When a new couple designs and decorates their first home together, something they don’t always consider is how child-friendly their home is.
Indeed, when children enter the picture, they swiftly need to adjust certain areas and replace breakable items.
Most of the time, this isn’t an issue for couples who don’t plan on having children.
That doesn’t mean that young children will never set foot in their homes, however.
“Baby proofed” or not.
Redditor Exact_Income1427 and her husband were more than happy to live their child-free life.
However, upon learning they were expecting a young visitor, the original poster (OP) felt some changes would need to be made in their living arrangements.
Changes the OP’s husband did not appreciate one bit.
Concerned she may have stepped out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for doing childproofing for my in-laws visit?”
The OP explained why their husband was less than pleased by her decision to baby-proof their home ahead of a family visit:
“I am at 26 (F[emale]) and my husband is 29 (M[ale]).”
“We have been married for 5 years, and we moved to Berlin right after marriage since we both found really well-paying jobs.”
“Meanwhile both of our families (parents, siblings etc) still live back in Greece and we usually visit back occasionally.”
“Now me and my husband don’t have any children and we don’t plan to have any.”
“We enjoy buying expensive things and experiencing things we never got to as children such as nice furniture in our home, going to exotic restaurants with friends, travel, hobbies and generally just our lives with each other exactly the way it is.”
“But that’s just how my husband thinks.”
“His family is very traditional, and every married couple has at least one kid.”
“This time my husband invited my BIL and SIL to visit us with their 3 year old son for 2 weeks.”
“This would be the first time they’ve traveled with their son and the first time we would be hosting our nephew at our home.”
“Now our nephew is known to be going through the terrible twos and has been throwing tantrums and breaking things lately, so I did some childproofing in our home a day before my in-laws were due to arrive.”
“I removed all the glass and ceramic decor.”
“I swapped out our linen tablecloth for a plastic one.”
“I locked up our intoxication devices.”
“I also covered our sofas with plush fabric (our sofa is made of white cashmere) because our nephew likes to snack while watching TV, and we can always take the sofa outside to dust off food crumbs.”
“I also changed my maid’s schedule to come in 5 days a week instead of 3 so she can help prep breakfast and make sure the house is tidy.”
“However, when my husband saw all of my changes, he kind of got upset.”
“He told me he felt that I was preparing our house as if we were hosting messy and uncivilized people.”
“And asked me why I don’t make these changes when our friends in Berlin who have kids come over for dinner.”
“He also said that he’s never seen our friends make these sort of changes in their own home for their kids.”
“I don’t understand this comparison at all.”
“Coming over for dinner for 3 hours and staying at a place for a couple of weeks is very different.”
“And we’ve visited our in-laws enough to see how chaotic their home can get to where my BIL and SIL keep mostly plastic items in their homes for convenience.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for baby-proofing her home.
Everyone was confused by the reaction of the OP’s husband, agreeing that she was thinking of the best interests of everyone by baby-proofing their home ahead of their in-laws’ visit:
“NTA.”
“Instead of worrying the entire visit that their kid could ruin something expensive, the visiting parents can rest assured that the space has been child-proofed.”
“As long as all the changes don’t make the space uncomfortable (e.g. squeaky plastic couch covers or all decor being hidden so the place is bare), I think it makes a lot of sense.”
“You are making the visit less stressful for everyone!”- TulipAfternoon
“NTA.”
“It seems like you are taking steps to make your in-laws feel more comfortable and less stressed about their toddler’s behavior in your home.”
“You have protected your belongings to some extent and if Toddler spills something, no one will have to be stressed or worried about it.”
“Some people child-proof everything in their homes; others don’t do it at all.”
“I think it depends a lot on the child in question.”
“My sister’s eldest obeyed implicitly when he was young, to stay out of things he wasn’t supposed to touch, and they never had to childproof anything.”
“His younger brother, however, would immediately get into whatever they told him not to touch.”
“He would stick his fingers into light sockets, spill his food all over the table and himself, run into things and knock furniture over, and he was a delightful child in spite of this, but they did have to childproof their house after he came along.”
“I don’t get why your husband is upset you did this.”
“You are right that a few hours of tightly-controlled parental supervision is a different thing than a two-week visit.”
“Your in-laws and also your nephew will probably enjoy the visit so much more because they won’t be worried about breaking things or spills on the couch.”
“Hopefully, they will keep their child occupied and safe during the visit, but you have made it much easier for them to do so.”
“Your husband is wrong to assume that because some people don’t childproof their homes, that no one should have to do so.”
“Again, it depends on the personality and activity level of the child or children in question, and it isn’t a philosophy of parenting thing so much as it is a stress and worry reducing thing.”
“Keep your home childproofed for the visit, it’s by far the easiest way to have a pleasant time with the in-laws.”- LonelyOwl68
“NTA.”
“He told me he felt that I was preparing our house as if we were hosting messy and uncivilized people.”
“He’s quoting the definition of a toddler here.”- Horror-Reveal7618
“NTA.”
“A child of three IS messy and uncivilized, that’s normal.”
“It’s for the child’s safety as well as protecting your property.”
“Husband hasn’t been paying attention to your friends who have kids.”- Cangal39
“NTA.”
‘Your husband is so invested in FAMILY that he’s failing to see the reality of having a 3-year-old living with you guys for 2 weeks.”
“Just grow a spine and put your foot down and say that’s how it’s going to be.”
“Then, when your chaotic nephew arrives, you can wait for him to admit that you were right.”- Lisbei
The OP later returned with an update, sharing a subsequent conversation she had with her husband ahead of her in-laws’ visit, as well as how things began when her in-laws finally arrived:
“My husband brought food from a restaurant I liked and told me he wanted to apologize.”
“He told me he overreacted because he wasn’t admitting to himself how different his brother is as a person ever since he became a dad and that his life is going in a very different direction with more financial hardships too, making him angry and helpless.”
“He told me he misdirected his frustration at me and thought what I did was really nice, especially since he is finickier than I am.”
“I tried my best to make him feel not guilty and responsible for the lives and decisions of other grown-ups.”
“But I’m so relieved he came around on his own!”
“it’s officially day 1 of the in-laws visit and my husband has now gone an extra step and put away most of the lamps in our house because they are glass and super dangerous for a toddler to be around (we have about 35 cos we hate ceiling lights).”
“When we picked up our in-laws from the airport and were driving them back nephew accidentally poured a bag of chips all over the back seat and floors mats.”
“Everyone just laughed, but I know my husband was horrified inside, and now he’s been vacuuming the backseat area for two hours now, lol.”
“Oh, and in-laws SUPER appreciated our baby proofing.”
It is confusing what got the OP’s husband so riled up about her baby-proofing their home.
That she was going out of her way to ensure that none of their property was damaged?
Or that she wanted to ensure their nephew would remain unharmed during their visit?
Thankfully, that proved to be nothing to worry about, as it was simply a case of his emotions getting the better of him.
Perhaps next time they visit, he’ll have the fortitude to baby-proof his car?