smell did not go away. I convinced myself that it must have been the sink releasing some trapped gas from the pipes or something. I submitted a work order to have the drain looked at and called it a day.”
The OP was disturbed when she discovered the source of the smell.
“Another week goes by and the smell is almost unbearable. Maintenance still hasn’t come, so I open the cupboard underneath the sink to try and have a look for myself. When I open the door, my nose is violated by an odor one can only describe as a porta-potty that has been sitting in full sun on the hottest day in July.”
“I now realize where the stench is coming from as my eyes fall onto the trash can underneath the sink, which is completely overflowing with brown and yellow stained toilet paper.”
“I walk directly over to my roommate’s bedroom and confront her about this. I ask why she has been throwing her used toilet paper into our trash can rather than flushing it down the toilet.”
“She tells me that it is ‘Mexican culture’ and I wouldn’t understand.”
“I have never heard of this in my life so I continue to question her about it.”
“She tells me that everyone in Mexico throws their used toilet paper in the trash because the septic systems there aren’t designed to withstand toilet paper being flushed down them.”
The OP tried to be understanding of the situation.
“I believe myself to be a very understanding person, but this is just completely bizarre to me because my roommate has lived in the USA her entire life and has never even been to Mexico.”
“I asked her if she wouldn’t mind flushing her toilet paper in our apartment due to the horrific stench that had built up over the first few weeks.”
“She tells me that this is a part of her culture and she doesn’t appreciate the fact that I am not respecting it.”
“She has been acting extremely standoffish and rude towards me since our conversation and I don’t know what to do.”
“AITAH for asking her to flush her toilet paper?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out this wasn’t a cultural issue but an infrastructure one.
“It’s not even a culture. It’s just a habit to accommodate the available infrastructure. That infrastructure problem doesn’t exist where you are, so she can change her habit. NTA to you.” – slippery_hippo
“If I remember correctly, Greece or maybe Italy also has this issue with infrastructure.”
“But I know both Greeks and Italians in the UK, and they gave no problem flushing tissue down the toilet once they find out that our drainage system can handle it.”
“This is purely a her problem, not a you ‘disrespecting her culture’ problem.” – lostrandomdude
“Brazil also has infrastructure problems, as well. You don’t flush toilet paper, but they have bidets in most middle and upper-class homes, and the bathroom garbage is emptied daily.” – bcece
“I’ve been to Greece and can confirm that we could not flush toilet paper. It had to be out in a bin next to the toilet which was emptied every single day by housekeeping.”
“Again, it’s EMPTIED EVERY SINGLE DAY.” – Usuable-Necterine-119
“I regularly go to vacation to a place where you place your used toilet paper in a basket. It is ALL about infrastructure. It is NOT culture.”
“These waste baskets are emptied regularly. At least once a day if not more often. Your roommate should have been taking care of her waste issue.”
“NTA.” – Aggravating_Pain9249
Others agreed and pointed out that the OP’s roommate had developed a disgusting habit.
“Throwing away toilet paper and then NOT EMPTYING THE TRASH EVERY DAY is not a cultural prerogative, it is a revolting practice that infringes on the other resident’s life, liberty, and happiness. So no, OP, NTA. But your roommate is most definitely the a**hole.” – Sobriquet-acushla
“To the OP’s roommate, I say, fine, you want to really ‘immerse’ yourself in your Mexican ‘culture,’ then you gotta follow through. I guarantee no one in Mexico is throwing toilet paper away and not emptying the bin for over a week! Disgusting!” – LaughingMooseInWI
“She’s probably spoiled and had Mommy cleaning up after her at home.”
“She just sounds lazy and trifling and she felt embarrassed about being called out, so she made it a cultural thing when it’s not. NTA, OP.” – boarhowl
“NTA!”
“First off, you guys have the proper septic systems in the US, so I bet if all those people lived in the US, wouldn’t they gladly flush?”
“She’s acting like it’s day of the dead and you destroyed all the candles on her Ofrenda. Get out of here with that nonsense. She’s just upset you’re rightfully grossed out by a gross habit that her family household got her used to due to their foreign household getting them used to it due to the septic system.”
“If she’s still weirded out by it, then I would leave the trash in her car and if she gets mad, say your culture brings trash to the dump since nobody leaves s**t-stained napkins in trash cans just radiating in the air.” – domonero
“I recently moved to the US from Thailand. I flush toilet paper here, there’s no reason not to. This is not a fundamental part of Thai culture (bidets are, though, so I got one installed!).”
“If she REALLY wants to insist on using a trash can, she needs to get a lidded wastebasket and empty it regularly. Not leave it to stink up the apartment. I mean, she’s acting like an immature baby, so maybe she should get a Diaper Genie.” – sukitact
After receiving feedback, the OP offered a few clarifications about her roommate.
“For those of you asking if I have had any other issues with my roommate, the answer is yes. Here are a few examples:”
“She keeps containers of raw meat (beef, chicken, bacon) kept in the refrigerator with no lids or in leaky bags. She has a habit of putting these items on the top shelf, which causes the raw meat juice to leak all over my food and the other items in the fridge. I cannot tell you how much food I have had to throw out because of this. (Yes, I did ask her to move these items to the bottom shelf, but she claims the top shelf is colder and better for meat storage.)”
“She cleaned my nonstick pans with steel wool, which caused them to rust. I had to buy more pans because obviously rust isn’t safe to eat, and she did it again (after I explained to her that it was the steel wool that caused the first ones to rust).”
“She would not buy a toilet brush or a plunger for our bathroom and told me we could just ask to borrow a neighbor’s if we needed one.”
“She threw her used pads and tampons away in our kitchen trash (still never got an explanation on this one).”
“She was using a container of ANT POISON to play fetch with my dog. I called the ASPCA poison control line, and thankfully she was okay, but I did have to pay a $95 consultation fee for that call. She never once apologized to me for this, and I have not let my dog out of my sight around her since.”
“She uses my razor in the shower and doesn’t buy replacements.”
“She will not allow me to put up Halloween decorations because ‘it is the devil’s holiday.’ I asked her about putting a little plushy stuffed pumpkin next to our TV and woke up the next morning with a brochure of the Ten Commandments slid underneath my bedroom door.”
“She plays music on her phone 24/7 at a really unnecessary volume. If I ask her nicely to turn it down or to use her headphones, she just tells me to put my headphones on so I can’t hear it.”
“There are definitely more issues that I’ve had with her that I just can’t remember at the moment. I will add them if I think of any more.”
The OP then offered an update.
“Thank you to all of you who have responded! I am going to have another conversation with her about this issue and try to be less confrontational.”
“l will definitely try to be more understanding and suggest a different solution. Thank you for being so kind about this. I’m getting responses from people calling me ‘racist’ and ‘a nazi’ because ‘my white privileged butt’ doesn’t understand assimilation.”
“I am privileged but comments like yours allow me to understand her side of the story and realize that she’s not completely in the wrong and it’s just the way she grew up. Thank you again!”
The subReddit was grossed out and appalled over the OP’s discovery and how her roommate conducted herself in their home.
Perhaps she was used to doing things a certain way with her family, but it was important for her to learn that different homes would have different rules, not just because of who else might live in that house but because of the needs of the house itself.