There’s nothing quite like an inheritance to bring out the best in people.
And by “the best” I mean their best lies, manipulation, guilt trips, and overall tomfoolery.
A woman who inherited some coveted jewelry turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Justmamacita asked:
“AITA for refusing to hand over my grandmother’s jewelry to my cousin who was promised it first?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My grandmother passed away last year, and she left me (24, female) a beautiful jewelry collection in her will. Growing up, I was very close to her, and we spent countless weekends together where she would let me try on her pieces.”
“It always felt like our little thing, so when she left them to me, I was deeply touched.”
“Here’s where it gets complicated.”
“My cousin (28, female), let’s call her Emma, insists that my grandmother ‘verbally’ promised her the collection years ago, even though there’s no mention of her in the will.”
“Emma claims that the jewelry is hers by right because she was the oldest grandchild and used to model the pieces during family events when she was younger.”
“She’s even told everyone that my grandmother’s decision must have been a mistake or made under pressure. Emma called me last week, demanding I hand the jewelry over to ‘honor’ what she says was my grandmother’s real wish.”
“But the fact that my grandmother went through the process of putting it in writing makes it clear she knew what she wanted.”
“My grandmother had plenty of time to think about her decision, and she clearly chose to leave it to me in writing. It feels unfair that my cousin is trying to rewrite history now.”
“When I said no, she called me selfish and accused me of stealing what was meant for her. The family is now divided, with some saying I should just give Emma a few pieces to keep the peace, and others telling me to hold my ground because the will was clear.”
“Emma is now posting passive-aggressive messages on social media, making me out to be the villain. I feel terrible because I don’t want to cause family drama, but I also believe my grandmother knew exactly what she was doing when she left the collection to me.”
“It’s honestly sad to see her act this way. I’m trying my best to ignore her, but it’s hard with all the passive-aggressive posts and family pressure.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I refused to give my grandmother’s jewelry collection to my cousin, even though she claims my grandmother verbally promised it to her.”
“My refusal could come across as selfish or disrespectful to what my cousin believes was my grandmother’s true wish.”
“By keeping the jewelry, I might be causing unnecessary family conflict and adding tension to an already emotional situation.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the asshole (NTA).
“NTA. It sounds like your cousin thinks the jewelry was her birthright as the first born female grandchild, but your grandmother disagreed. So now she’s lying to try to get the jewelry.”
“I notice you don’t say a bunch of other family members are backing up Emma’s story about what your grandmother allegedly said. How convenient that this verbal bequest only happened when it was just the two of them.”
“Tell her to find anyone else who heard this promise, then you’ll talk about who deserves what. Until then, the will is the only thing that actually happened.”
“My advice about the public posts and family pressure? Start responding like her story is true with sympathy.”
“Every time it’s brought up, say/write something like, ‘It’s really sad that Grandma decided to disinherit Emma. I don’t know what Emma did to disappoint or disgust Grandma so much that she felt the need to make sure Emma would get none of her jewelry, but since she did, I need to honor Grandma’s wishes.”
“Those public posts and family comments will dry up pretty quick when the narrative becomes your Grandmother disliked Emma so much she went out of her way to make sure she got nothing.” ~ MohawMais
“NTA. It sounds like your cousin is trying to scam you out of it since her only excuse is that she verbally promised it to her.”
“Your grandmother left it to you in her will, which would have taken at least a little bit of consideration. So even if she DID promise it to her years prior, she still ultimately decided to give it to YOU.” ~ A-_-O
“You’re NTA. Written will trumps verbal promises made without any witnesses.”
“You’re not causing the drama, Emma is doing that.” ~ Dittoheadforever
“Grab a bag of quarters. Search AITA for the word ‘selfish’. Every time that you read a post where the demanding party called OP selfish because OP wouldn’t do something they want, put a quarter in a jar.”
“Warning: Do NOT play this as a drinking game unless you want alcohol poisoning.”
“The will is dispositive. Ignore everyone’s opinion—they weren’t left the jewelry in the will, so they have no stake in this. Ignore Emma, and her sour grapes posts.”
“Learn while you are young that not every outburst warrants a reaction or response from you. The only one kicking up a familial fuss is Emma.”
“Don’t dishonour your grandmother by going against her express, written wishes. NTA.” ~ CandylandCanada
“NTA. Verbal agreements about inheritance, especially when contested, tend to lack the weight of a documented and witnessed will.”
“Not only have you adhered to the legal and probable emotional wishes of your grandmother by respecting her will, but you’ve also prevented any ambiguity that your cousin’s claims might introduce to the situation.”
“Moreover, your grandmother’s decision to put this in writing, rather than just a verbal promise, speaks volumes about her intentions.” ~ LunaVelvettt
“NTA. She’s not arguing with you. She’s arguing with your dead grandma. Disgraceful.”
“I’m sorry. I went through something similar with sour grapes over a will.”
“The saddest thing was that, in life, my Grandma was really loud about how poorly people act when someone died, so she wanted to make damn sure we didn’t behave that way.” ~ RealWolfmeis
“NTA. A verbal agreement is only as good as the paper it’s written on. I’m sure you didn’t coerce your grandmother into changing her will. It’s your grandmother’s wishes obviously because that’s how it was in the will.”
“Also, take screenshots of the ‘passive aggressive’ posts because if it goes to court, she may delete them.”
“Because you don’t know if she’s lying to you about that verbal agreement either. She could be just saying that to lay a guilt trip on you.” ~ Lumpy_Jellyfish_275
“NTA. Grandma’s jewelry, Grandma’s will, Grandma’s choice. Cousin Emma can kick rocks.”
“Lock the jewellery up. But make sure you always wear a piece to family events for sh*ts and giggles.” ~ Sassypants2306
“NTA, your grandmother knew exactly what she was doing. Keep it and get a safe or safety deposit box at your bank.” ~ Interesting_Wing_461
“NTA. Your grandmother might have verbally promised Emma the jewelry, but it was left to you in the will.”
“This can be taken one of two ways: Either Emma is lying or your grandmother—by the time she wrote the will—had changed her mind without letting Emma know or if she did tell Emma, Emma either is pretending that convo didn’t happen or she conveniently forgot that it did.” ~ Efficient_Wheel_6333
“Grandma might have figured out what an entitled brat Emma had become and changed her mind.” ~ KnotUndone
“NTA. But, if you had to choose between more time with your grandma and the jewelry, which would you choose? Which do you honestly think Emma would choose?”
“Base your decision on that. If you honestly believe Emma would rather have grandma back, by all means, share with her if you want to. If she’s just after the jewelry, then don’t.”
“It’s all well and good that you both had access to the jewelry when you were children. If your cousin had maintained a good relationship with your grandma, wouldn’t grandma have left her something?”
“I have a feeling that only one of you continued spending time with grandma, and including her in your life. I think grandma gave the jewelry to the one who deserved it, the one who appreciated her.”
“I’d give back everything my grandma ever gave me, if it meant more time with her.”
“My dad passed earlier this year. We didn’t have a good relationship, but we were trying. After he left us, Mom gave me one of his rings. It’s gold, and has a fancy rock in it. I’d much rather have my dad.” ~ Bouche_Audi_Shyla
The OP provided an update on her decision.
“It’s true that people throw around ‘selfish’ to guilt others into doing what they want. I need to remember that the will reflects my grandmother’s clear intentions, and giving in would disrespect that.”
“I keep reminding myself that the drama isn’t my fault—it’s Emma stirring things up because she didn’t get what she wanted. I just want to honor my grandmother’s written wishes.”
“My grandmother was very deliberate with her decisions. I’ll definitely look into a safe or safety deposit box to keep the jewelry secure. It’s better to be cautious!”
“Giving in would just validate Emma’s behavior, and I’m not going to do that.”
“I’ve shown my family the proof, but she still keeps spinning her story. I’ll make sure not to let her guilt or slander me into giving up anything that isn’t hers.”
“My grandmother’s will made it clear, and there’s nothing to argue about. I’ll definitely keep the jewelry locked up, and wearing a piece to family events might just be the perfect subtle reminder!”
What OP’s grandmother wanted and what OP’s cousin wants aren’t the same thing.
But in the end, the jewelry belonged to the grandmother. What Emma wants has no bearing on the final disposition of the jewelry.