We all fall on hard times at one point in our lives or another.
And the way we respond to those challenges dictates our future.
If, however, the response is to take no action at all, circumstances likely won’t improve, and the fact of the matter is more than one person is usually affected.
A homeless woman on Reddit, exhausted after working multiple jobs while her husband remained jobless for more than three years, threatened divorce if he didn’t find employment by January 1, and she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor PezzQT-724 asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband, (41/M[ale]) well call him Tommy, has not had a real payong job sense the spring of 2021, he was a foreman and made prettydecent $$$….”
“I worked as a CNA in a group home for autistic adults.”
“We were making good money .”
“He quit, the stress made me mess up work papers, and I was eventually terminated.”
“Shortly after getting the boot, we lost our apartment.”
“Because I needed my THIRD BRAIN SURGERY!”
“The landlord let us stay a little while so I could recover from the skin graft on my head…”
“We did what we could, but the family got tired of me being the only one looking for work, and then there was an argument over missing dishes. (I have no idea what started that; the ones they claim went MIA weren’t even viable!!) Nonetheless, we were asked to leave.”
“We moved into a large SUV, got an air mattress and roughed it in computer parking lots, and state parks for about 3/4 months (Mid New England Winter!), switching to a Mazda Tribute (small for 2 people with everything we owned)”
“anywhowrs I scored a job in a nursing home,I couldn’t do the job as well as I wanted and wasnt able.to.life the parents .”
“I had to resign, so I got a job at a fast food place .”
“All my co-workers helped us spruce up our bedding and made sure we had real homemade meals by bringing us in leftovers”
“Long story short, he hasn’t worked a ‘job-job’ since 2021.. and I have brought in any income at all that has come in.”
“Now I am applying for disability and disabilities housing…”
“So I’m sick of being homeless.”
“We are in a shelter now and have been for almost a year.”
“We became homeless NOV 3RD, 2021, and we’re STILL homeless.”
“I work every little mini job I could to provide.”
“He has skilled labor experience and could easily get AT least something part-time.”
“He says he’s trying using InDewd and LinkedIn, but I never see it on his phone.”
“Am I the a**hole for threatening to leave because he’s too lazy to work, and he is showing I CANNOT depend on him for a future…..”
“Prolly too many details or not the right ones.. But anyone’s 2¢ is so appreciated!!”
“Let me know, please, I feel bad, but I want and deserve a better future….”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA) and has every right to feel the way she does.
“So let me get this straight, you have a brain injury and work.”
“And he has perfect health and hasn’t worked in years?”
“I would have left a long time ago. NTA!” – Fullmoongoddess79
“NTA. Your husband needs to step up and contribute to the household.”
“It’s not fair for you to be the sole breadwinner while he sits around using job-searching websites as an excuse.”
“You deserve a partner who is willing to put in the effort to provide for your future.”
“You’re not asking for too much, and I hope he realizes that before it’s too late.” – cupcakeglimmer
“NTA. Leave.”
“You’re the only one holding the relationship together.”
“That’s not fair, especially when you’re dealing with health issues on top of it.”
“What’s his excuse for not working for over 3 years!??”
“You will probably feel less stressed out when you’re on your own as you’ll only have to worry about yourself and not some bum who lets you do all the work alone” – SecretaryPresent16
“NTA. Leave now.”
“That timeline is only making you miserable for a few extra months for no good reason.”
“You already know in your heart that you are done.” – ameasuredresponse
“He should hve had a job by now.”
“He should not have quit the first one.”
“NTAH” – DCHacker
“NTA – he can get a freaking job at McDonald’s or Walmart.”
“He needs to get off his lazy a** and get a job.” – bdayqueen
“That man is dragging you down and making things worse for you.”
“You will never get ahead with him draining your soul.”
“NTA” – grayblue_grrl
“NTA. I was with a loser for a year.”
“I straight up told him to get a job, or we’re getting divorced.”
“He got a job but was still an AH.”
“We got divorced four years later.”
“I wish I got an annulment two weeks after we married.”
“When these guys show you who they are, believe it.”
“He doesn’t respect you now and he never will. He’s using you.”
“You will be much better off in supportive housing with disability.” – Salty-Hedgehog5001
“NTA. He QUIT his job without having another lined up?”
“That is irresponsible.”
“YOU have had THREE brain surgeries and still work.”
“Your husband is a lazy piece of sh**.”
“I don’t know why you have not left him already.”
“On New Year’s Day, tell him goodbye.”
“You have him til then. Hold him to it.”
“I hope you get your disability and housing.” – Fickle_Toe1724
“Did he even discuss it with you before he quit?”
“I wouldn’t have stuck around this long with someone who is so unwilling to do anything.”
“Regardless of the fact that you’re the one that had brain surgery and is doing all the work (which is unacceptable at best), his complete lack of care for you and your relationship is disgraceful.”
“Obviously NTA.”
“Divorce and hopefully you will be able to move onwards and upwards, in every sense.” – FunkyPenguin2021
“NTA. It’s time to leave. For whatever reason, you want to leave.”
“You’re in a losing situation, and you’re the only responsible party.” – DrKiddman
“NTA you’re talking in dollars so I assume you’re in the USA, don’t a lot of people there lose disability benefits when they get married because it’s assumed their husband will take care of them?”
“I don’t know much about it and it seems deeply cruel if true but you might actually do better single.” – Wise_Date_5357
“NTA, and you need to free yourself from this leech now.”
“It’s hard enough for you to support yourself, you don’t need the added burden.” – DawnShakhar
“NTA. Ffs you’re doing any job you can get.”
“He should be doing the same.”
“Any job, any level. Income is income.”
“If it’s low paying is it’s still paying while you each look for better.”
“What is he doing all day?”
“Keeping busy even if out of work is vital for mental health and for opportunities.”
“He was in construction? Volunteer at habitat for humanity.” – AlephInfinite0
“NTA. But how far down does he have to drag you before you leave?”
“You’ve had brain surgery & work to support him!” – Equivalent_Classic89
“girl, I’m shocked you’ve stayed around that long.”
“Does he even have a reason for this??””
“you’re supposed to protect and provide for your partner, and he’s done the exact opposite. NTA”
“I hope you get divorced and approved for disability and your situation improves, OP!” – NoseyNeighbor1113
“NTA but a weird date to set as the cut off point, as the last two weeks before your deadline (over Christmas and new year) nobody is going to be hiring anyone.”
“I would have said give him a month of the new year. Companies may be restructuring or looking to hire for the new financial year etc.” – Thaddeus_Valentine
“You’re married and made vows.”
“Being married isn’t like a high school relationship where you change people like underwear.”
“That being said… if you are sick and he’s not fulfilled his responsibilities as a man, which from what you describe, he hasn’t: NTA.”
“If he has no health issues and refuses to be a contributing partner, he broke his end of the deal first.”
“You leaving to be able to take care of one person (You) is self-interest and not selfish.”
“You are only hurting yourself by being the sole contributing adult in the relationship.”
“I mean, he could swallow pride and work fast food or whatever to do SOMETHING.”
“Even if he can’t contribute as much… he could contribute.”
“Marriage isn’t 50/50. Unless both give 100%… it’s doomed.”
“Best of luck, and I hope your health holds steady.” – Federal_Studio1457
“NTA, and you are not wrong here.”
“Better to get out than be dragged down by him further” – Kangaroo-Pack-3727
Hopefully OP feels better about her decision after reading her fellow Redditors’ comments.
Their advice will certainly be useful as she moves forward.