When it comes to customs and traditions, some people have learned to be flexible.
Even if they still hold some things fairly sacred, they also might be willing to welcome others and adjust over the course of time.
Others aren’t as willing to break from traditions they held growing up, and aren’t willing to stray even the tiniest step.
Even if this might mean excluding others.
Redditor confettii123 liked to spend Christmas in a very specific way and wanted to continue this tradition with her new family.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s in-laws had other ideas.
While the OP’s husband tried to convince her to compromise, the OP wasn’t even remotely interested.
Concerned she might have been unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for not allowing in-laws to be present on Xmas morning while our kids open gifts?”
The OP explained why she wasn’t allowing for wiggle room when it came to Christmas morning:
“Me (28 F[emale]) and my husband (27 M[ale]) disagree on how we should handle Christmas mornings.”
“For perspective, I am an only child.”
“Christmas morning was always done at home with my parents, and after opening gifts, we’d head over to my grandparents to celebrate with them.”
“They all still live local.”
“My husband is the middle of 3, and they often had family that lived out of state.”
“So Christmas morning was sometimes at their home, sometimes at a grandparent’s out of state, etc. we alternate our holidays between Xmas and Thanksgiving with our families.”
“Before having kids, we’d stay with them for a week or long weekend over Christmas.”
“After having kids, I want to be home for Christmas morning, and then spend the rest of the day with my family or his family depending on year.”
“Our kids are still young, (2,1) but it is still such a special moment for me and I want it to be sacred and intimate amongst the four of us.”
“We only get so many years of little kids on Christmas morning and I want to soak up every single moment.”
“His parents live 3 hours away and are having his siblings come the 22nd-30th.”
“No one else has kids yet.”
“I told my husband that we should have our kids open up presents on Xmas morning, and then make the drive to their place shortly after.”
“He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents’ feelings because it would mean the world to them to watch the grandkids open presents from Santa.”
“His mom has made comments in the past how Santa would always travel for them wherever they went (being passive aggressive towards my feelings on it).”
“We had the same argument last year.”
“I told my husband that they had their turn with their own kids, and this is now about us and our children.”
“I still want to see and celebrate with his family, but only after we have Christmas just the 4 of us on that morning.”
“I would be totally fine if grandparents wanted to come here for Xmas, but they already made plans to host at their house with everyone so we will be traveling to them regardless and staying with them for several days.”
“I just requested that we watch the kids open presents from us in our home and experience Christmas morning just the 4 of us first before heading over to his parents.”
“Kids will have presents to open at grandparents too.”
“We all exchange gifts with extended family as well.”
“Am I being unreasonable?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was fairly divided on whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for cutting her in-laws out of Christmas morning.
Some felt there were no a**holes to be found in this situation, feeling that as the children were able to open presents both only with their family and with the OP’s in-laws, there really wasn’t any major issue:
“NAH.”
“If grand-parents offer presents, those can still lay in front of their chimney/stocking and be opened later at their place.”- Long-Leading
“The first year your husband is trying to hide two big tricycles in the back of the car and then somehow smuggle them into the in-laws house so your curious preschoolers don’t see them he will start seeing the wisdom of your approach.”
“NAH.”- RandomAmmonite
“NAH.”
“You (an only child) and your husband (middle of three) were reared differently and have come to think of XMas in different ways.”
“To you, it’s about traditions within a small, tightly nit nuclear family; to him, it’s about a celebrating within a widespread clan of immediate family.”
“Quite honestly, where and when XMas gifts get opened is not a sword worth falling upon, especially for one and two year olds who have no clear idea about the commotion that is going on around them.”
“My personal solution would be to open gifts at the home of the gift-giver(s).”
“This would give the grandparents the joy of watching their grandchildren open up at least some gifts.”
“Where it should be spent should depend on who is hosting dinner and/or who has the best TV for watching football games (just kidding!).”
“In my family, we opened gifts up at midnight, had hot chocolate and cookies, and then went to sleep.”
“That freed XMas day for us kids to play and to visit friends and neighbors.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“NAH.”
“Everyone has different expectations, unfortunately you and your husband don’t agree on those expectations.”
“I agree with your husband.”
“I think that you are missing out on the joy of Christmas.”
“Look around, Christmas is not a private, intimate event.”
“It’s big and loud and filled with family members.”
“It’s not what you’re used to but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
“I’m a bit surprised that as an only child you aren’t embracing the family for your children’s sake.”
“They are the ones missing out because of your desire for ‘intimacy’.”- Aromatic_Recipe1749
Others found the OP more than justified in her frustrations, agreeing that it she and her husband needed to start their own traditions, and finding the OP’s in-laws went too far by bringing “Santa” into the picture:
“‘He is calling me selfish and inconsiderate of his parents’ feelings’.”
“His parents had years and years of doing Christmas the way they wanted, with their kids.”
“Now it’s your turn, with your own traditions.”
“Your husband is TA for still being his parent’s boy, and not considering his family.”
“He is also TA for calling you selfish, when having a quiet Christmas morning with your young children, then spending the day with his family, is entirely reasonable.”
“‘His mom has made comments in the past how Santa would always travel for them wherever they went’.”
“AND the mother is TA for manipulating the kids, using ‘Santa’ as an excuse, when it is her that is the selfish one.”
“She wants it to still be all about her, and your husband is doing what his mom tells him to do, like the good boy he’s always been to her.”
“Your husband needs to reorient himself.”
“He has a loving wife, a new home, and 2 young children.”
“Time to build your own traditions, and make YOUR Christmas special.”
“NTA.”- 4th_chakra
Others had a bit less sympathy for the OP in her predicament, feeling that she was only willing to compromise if things worked in her favor, and should have shown more flexibility:
“YTA.”
“It seems like ‘your’ family Christmas means doing things as per your tradition for the first half of the day and then as per your tradition with your family for the second.”
“On ‘his’ family year it seems that it is still you celebrate as per your family tradition for half the day, THEN you subject your kids to 3h in the car on Christmas Day which blows as a tradition and then finally your husband gets to celebrate with his family per his tradition for the second half of every other year.”
“That is not a fair compromise.”
“I loved travellng to my relatives for Christmas breaks and big Christmases always felt so much more exciting.”
“Travelling on Christmas Day itself though sucked.”
“It’s fine if you want to do it your way every other year but you should let your husband enjoy his traditions with your kids too – your way is not objectively right and the joy of watching your children open presents doesn’t get divided amongst the number of people there celebrating with them!”
“If you really really feel you need something ‘private’ between just you and your kids then take them off early evening and give them ‘an early present from Santa that one of his elves dropped off to check he had the right house when they’re away’ and give them a small gift to open alone as a small add on to your husband’s family Christmas.”- Sweaty-Peanut1
No one should be made to feel guilty for wanting to spend Christmas with their family.
What the OP might need to realize, however, is that her in-laws are now also her family, and their wanting to spend Christmas with their grandchildren isn’t a wholly unreasonable request.
With Christmas being the time of giving, it shouldn’t be too difficult for a compromise to be reached.