Chores are a part of life for most people. Once kids reach a certain age, parents have them start washing the dishes and doing laundry, etc.
This is usually a very normal situation.
Sometimes, kids and teens get paid for chores.
But other times parents can go a little too far with their definition of help and chores.
Redditor Free_Chemistry_3708 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to babysit when my parents asked because they wouldn’t pay me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My parents have me (16 M[ale]) and my younger siblings (12 F[emale], 10M and 7F).”
“My younger siblings get an allowance for the chores they do, which is one chore each, and for that, they get $20 a week.”
“While I never got an allowance for doing my chores, and I have five chores: making four beds every morning, keeping the kid’s living room tidy, doing laundry twice a week, cooking for the family once a week, and cleaning my sibling’s lunch boxes after school.”
“I always had multiple chores.”
“This list has been the same for five years.”
“Before that, the only difference was cooking since I didn’t cook one night a week.”
“But laundry was added when I was like 7 or 8.”
“My sibling’s chores are: carry dishes to whoever washes up (7 F), start the robot vacuum (10 M), and make sure the fridge always has bottled water (12 F).”
“I asked my parents why my siblings get paid, but I don’t, even though I do more.”
“They told me it was my responsibility to be the oldest, and they shouldn’t need to pay me to be a good brother and son.”
“Then they hated when I got a job because some of my chores were done at different times than they used to be.”
“I told them I wanted money and since they decided I wasn’t worth paying like my siblings were I got a real job instead.”
“To be clear I still do my chores.”
“But instead of the lunch boxes being done right after school on Friday, it happens after work.”
“The kid’s living room is messier longer because I’ll be at work while my siblings are making a mess.”
“My parents want to go on an overnight date night and they asked me to babysit.”
“I asked them what they were paying and they said nothing, it would be another chore.”
“I told them I won’t babysit then, and I’ll only babysit if I get paid.”
“They told me they can’t afford to pay me, and I replied that I was tired of being screwed over by them while they pay my younger siblings.”
“They told me I was being a brat, and they can make me babysit.”
“I reminded them that they get what they pay for.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“So in theory, when you leave home at 18 for college or whatever, 12 F is going to be shocked that she is suddenly the oldest and has all the responsibility.”
“You are actually fortunate that you are learning real-life skills, and you will be prepared for adulthood much more than your siblings.”
“But, NTA for being resentful for the way you are treated differently.” ~ Which_Tangerine8982
“NTA, teach the younger kids to make their own beds and clean their own lunch boxes.”
“Tell them they need to pick up after themselves.”
“Teach them some responsibilities since your parents obviously won’t.” ~ payphonepirate
“NTA. They literally cannot make you babysit.”
“Just walk out and call the cops if they leave the kids unattended.”
“If they physically try to force you, call the cops again.” ~ Proof_Strawberry_464
“I hate to ask this but are they both your parents?”
“Are you maybe only one of your parent’s biological children while your siblings belong to both?”
“I ask because I cannot understand how these people who call themselves your parents can treat you so differently than your younger siblings.”
“I had a friend who had a younger brother and they both were treated by their parents very very differently.”
“Everyone who ever spent any time in their home could see it clearly.”
“My friend, like you had to do everything around the house before he could even think about going out with friends and had to ask for permission first while his younger brother didn’t have to do anything and could come and go as he pleased.”
“Another of our friends stayed the night there once and he said our friend was woken up early on a Saturday morning to clean the yard and mow the lawn.”
“He asked if his brother could do it this time for once since he had a friend over, and his dad said no, your brother needs his sleep, so get up and do it.”
“His brother was not sick and had nothing going on that day, but his sleep was more important to their dad for some reason.”
“Years later, when they were adults, my friend was going through his parent’s papers in a safe and came across his original birth certificate where another man had signed it as his father.”
“And then he found the adoption papers that the man he always knew as dad had signed when he was a year old.”
“It had answered many questions on why he was treated like a servant in their home and his brother like the golden boy.”
“I’m not saying this is you, but it sounds very familiar to me. NTA.” ~ Frequent_Couple5498
“This happened to me, kid.”
“I’m the oldest girl.”
“I thought this treatment would be over when I went to college, but my parents held financial aid over my head and made me drop out of university and move home to community college just to babysit for free and hold up the chores.”
“I never graduated because of this.”
“Stand your ground… It will be hard but YOUR future is what matters in the long run.”
“Go far away for college and try not to come home too often.” ~ bunny_fae
“NTA. They have the money for the overnight date but not childcare.”
“Your siblings are old enough to take on more responsibility, like making their own bed, cleaning up after themselves, etc.”
“The division of chores and allowance is unfair.”
“Your parents are taking advantage of you.”
“I wouldn’t have a problem babysitting 3 kids those ages if they were well-behaved.”
“But I can see how you feel they are treating you unfairly and that makes you not want to help.”
“We do favors for people we like.”
“These are the kind of decisions parents make, that make their children cut ties with them.” ~ Yes-GoAway
“Your siblings are old enough to each make their own bed, clean up their own lunchboxes, and keep their room tidy.”
“These are normal things and not chores anyone should get paid for.”
“Your parents are showing some clear favoritism and are being hugely unfair to you. NTA.” ~ MapHazard5738
“Sounds like that evening is a good night to sleep over at a friend’s house, just in case.”
“NTA. This is bulls**t.” ~ Only-Ingenuity7889
“You are totally right, in theory.”
“In reality, not so much.”
“Given the family dynamics OP has demonstrated, this is about as realistic as telling OP to ask the local woodland creatures to do the chores.”
“OP’s parents will not suddenly realize the error of their ways and go along with this plan.”
“Likewise, the siblings will not go along with it and will complain vociferously to their parents.”
“Parents have a lot of ability to make a child’s life miserable without actually doing anything CPS would get involved in.”
“Unfortunately, the only possible CPS-worthy thing I see here is leaving a minor in charge of other minors overnight and even that may be allowed, depending on the state. (Assuming US).” ~ Heathengeek
OP responded…
“You’re right.”
“My parents won’t just suddenly understand after more talking, and my siblings wouldn’t listen to me if I tried to teach them, so they’d just do more.”
“And they can make me more miserable if they want to, and I don’t want that, so I’m trying not to do too much while at the same time I pushed back a bit here.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. Tell them you didn’t ask to be or want the responsibility of being the oldest sibling.”
“You had NO say in their family planning.”
“If they can’t afford a sitter, they can’t afford a date night.”
“Older siblings aren’t ready-made free ones.”
“You were absolutely 100% correct in your response.”
“Also, why is the 10ms job just starting the Roomba when 7f is carrying plates and 12f is restocking the fridge?”
“That seems unequal too, he literally just pushes a button.”
“Your siblings are going to revolt when you leave for uni or just move out and all the extra chores will need to be split between them.” ~ maleficentwasright
“NTA. Your parents are ridiculous.”
“Did they have you so you could parent the other children?”
“They are not your responsibility and it’s crappy parenting giving them an allowance and not you.”
“How about no allowances then they can pay for a REAL babysitter.” ~ Any_Dragonfruit4130
“NTA. You are being emotionally and financially abused by your parents.”
“Refuse to do any chores unless you are paid.”
“Set the hourly rate at whatever your job pays, as that’s what your time is worth.”
“This may cause you some difficulty in the short term, but you are old enough to establish boundaries and insist on them being honored.” ~ glenmarshall
“Parentification is abuse.”
“Show your parents this thread.”
“I’m a parent and I pay my kid a monthly salary in return for the chores that I normally would hire someone including dog walking.🤷🏻♀️ NTA.”
“For context, it’s the chores that I normally have to hire someone anyway.”
“The normal dishes, laundry, trash, basic grocery shopping I don’t pay them.”
“The ‘salary’ or normal allowances as the child needs it for buying things she needs, some snacks when she doesn’t have time to pack lunch, or if she goes to events she has money for, she still has a part-time job – babysitting.
“That’s extra for her.” ~ Ok-Listen-8519
“NTA being the oldest does not make you responsible for caring for the younger ones.”
“That’s always your parent’s responsibility.” ~ LotsofCatsFI
“NTA we have 3 kids, 16, 10, and 4.”
“We pay our teen to babysit just as we would another sitter.”
“We also ask if days/times work with her schedule as we would anyone else!!”
“It is a JOB!”
“Good for you for standing up for yourself.” ~ backdatplantup
“I’m curious how they can ‘make you babysit.'”
“If they leave and you leave, it is them that has the legal responsibility for their children, not you.”
“Make sure you cover yourself by recording your conversation with them saying you won’t babysit. NTA.” ~ Kmia55
“OP, you’re sadly a parentified child.”
“I can’t with these parents.”
“Sure you’re 16 and the eldest.”
“But in a worst-case scenario, knock on wood, say a disaster occurs.”
“They put you in charge so to them, you would automatically be at fault.”
“Which is the dumbest thing ever. I would’ve told them to ‘at least hire a babysitter before you make a 5th one’ NTA.” ~ Femmefatalee_
“I recommend you get payment in advance if they say they’ve changed their minds because they will never pay you when they get home. NTA.” ~ DazzlingPotion
“NTA. Enjoy the part-time job outside of the house, and keep your grades up.”
“And tell your parents that you can’t work for them for free because you have a paying job and you have to focus on school work too.”
“You should not be treated as slave labor when the rest of the household earns an income.” ~ dragonard
“NTA, and while I’m at it, I would absolutely refuse to make the beds and clean the lunchboxes of siblings who are perfectly old enough to do that for themselves.” ~ Physical_Dance_9606
Reddit is on your side, OP.
Your parents have been taking advantage of you.
Of course, you should be helpful, but there are limits.
You have every right to want to be treated fairly. It may be time to talk to other family members or your school.